Taste it, crunching sweet between your teeth and then onto your tongue.  
So **** and juicy with flavor, perfect ripeness, perfectly in season.
Now dip, dip it into the smooth and crunchy mixture of nutty, hearty wholesomeness.
The perfect combination of savory and sweet; salty and sticky.
The hunger pangs in my belly are satiated, satisfied, complete.
I lick the gooey goodness and sticky sweetness off my fingers.
The juice is still running down my hand.
My finger dips into the bowl, lapping up the last of the smooth, silky delight and **** juicy wonder.
I wonder, I wonder, what delicious treat is waiting for me next?

I dreamed of you when I was a child; thinking you were so much older than you probably are.
Years of wisdom creased your crinkled eyes in my dreams.  I felt the strength that you gave me, just by your spirit passing your courage into mine.  I felt invincible, I was a survivor because you are a survivor.  I am still a survivor because you let me go, thank you.  Thank you for letting me thrive and to be free.  As much as I would like to be with you or even hear your voice, I know I cannot.  Not in this life.  Perhaps in the afterlife, when our souls are free from all suffering, may we reunite once again, oh Birthmother.  Yoon Young-hee.  My birthmother.

The night's starry sky lights a path into my eyes; the very eyes that see into your soul.
It sure would be nice to see you, but it's really not my right, not my own, not our paths.
All I can do is put on my finest silk and drink a bottle of Sangria.  Falling into my drunken dreams.
So blue. The sky. The night. The river. My heart.
A wren comes singing in the tree and awakes me.  I remember your soft words in my ear, telling me you
will never leave.  But, you did.  They always do.
The dream of happiness fades away into the night.  To leave me abandoned and cold.  I am alone.
Here I go again, out into the world with armor and sword in hand.  To fight the devils and evils of the world. Only yet again.
Only this time, I will not forget so easily the pain stricken upon me.  This time, I have learned my lessons and I will be a dutiful student.  
A student of the perilous affairs of the heart.  The drunken heart.  The purest heart I wish I could have.  And never will.

so softly, as the wind rushes past her, her hair falls down. And swings by her shoulders.
The sweet scent of lilacs and the cherry blossom tree entwine together to make this ever-romantic scene even doubly romantic.  The lighting just right.  The sun at the perfect angle, speckles of light shining like God through the leafy branches.  Could this be heaven?

We broke apart and my heart was so worn;
Into little pieces, my soul was torn.
Out there again, this time alone;
I promised you that I wouldn't phone.
Deep in my sorrow, my pain, and my fear;
I saw fragments of myself, so true and so dear.

I freely gave you these pieces for us to share;
I trusted you that you would open up and care.
But things ended and I lost parts of my soul;
These parts of myself that I must reclaim again to be whole.

And now is the time for the purification of my heart;
To reclaim myself, pure and innocent, like from the start.
To see my heart as fragile yet strong;
I've waited to reconnect in this moment for so long.
So here I am, with my tender heart in my hand;
And only I can purify it, cleanse it; no one else can.

Sitting in a meeting; the powerpoint clicking to yet another slide.
Tears well up. Breathing rate increases.  "Oh God, not here, not now".
Memories pour into your mind like a tidal wave.  
This tidal wave feels like it's going to crash out of your tear ducts.
In a singluar motion, you slip out of your chair and head to the door.
Trying not to be noticed by anyone, everyone notices you leave the room.
You make a b-line to the restroom. "Oh God, please let it be empty".  It is.
As soon as you reach the empty stall, the tears start to fall.
And then comes the sobs, the relentless, heavy, gasping sobs.
Tears and snot stream down your face.  You are worried that you will run out
of toilet paper.  

All you can do is what you have to do: weep.

You weep for all the loss you had and are still grieving in your life.
You weep because you can't take anything back.
You weep because all you ever wished was to be good, to be perfect, to be loved.

After a good 20 minutes you regain your full consciousness.  You look in the bathroom mirror.
After some good rearrangements of glasses, you stir up the last bit of tears and try to squeeze out as much sadness as you can to "get over it".
Finally, you clean up and head back into the meeting.

You are well aware that everyone will be wondering what took you so long.
You put on your armor and march to your seat.  No one looks up.  In reality, noone even noticed you were gone.  There is no pause in the disucssion.

Done.  Next slide, please?

Waves of pain rise and fall in my chest, relentlessly.
My heart breaks over and over.
It breaks so much now that I worry that I will develop an emotional callous.
This lesson that I so painfully had to endure appeared to be about the other person,
but it was really about me; it was completely my lesson to learn.
And I learned.  I will never forget this lesson.
I ignored the deepest parts of my being that were shouting "STOP!"
And these intuitive voices were warning me in all sorts of ways that what I was
embarking on was dangerous for both the fragility of my heart and for my future career.
Yet, I still ignored all the signs and devoted myself completely to a person who wasn't worth all the sacrifice I was so willing to give.

And so here I sit, in my misery, yet I am wiser now.  I would hope I am.  Yes, I am.
I devote and give my full loyalty to my intuition and the health and well-being of my soul.
I have learned to recognize her voice and I will now be in complete service to my soul and God for the rest of my life.
I will be a person of purity, of integrity, of Truth.  I am already a person of love, and now is the time to learn new things; new lessons.

What remains is forgiveness.  I forgive the person whom so very much broke and continues to break my heart.
I forgive all the betrayal, all the other women, all the lies, all the manipulation and deception.  I will always
remember all of that evilness, as I sit here and forgive it.
At this point in my life cycle, I am too old to hold onto fresh wounds.  I have enough childhood wounds to heal,
I simply don't have the resilience and stamina to tightly hold onto new wounds.  And so, to heal and to finish
the lessons of this relationship, I must let go.  I completely forgive him and everyone else involved.

Forgiveness is so difficult when the wrongdoing was so bitter and emotionless.  Like a mechanical predator, he was.  No heart, no empathy; sociopathic.
But, at some point, everyone has a heart.  Everyone's heart is vulnerable and can be broken at some point in their lives.  His heart was broken over and again.
He grew a callous on his heart and that is even more of a reason to forgive him.  When someone practices infidelity with no emotional remorse,
then that person is broken.  That person needs all the love and forgiveness of the Universe.  He needs as much love and purity as what is contained in the whole Universe.  As much as I despise all the hideousness of him and the situation, I still forgive him.  And my act of forgiveness frees me from the agonizing pain I feel now.  Over time, my heart will heal and years from now, I will look upon this day and this time in my life with gratitude and with the satisfaction that I did the right thing.  I did what love does -- I forgave.