there are spaces in places that exist
where you find yourself
but not in any meaningful way
you inhabit that place
fill that space
with the same hurt you've clung so hard to
do you sit there
stand there
lie there
ever wondering the significance you give
to that place
that space
you so tenderly fill
is it better were you to no longer occupy it
could there be some meaning to a space no longer filled
devoid of you and everything you gave to it
can you haunt a haunt
would the ghost of you make a better guest
or would it just be a space in a place
empty, no longer filled with you
by you
for you

the scent of wet concrete
too early for the sounds of cars
empty cans lined up
shoulder to shoulder, staring back at me
there's contempt in their eyes
and my mouth's dry
wafting smoke rolls through my lips, past my ears
embers of a cigarette
burning the sides of my fingers
but if I look at the sky
the stars are swallowed by light
i'm awake with no drive
never more than I am
g-d I just want to be alright

I wanna feel the backlash
The range of emotion settling across your face
Let me taste the ways that you hate me
Bury me, unmarked by the highway
Leave it all behind, you'll be fine
Or so they say
I know you like your nails
Sharp and filed
Dagger points, matte black lines
Just to prove you look so good
But they're just lies
Throwaways to help you settle in
The night's still young
Lift your chin, there's blood running from your nose
It's all fine, you'll be just fine
Don't believe them, love
You're just so young, we're just so young
I've got the fire of youth in me
Angst in my veins
Bleed me dry
I wanna set fire to this place
Hold my hand, we'll take it slow
Watch it go from afar
It doesn't scare me, does it scare you?

I look
Every bit
Like every glass
I ever drank

I'm in a bad way
Like a glass without any water in it
Hot headed
And these bridges look ripe for burning
Got a bundle of sticks
Couple knives in my back
Tiny light of a cigarette
Ember lit up in the palm of my hand
I want to see this at the bottom of the river
Somewhere between Vega and Altair

Take the shine from the back of your eyes
Losing sleep over tiny fireworks
Pressing your palms into your sockets
Forcing pressure into explosions of light
Blink them away
Left with only the damp corners of your eyes

Dancing, naked feet kissing the dirt
Wildflowers pushed into the corners of your mouth
Seeds sewn into the hems of your dress
Cheeks wet from summer rains
I watch as the wind picked up
Took you with it
Scattered you all over this nameless place
And the selfish parts of me
Felt jealousy to see you so free
While I stayed landlocked, legs shaking with a craving for the sea

I should stop the caffeine
I can feel my heart in my throat
And headaches
The spins that I get
Just to wake me up
Put me back down, I wanna sleep
The air here’s too heavy

I wonder if you’ve got the best of me
Fertile seeds and ****** hands
Planting gardens in my head
The way you cultivated conspiracies in place of better ends
What did you find beneath the dirt
Sleep well inside your place
Waking up to nightmares growing strong
Thriving in the pots
Stalks as stiff as the ulcer in my gut
What did you find beneath the dirt
It’s been buried away for so long
I would have guessed it’d be gone
Taken by the earth
Sunken hollow in my chest

I’m sick and tired of being trapped in my head
With just me and you
But mostly me
And only sometimes you
If you’re gonna visit
Why not stay a while
Have a seat and kick up your feet
Because the time you spend here ain’t doin' enough for me
But it does enough to me
To feel that aching presence
That you’re gone

Too little, too late
I’ve gone and made a mess of things
And now you’re gone
While I’m stuck right here
All the hauntings of things I hold near
How do I occupy a home
When all it ever is
A collection of rooms
Blueprints laid by another
Memories stained into the carpet

I still don't know your name

Well I'm drunk again
At only half past two
The window's open and filled with cigarette smoke
I can hear cicadas chirping
And the I-15 going north, it's filling up
So I reach for the bottle that's been empty
But I still put it to my lips and tip it back
Every time it goes up I'm reminded that it's only half past two

I've returned
Like a lazy tide
Too bored to stand still
And too scared to change pace