my heart hurt
with every laugh
every scarring word
engraved and pierced into
my ego

just a child
forced into silence
by your contempt
and obsession with self
and pity

who was i to love
when my reflection
only revealed the very
person you saw in me
and despised

your opposite
enveloped in silence
that caused you rage
depression, selfishness
and hate

you ask me for kindness
to appreciate you
and what you do
and have done
for me

you say that it seems
like i don't respect you
but  i am silent as always
yet in my mind
i assent

for who could
acknowledge
you whom couldn't
cry for anyone
but herself

and how could i
respect you when i still
haven't found myself or anyone
to love me in place
of you

the morning was colder, silent
the most quiet i remember

she had been the heartbeat
that brought a room warmth

our steps were now dark
filled in reminiscing, melancholy rhythms

her face watched from the walls still
perfume permeated into tears

where was this place, that felt like a
long sigh of remorse and regret

the what should have beens',
what we could have dones'

what needed to be said
still without a shape

where could fate take us from now
fleeting from our very eyes

the implication held in her absence
there was no lie to be found

this morning, even if we begged
time wouldn't be put on the shelf

not for an hour, not for two
would time give us a passing glance

fate never clasped to pity nor sorrow
she simply swept by those time paralyzed

and we were blaming everything
that could possibly hold weight

the night that lasted too long
the dawn that rose too late

*the silence that had enveloped her
before truth took shape

i've realized
that i can no longer hear
your heart beating
even with my ear to
your chest

i've come to see
why you no longer seek
the warmth i give
to your cold skin and
calm hands

i've searched
for the sound of your love
in thousands of songs
a glance of desire
in many eyes

i've become
desperate to find myself
reflected in your mind
in your writing or inked
to the bone

but i have nothing
no hope to cling onto
that believes in your truths
gives meaning to your silence
and absence of heat

i have nothing
to listen for when
you hold me close at night
no lust fleeting languidly
across your lips

no comfort before i sleep
only waning words
and quiet evenings
with your omnipresent
impatience to say
goodbye

i've realized
i have you no longer

he feels his love in a different place
not in his heart, never in his face
he says love takes on the shape of voice
but that measley i love you's don't suffice

he pronounces his love in shivering tones
that ring for so long i feel not alone
and in his whispers i feel a desire flutter
that surrounds my body in heated shudders

he takes my hand but i feel no love
so i glance from his eyes to his lips above
and he hums so softly without any rhythm
so that i may feel him in his love's slow hymn

he feels his love in a different place
sometimes in his heart, never the face
but when he sings with love's sweet voice
i know simple i love you's will never suffice

quiet and still
i waited
and watched
your wings
outspread
and beating
against
the wind
flying faster
and farther
from where
i still stand

to this very
moment

i'm waiting
and watching
listening
for the sound
of your
wings
beating
only for
me

in a rage
i drained my heart
of the blood that pumped
for you

in a daze
i fell to my knees
as my soul was ripped
in two

to the light
i had seen you flee
in a moment of weakness
you wept

for the love
you believed bereft
yet still in my heart
i kept

but your eyes
by then became blind
to my veins that
pulsed desire

and endlessly now
i yearn for your love
whom you too ****** into
the fire