normally the weather outside stays outside
but today it effects me like an ocean tide
seeing the fog at 7:53am
everything sensed became bland

once the cold kicked in and the ice ascended
the warmth inside rescended
a day i wished to be left alone
could not be acquired because of my own

three of them calling for undivided attention
the two oldest in constant dissension
oh the noise of it all
slowly boiling in my veins as a crawl

anger rising tattle by tattle
body still but beginning to rattle
i tell them to leave each other alone
i tell them to leave me alone

the weather outside
has found its way inside
i am cold and brittle
i feel so little

- S.M.S

I chose to be with you that night because I was lonely.
I missed the feeling of arms around me.
I chose to come around as long as you would see me.
I missed you at first almost desparately.

Dealing with everything in the beginning and even now is not easy
I don't know what to say or what not to say
Continuelly processing excitement, pain, and fear
Mostly just needing a listening a ear

Is it so crazy that I would be drawn to you?
We  have a lot of the same likes, such as and not limited to the color blue.
You are new to me as I am to you.
When we first met what you knew of me was not completely true.

There are so many feelings, emotions, and questions to be sorted through.
What I have said to you I will try my best to prove.
Great things to learn about each other.
I can honestly say that I choose going through this with you and no other.

You are worth a fight not only because of the importance of your presence in my life,
But you are important for who you are.
You belong here just as much as anyone else. Don't give up because of the strife.
Let me into your world and I will never be far.

I choose you now and for as long as I can endure.
No need for games or charm to allure.
You can choose me if you like, I'm here to stay
I'll be here even if you go away

I'm sorry for the pain that has befallen you
I know I can't fix it and I won't try
When you're ready to let it go...I'll be ready with the super glue
We can mend each other's wounds and broken parts alright

I am afraid but I am willing to see this through to the end
You are now and will forever be my friend
Here's my key just as long as you get to know more
Then you can decide whether or not to unlock the door

As long as we hold onto the words we have spoken
We can be loyal even while we are broken
I will do my best to show you kindness and respect
Hoping you will see that I'm trying to be circumspect

I do not love you so much right now
it is also too early to throw in the towel
This child, these thoughts, these decisions
This life is between you and me

- S.M.S

why do i even bother to ask
why i do i even care
just a mindless task
when i honestly dont want to care


why can't i just let it go
keep all the rejection away
and let the hope flow
save it for a rainy day


why do you stay on my mind
make me fall to my knees at the drop of a dime
leave me alone today
bring me back tomorrow to repay


how do i free myself from these chains
i've created on my own and i dont even know how
waking every hour to the screams of the trains
i want to be done with it. i want it to be over now


i want to be able to move on
but i keep coming back here
sooner than later all that i have left will be gone
you'll be laughing the whole time just sitting there

all in all it just makes me sad
:(
- S.M.S

Did you know: I loved you when I never said it?
how much you meant to me?
I would have stayed?
how much it hurt to let go and walk away?


what I was going to say before I said it?
that I still want to be with you?
that if you asked me to come back I would?
that there could be someone else?


Do you know that I would think of you when I'm with them?
Did you know I dream about you often?
Did you know most of the dreams I've had have come true?
Did you know any of this? Does it matter?

- S.M.S

It's a series of back and forth
The way we are the way we move
I've never experienced anything like it on this earth
It's better than the best available *****


If I had chosen not to give birth
Well that wouldn't happen; because I highly disaprove
Abortion would have left a hole deep in my girth
And that is not something I want to try and prove


We have *** like its going out of style
Masking our emotions so we can get by
Yet all it is doing is fueling our denial
So afraid of fully letting go; I wonder why


Making the best of what I'm given
Sometimes falling into the oblivion
Losing hope in the life I'm living
Feeling the sting of the desert scorpion


If only to be numb from the sensory
It overwhelms me when I think too much
I need to compartmentalize all my registry
Stop looking for a way out; stop finding that crutch

- S.M.S

I like to explore with you
Do things I wouldn't normally do
Draw pictures on your wall
With you I don't feel so small

We paint pictures together of who we really are
Only seeing a little glimpse so far
You try to figure me out
When I constantly change, you start to pout

I accept you as the person you portray
Only wanting to know you more; either way
I won't say I love you because you won't accept it
But I will show you and live with no regret

To some people I am who I seem to be
To others I am however they have made me
When I am with you I am who I am
Even on those days I close up like a clam

No bravado, no charades, no mixed signals
Just who I am, a person single
I don't play games, but I may fuss
If you hurt me I may even cuss

My heart is torn in bits and pieces
But when I am with you the pain seizes
I come and go at my leisure
I tend to be a teaser

If not for you my world would be a mess
My life would be in duress
Without you I would turn to a dark shade of blue
I am so thankful for who I am when I'm with you

- S.M.S