i would never forget that day
or that night

when you swore
that you will always be here
for me

resonance and determined
you've got me
thinking that you really meant
what you've said

even when your eyes crinkle at the corner
and your skin feels like textured paper

even when you forgot your keys,
or your name, or even me

i promise you— i will never leave

that day you almost got caught
for theft
you clasp my hand so tight
and we ran
and ran and ran and ran
until we're out of breath

but i think
what you've stolen that day
wasn't
the pretty music box for your little sister
but instead,
was my heart

loving you

was like self-mutilation



loving you

was like how a high school girl

first picked up the blade

and prayed for the courage

to drag it across her skin



loving you

was like how a dancer

bent over the toilet

to regurgitate back

what she had eaten

for dinner

in secret



loving you

was like sneaking out of my house

thrilled

hoping not to get caught



loving you

was like discovering the entire universe

not knowing

that there isn’t air

in this vacuum



loving you

was like a old man

gasping for breaths in between

before his death bed



loving you

was like catching a glimpse

of how the world is



loving you

is both

exciting

aphrodisiac

hurting

hopeless

when you kissed me
you sent a shock wave into me
that not even a 12.8
on the Richter scale
can compare
—————————————
I thought about the possibilities
that we both might have
walked past each other
but without acknowledgement
—————————————
one day
you’ll no longer be
my missing jigsaw piece
because someone out there
can fix me better
than you ever did

somehow, the thought of being back here again made me feel all the emotions i didnt know i was capable of feeling all at once, again.
it’s almost amusing that how a certain place, or person, could stir up memories that you thought you’ve clearly forgotten— or the ones that you’ve tried so hard to bury.
and that facade that you’ve worked so hard to build came crashing down; all on that instance, destroying everything that you’ve accomplished— just because of that small, insignificant comment which reminded you of all the reasons you love about him.

i. impenetrable skin and callouses feet and broken limbs. i am too fragile to hold the stars and the moon; they sink into me via osmosis, threatening to spill. the solar system as my nervous system, and the seven seas pumping through my veins with a rush of adrenaline so that i’ll always have salt water to heal my broken bones. my flesh clamored against my ribcage, feelings vigorously pushing, forcing me to bruise. your eyes like the ocean, so deep and cerulean made my heart susceptible to attack.

ii. they say that the earth is a magnetic field; and if you were north, i’ll be south.

iii. and if you’re the shells on the shores, i’ll be the incoming waves; no matter how many times you’ve failed me, i’ll always be trying.

iv. the fourth time i’ve watched you leave, it was like witnessing you on a plane that’s about to crash. you were always my achilles’ heel.

v. you kiss the bruises on my skin, without knowing that you've healed all the shattered dreams. hollow bones. but now, they ignite with flames. and i am burning, still.

vi. i still miss you, you know.

vii. but you were collateral damage.