It can go either way
But it cannot be either way

The ways of opportunities
Or the numerous possibilities

Continuous halls and doors to roam
through life collectively and alone

Knock. Knock.
Who's there?

Capacity and Limitations.
May we come in?

No thank you. I like my present company.

Come and visit with me once you have passed through all the other doors and halls a trillion times a trillion times moreso.
I'll be staying right here either way.

In elementary school my favorite part of recess was balancing on a teeter totter talking with a friend.
I don't remember our conversations anymore but I often picture us crossed legged or legs dangling balancing opposite of each other.
Over two decades have passed since those days and I find that I still aim to sit or stand relatively balanced.
On this teeter totter I now play on in the recesses of my memory a loud and obnoxious boy comes to upheave me from my post.
As the years go by the person attempting to knock me off my station changes.
I long for a companion to sit with me and just balance. To be engaged with me in a silent communication.
I long for a counter balance to lighten me when I become too heavy and to strengthen me when I become too weak.
And I yearn for a partner that can dance with me along the thin board of this teeter totter, completely in tune with the patterns and motions of each other in a splendid harmony.
Falling off the teeter totter one too many times. I no longer trust others to maintain the balance I am seeking. Maybe this is why engagement has become so frightening.

I cannot say that we were ever really close.

We knew each other sure.

When the door was locked and closed.

Careful not to say your name because of its allure.

In your absence another I have chose.

Now time has taken us a world away.

I lost touch with you
I lost sight of you
I lost the sounds of you
I lost lessons taught by you

I thought I won by losing you
I was wrong by losing you
I lost

Dear ex lover
Whom I loved before
I miss you daily more and more
But I can't tell you that's for sure

Am I the cancer
eating you from the inside out?
Am I your frustration
that manifests as gout?
Am I the cause for when you shout
or the reason for why you pout?
Do you have no control over your
thoughts or your tongue?
Do you know how much poison
into the air you have flung?
I am not the one to blame for your actions.
I am not your frustration.
I am not the cancer.
I am the part of you that you call daughter.

I am the baby you knew of the moment of conception.
I am the infant that giggled and smiled at you unconditionally.
I am the little girl that sought you for protection.
I am the young lady that needed lessons to learn.
I am the woman inspired by the woman that raised you.
I am the adult that was influenced by your good and bad examples.
I am the part of you that you call daughter.