How could I say something
So stupid
Without reasoning the implications
I don't know if it was a subconscious cry for help
Or a way of explaining the way something can affect me
But right now
I know
That you are in tremendous pain
And that I am ungrateful and selfish
This isn't about you
It's about me
And that's the problem
I'm sorry
That I threatened my life
When you've lost so much already
The pain persists
And hopefully my love for you will too
Because knowing that you love me
May be
The only thing that's keeping me alive

Here’s something you seldom hear: don’t always listen to your heart. Because if your heart is like mine, it’s often fickle and confused. Emotions aren’t always true, they may come and go with the wind. Feelings trick us into believing lies. You look in the mirror and feel inadequate. You hear something so many times that you start to believe it’s true. You take a situation and manipulate it till it’s something completely false. But it’s time you start listening to your head: you may not be in control of what you feel, but you are in control of how you handle those feelings. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I know I am beautiful.” Refuse to believe the lies. Remind yourself of your many wonderful qualities. Don’t read too far into things, take them as they are. Worrying doesn’t change tomorrow, it just makes today more troublesome. Decide to be happy. Decide to be okay. Don’t believe everything you feel.

I don’t have a problem with saying too little, you don’t have to carve inspiration into a health room desk or vandalize a bathroom stall to get me to tell him how I feel. I have a problem with acting as if it’s four a.m. all day long and forgetting that you don’t need to know about my every mood swing: my Sunday highs and Tuesdays lows and Thursday nothings. I think my biggest fault is bothering you to tell me all the thoughts that have yet to cross your mind (and maybe wishing they had.) I want you to want to know everything I feel at any given moment: what I thought of this evening’s sunset and how long it took me to fall asleep last night and why track two of my favorite album makes me feel like I’m in a dream. I want you to want me to know why you painted your bedroom walls yellow and how often you floss your teeth and which day of the week you feel happiest on. But most of all, I want to know everything you feel, even before you’ve felt it.

a beautiful boy
went to heaven
despite what he thought
of his evils
                  he gave a girl love
                      like nothing else
                        like no one else
that beautiful boy
went to heaven
to be free of the pains
but he left some
              he gave the girl pain
            like nothing she'd felt
                          it crushed her
with her
beautiful boy
in heaven
                                 she lost the love
                                 he had given her
it must have flown away
alongside him to heaven
              because his girl only wants
                        to join him in heaven
                      to feel whole with love
but if she lost the love
maybe she'll never gain it back
     even then if his girl went to hell
she'd be too empty to feel anything

                            but she dreams
              of flying with her
        beautiful boy
in heaven