Where are the men of honor?
The men still willing to fight?
For their ladies, for love, and for God up above
Where are the noble knights?

Where are the men who see value
In a fair day of hard work?
Who come home at night to play with their kids,
and kiss their faithful wives?

Where are the men who aspire
to fill Justice's mighty shoes?
To fight and defend, no matter the cost
Men who'd die to do what is right

Twinkle twinkle, little star
Now I wonder who you are
Above the human race, so high
Not a worry in your skies
Twinkle twinkle, little star
So unaware, you break my heart

So very long we have sat together, you and I.
It has become apparent that you care so
Little about small talk or discourse or
Even interacting with me at all outside of your own convenience.
Now, after all these months, I analyze and wonder: Do you even
Care at all about me? Or have I simply existed
E*phemerally to you all along?

You been riding round, driving in your car
And you been looking for answers in the stars
Cuz you been searching for something, anything to believe in.

You been runnin' round out chasing rainbows
And you hide around corners tryin' to scare the ghosts
Jumping at the shadows of your past for all the wrong reasons.

Cuz you believed in her, but then believed in leavin'.

Hey there, star boy
You've gone too far boy
Get back to your car, boy
Get to where you belong

You can tell her you're wrong, boy
You can write her more songs, boy
But she's too far gone, boy
Cuz now she's walkin' on the sun

You can lay around all day in bed
And you can try to find happiness in someone else's head
But you'll never forget the first time you held her hand.

You can go out and try to have some fun
And you can run a race that's already been won
You can look again for true love if you want
But you won't find her, cuz she's walkin on the sun

Hey there, star boy
You've gone too far boy
Get back to your car, boy
Get to where you belong

You can tell her you're wrong, boy
You can write her more songs, boy
But she's too far gone, boy
Cuz now she's walkin' on the sun

Who are you, man with the blazing eyes?
Hidden in the background you remain, but your firm presence is undeniable.
Day by day you are passed by unnoticed and unperturbed by this fact.
You. The quiet observer. The secret philosopher.
One glance and I can recognize your steadfast intuition.
You are strong. You are silent. You have an element of mystery
which
leaves
me
terrified.
Whether a lover or a murderer, I cannot be certain,
All I know is that I am undeniably drawn to you.
Drawn to your danger and your secrecy.
Drawn to your strength, your resolution,
Drawn to the interesting prospect that your days are beyond mine
Is this a curse or a blessing?
Who are you, man with the blazing eyes?
You are enticing
And you'll never know it.
I think.

a soul is lost
when one feels
the weight of dishonesty
while trying to be
true to oneself

to live with no direction
is meaningless and shameful
for a life without drive
becomes a lost opportunity for greatness

love is lost
when one's confidence is found
in another person alone
for permanence is relative

and castles
must not
be built
upon sand

If this is all that's left
If there is nothing more
If I am on my own
So be it.

The stray darting eye
The whisper, passing by
I can't come free of it
So be it.

I hear she's gone crazy
I heard she's deranged
She's spiraling downward I suppose
So be it.

I prowl in the darkness
Through restless dreams haunting
Wake up, sweat and screaming
So be it.

Sink or swim, no wading
Live or die, no saving
Fight with iron fist, no failing
So be it.

Homesick for you
Trembling too...
Just wishing that you were here
To shelter me
in your embrace
And dry away my tears

I know you're not gone
Just far away
I still think of you all the time
The war is over
The raging has ceased
But not all can be healed by time

I don't want you back
I now know that you
Simply are just not the one
But you're still in my dreams
I still reminisce
And the heart in my chest weighs a ton

I look at the stars
Admire their glow
They always made me think of you
I wonder over and over
Even though it is futile
If I ever cross your mind too

Sometimes I imagine
What it will be like
When I someday see you again
Will we share a smile?
Will you just pass me by?
Would you want to be friends?

I still love you D - - - - -
But I'm not in love
It may be for the best we're apart
But one thing I know
I'll never forget you
You're forever tattooed on my heart

Secrets secrets secrets
I know all your stories
Your insecurities
Your dark side

Secrets secrets secrets

Some you told me
Some that other guy told me
Some I overheard
Others I have acquired illicitly

Secrets secrets secrets

I hold your reputation
And your mental stability
And your trust
In my hands

Secrets secrets secrets

I am trustworthy
And that's a good thing
But who hasn't made bad choices before?

Secrets secrets secrets

You know some of mine
Think you know all of mine
You could crush me bit by bit
but in the wrong hands,

Secrets secrets secrets

Are nothing but a truce between frenemies
Like two loaded guns
Aimed at eachother
Smiling, but set to **** if necessary.

Secrets secrets secrets

Are they really secrets at all?
Are you sure you know me?
Whispers run rampant here.

Neurologists say that after breathing ceases
And the body is dead
The brain remains living
For an additional 4-7 minutes.

If mine were to stop tonight
I'd wish you were by my side
And that you'd sing to me in those 4-7 minutes

So my last moments would be surrounded by your love.
So I'd know that it was all worth it.
And so I wouldn't feel as alone as I do right now.

Sometimes
                  siLence
                             is
                                thE
                      ­               key
                                         which
                                                  unlocks
 ­                                                             T­he
                                                                ­  gate
                                                          ­              keeping
                                           ­                                          one
                                                             ­                             from
                                                                ­                                 findinG
                                                     ­                                                        peace
                                                           ­                                                           and
  ­                                                                 ­                                                          a
                                                                ­                                                                s­O**undness
                                                    ­                                                                 ­                               of
                               ­                                                                 ­                                                         mind.

I came creeping in
cover of darkness
saw the light
heard the rock riff
saw your face
ensnared, barbed wire
visions of him
burned high in fire
screaming, falling, retching,
hands tracing memories in black sand
rope and anchors drag her down
sirens could not make a sound
loud enough to revive
the passion she knew in his eyes
for his strands are painted black
and what he was will not come back
and who's to say who is alone?
who's breaking, broken, hearts and bones
entangled in the satin blue
two souls alive who never knew
that fantasy and bliss decay
they die, they rot, they fall away.
So when cadavers surface in the wake
don't close your eyes, for you must take
one last gaze upon your prize
NOW OPEN UP YOUR GOD ****** EYES
and see what you get for jumping fences
barb wired victim of the trenches
beaten, bloodied, you're to blame
for playing silly lovers games
speak once again the long lost name
strike your match, please light the flame
purging the evidence of your past
slow motion moving far too fast
rock riffs playing in her head
the scene of crime has been fled
betrayed by lingering desire
visions of him burned high in fire.

Tonight, my friend, you enkindled me.
Because its so much better on paper, you said to me.
Because you proved to me that fidelity and love are not a myth.
Because you remembered something I said to you weeks ago.
Because you stayed around when it all fell apart, when I fell apart.
Because you heard me when all the world was deaf.

Tonight, my friend, you changed my mind.
I decided not to settle for solitude.
I decided that there are things I'll miss about this little town.
I decided to make myself a better person.
I decided to be the kind of friend a friend would like to have.
I decided not to give in to the often-prevailing darkness.

Tonight, my friend, you brought me joy.
Always you were my strength when I was weak.
Always will I be here for you to do the same.
Always you can count on me, rain or shine.
Always will you be a brother to me.
Always will I read Dickinson and think of you.

No sir,
I'm quite sorry,
but you don't, you can't, nor will you ever understand.

Please sir,
I don't want your advice,
its complete ******* to be blunt, and who are you to say what I need?

Stay sir,
Just listen to me, listen,
and let me know I'm audible, lie and tell me it matters to you (or anyone).

Really sir,
I'm doing entirely fine now,
please turn the tables on yourself so I can hear the same story again tonight.

Goodbye sir,
I must be on my way,
its fine that you won't flinch at my departure, what more should I expect from a friend?

It rained and rained and rained today
Skies yesterday were clear
For me it was a secret friend
Who camouflaged my tears

You lied to me this week
and you lied the week before,
You led me on and dragged my heart
all over the floor.

You can break me once
and you can even break me twice,
But break me for the third time?
Now thats not very nice.

For as long as I have known you
I have fought for you,
I gave you all my love
But clearly I have been a fool.

I swallowed up my pride tonight
to please you once again,
I begged and groveled to you
just to be my friend!

Your silence said it all though,
it was clear our time was up.
Your lack of remorse or mercy
was what really set me off.

I told you everything
that needed to be said,
And all the while I secretly hoped
that you wished that you were dead.

Now I'm just being honest,
I'm very sorry. (Not.)
But this whole mess and misery
is really all your fault.

So I grabbed that T-shirt,
your socks and bracelet too.
With a vengeance running through me,
I ******* my shoes.

You didn't know I was coming,
in fact you looked pretty shocked
To see me standing on your porch
When you opened the door unlocked.

For the longest time you stared at me
saying not a word,
And I just crossed my arms and glared-
I would bet that my message was heard.

I handed you the T-shirt,
threw the socks upon the ground.
Tossed the bracelet on the steps
What goes around comes around!

I then shoved at your chest
a gift all wrapped in paper,
I basked in the guilt on your face
as you fumbled with the wrapper.

You examined every aspect
oh-so-carefully,
Then stood there for forever
still not saying anything.

You stood there, stood there, fumbling
Connecting thoughts to words,
But they never made their way out,
And not one word was heard.

"Merry Christmas", I said quite bitterly
after some time had passed,
"I want my **** back."  were my next words,
Sorry to have been crass.

So we went inside
as you gathered up my things.
I kept a stick straight poker face,
the entire time reminiscing.

Next I thanked your parents
for the kindness they had shown.
This sad goodbye is thanks to you,
I wonder if they even know?

We proceeded down your hallway,
and I stood outside your door.
I took one more look in your eyes,
The eyes I loved so much before...

"Is there anything you want to say
to me before I go?"
You still just stood there quietly,
and then shook your head no.

I know you all too well,
I saw it dimly on your face,
That you felt a little tinge of sorrow
knowing that you've been erased.

"I guess this is it then."
Last chance to make a move.
"Before I go theres something
that I really need to do."

With your hands laced behind you,
I caught you so off guard,
When I lunged directly at your chest,
when I pushed you so hard!

That push was all I needed
to finally let go,
It made me suddenly feel stronger,
Empowered, and In-Control.

"Get off my porch!", you shouted
But I was already on my way.
"Get out of my life!" will be
the last thing that you ever hear me say.

I sped away in my car,
drove out into the night.
Nothing but smiles upon my face,
for I know this time....

I've won the fight.

Sometimes I don't feel very poetic,
and sometimes I just feel pretty pathetic,
because some days I feel like I'm doing fine,
but a moment later I want to just die,
because theres so much inside that I need to say,
but try as I might I can't find the right way,
because I feel so alone- Who could comprehend,
the pain, the pressure, the ache in my head,
so I just resort to going to bed,
but sleep never finds me, for it too has ditched,
and sometimes I just feel like a whiney *****,
because regardless of the ******* and all of this mess,
I know that ultimately I have been blessed,
it might take not weeks or months, rather years,
but I know one day will mark the end of my tears,
I might be at the bottom, the worst I could be,
but I've got my whole life still ahead of me.

SometImes I wonder
if you ever knew, exactly how happy I waS,
WiTh you

SometImes I wonder
couLd you ever see, the joy in my eyes
When you were with me

Sometimes I wonder
if you can recaLl, the days when Summer
Turned into FaLl

SOmetimes I wonder
if I'm still your muse, or if you'd sing for me
The way you'Ve used to

SomEtimes I wonder
what the hell happened, now to You I am
Only a has-been

Sometimes I wOnder
if you still think of me when you walk past that
StUmp in the cemetery

Every word gets me closer
Each answer draws me near
My sand is falling, crashing, piling
In the hourglass of my tears

The pile is quickly growing
Postcards and letters by my bed
Each day they harass and heckle me
Clouding up my head

Torn apart and bleeding
Wounds never seem to heal
Every time my plans are set
Emotion breaks the deal

This is getting rather old
And my time is running out
I sign my name and slam the cover
Terrified by doubts

Why can't I even comprehend this yet?
It feels like we're just pretending, this can't possibly be real.
I imagine myself walking down the aisle to you still.
Imagining someone else waiting for me at the altar seems so fake.
Unfathomable.
This didn't actually happen. You're mine still.
Right?
Wrong.
But I can't begin to understand.
If its bad now, I dread the thought of when it hits me.

I think sometimes you forget that I'm real.
Days pass by, a text message in the midmorning.
Another later in the afternoon.
Its been a while since you've told me "Goodnight".
It hasn't gone so undetected.
I keep myself defended. No photos, no updates online to remind
You that I'm human.
I've come to this conclusion as I drift further from you.
(not by my will)
I know it because I believe that when you and I are face to face once more,
When you hear my voice speak your name,
Hear its hollow inflections,
And see the shadows in my eyes,
You will remember.
It may not change everything or anything at all, but perhaps I'll no longer be
A robot, fictional character, or fading memory.

Sometimes I forget what happened, but not completely, just as if I was in a haze.  I squint to see through the mist of my recollections and in that moment I feel ten thousand things at once.
I catch myself saying to you in my head, feeling it too, I Love You D - - - - -, and I smile and bask in it for a moment, proudly, warmly.  As soon as the words pass silently through my lips, I nearly remember.....
My chest tightens up and air can hardly enter and depart my respiratory system on their usual schedule.  The piano falls, crashes, louder than silence itself.  Steam escapes my eyelids as the pressure builds up all at once but not a tear passes through.  Every nerve in my frozen body is screaming and retching in terror at the thought and I feel the need to run as a child would to his sympathetic mother, but there is nowhere to go, nobody to run to.
I am alone.
I am alone.
I repeat it a thousand times a second trying desperately to process how something impossible like this could have ever happened.   The idea of you not being mine any longer can only be described as surreal and unbelievable, a feeling hauntingly similar to how that same mother felt when she received the ominous knock on her front door years later, the way she felt when the triangular bundle of patriotic fabric first made contact with her frail but steadfast fingers.  Liquid cold encompasses me as the blood drains straight to my feet and out through the floorboards.  All in that same moment I find the strength to inhale.  Like the jolt of emergency paddles, I snap back to life as the gears resume their rotations.

This was not just a dream.

Another sleepless night spent restlessly.
Another night unfamiliar with peace.
Another counting of the hours.
Another cup of chamomile tea.
Another dream gone awry.
Another swollen face and glued-shut eye.
Another head of hair resembling nest.
Another morning, trembling cold sweat.