No
Not this time
Not at this point
Not now
...
Help
Help me see
Help me fight back
Help me
...
Truth
Truth can ****
Truth is pure pain
Truth hurts
...

I lay in my cave
I've been here for many years now
Waiting for you to use me
You've used my brothers
You've taken away my sisters
My parents are long gone
But yet i remain
Lonely and sorrowful
Waiting for something to happen
I guess I should be hopeful
I mean, it's only a matter of time
Before you're heart is broken
Or someone calls you names
Or your dad beats you again
Or maybe the neighbor's dog might even bite your leg
Wouldn't that be lovely?
But instead you just sit there
In your room
Doing nothing
Nothing at all
I don't think you have many friends
Not many people come visit you
And you don't really leave that much
Except to go to school
I don't want to be used there
I will not show myself in front of those *******
But maybe
Just maybe
If I'm very lucky
One of them will say something to you
And you'll go home early
Then you'll want to flop down on your bed
And I might finally be released
Oh boy!
Won't that be something?
There is one thing that bothers me, though...
There's a shiny piece of metal
That you seem to love to use
Whenever it comes out
I get really excited
Because maybe I'll finally be set free
But what if I fall on the metal thing?
It looks so scary
Even though you keep it so shiny
If i fall on that
I fear that you may wipe me off
Oh please don't wipe me off!
I want to fall next to you on your bed
And be there
Every night
Forever
To comfort you
To watch you
To behold you
It is my dream to be let free
Please give in
Please let me go

The last breath
Is always the longest
Always the slowest
Always the quickest

The last breath
Is always the hardest
Always the easiest
Always the calmest

Scitzophrenic
Sounds all around me
Irritated
Hurting inside
The pain is swelling
Growing and growing
Sounds
Boom
Bang
Clink
Smash
Zip
Crinkle
Laugh
Words hanging in the air
Like exclamation marks
Ready to seek out their prey
Poking me
Tapping
Touching
Slithering
Wrapping around me
Strangling me
Sounds
Clink clink clink clink clink
Keys on the piano
Pounding in my head
All around me
I don't want to be captured again
I am a captive of my own mind

Here and now
We say our final goodbyes
We say that we want to part ways
But we really want to stay
We don't want things to end
We never did
We love each other
We were meant for each other
We have shared so many perfect memories
We had perfect days
We had perfect months
We had perfect years
We wish this wasn't happening
We will miss each other so terribly much
We will never be apart for long
We always come back to each other
We love each other that much
We care for each other
We comfort each other
We need each other
We make a perfect team
Like fire and ice
Like peanut butter and jelly
Like life and death.
But one of us became unhappy.
Was it you?
Was it me?
I can't remember.
I wish we didn't have to end
I loved you.
Did you love me?
You said you did.
I wish I could know for sure.
I want to stay with you forever.
I miss you already.
I will never be the same without you.
I don't know how I'll survive.
I remember all the fun times I shared with you.
I like to think about my past with you.
I wish I had had more time with you.
I know that you might still come back for me.
I hope you do.
I miss you.
Do you miss me?

Turning and turning, I take quick looks around
I can see that this world once was lost now is found
The music inside me fills up in my head
I sing to the lyrics that kept me from dead
The lyrics are words that speak volumes in a tune
Now maybe, just maybe, I'll be swimming in June
I no more need a razor in the dark of the night
To whisper that everything will be alright
The bloodlust has settled, the cravings are gone
I find myself smiling after each tired yawn
The smiles are payments depression has paid
To make up for the hurt for which I got no aide
Depression is evil, depression is tough
It's job is to go 'round making sure your life's rough
Pretty silly, I think, that it's job is to hurt
When some people already treat us like dirt
In the end, what's it matter? You've still got your pride
I wish that depression would get up and hide
But hiding is something depression does best
We can't reach out for help, we don't do what is best
For us since the depression has swallowed our mind
But when it is gone I will promise you'll find
A much happier person that comes out so strong
That depression is cornered; it knows it's done wrong
Depression is evil, depression is tough
It's job is to go 'round making sure your life's rough

The bright glint of the blade shines right back through my eyes.
My grimace appears as I slice through my thighs.
At first, nothing happens. Did I come down too weak?
But my question is answered as my blood starts to seep
Through the cuts on my legs, through the tissues on top
Of the cuts (I had placed there to act as a mop)
For the blood was still flowing, it was still coming hard,
I would've been worried, but I kept tracks of the shards
'Cuz there were none, you see, thus it's easy to tell
That the blood from inside me was dripping to Hell.
I wrote words with my razor; I wrote messages, too.
I wrote them to help me see all I am. Who
Knows what could happen, who knows what comes next?
For all that I know I will die in a wreck
Of two cars. Or maybe God will spare me my shame,
And let me bleed out and forget all the pain.
It's the pain that controls me; it tells me to try
To use all of my power to help me to die.

You will destroy the people around you.
That girl you have the biggest crush on?
You won't be around to find out that she likes you back
But was just too shy to say anything.
That boy that has you swooning over him?
You won't be around
When he finally comes to you to say that he shares your feelings
That little girl who was showing you her dolls yesterday?
You were one of the first people that had ever made her smile.
The boy you tutor in math?
He was going to drop out of school.
Until you showed him that he wasn't dumb, like he thought he was.
You helped him discover that where he lacked in math,
He was gifted in literature.
Your best friend?
How do you think she would take it if you left?
Your parents?
The kids on your street?
Your teachers?

I see myself in pieces
Closer than I think
The pain has left
It has been gone for a long time
But as I look in the mirror
I don't see my reflection
I see pieces of myself
Covering the floor
My sadness
Over in the corner
My happiness
Over talking to my anger
By the water fountain
I watch my fears crawl across the floor
Trying to find my weaknesses
But my strengths are protecting them already
While my flaws conceal themselves in shadows
And my depression goes from room to room
Trying to find my pain
But my pain is hidden well
The ones who search the hardest
Will never find it
But the ones who never look
Know exactly where it is

What if
When this life ends
There will never be another life
What if
There is no tomorrow
We have no idea
What if
With the words we say
We end up changing someone's life
What if
We don't know what we have
Until we have nothing anymore
What if
Until we have nothing anymore
We don't know what we have
What if
We end up changing someone's life
With the words we say
What if
We have no idea
There is no tomorrow
What if
There will never be another life
When this life ends
What if

My feelings for you are intense as can be;
You've opened my eyes and allowed me to see.
A new light is dawning, a new life awaits,
A magical world that just we could create.
A beautiful world filled with love, not despair;
It's amazing to know that you'll always be there
For me, even if times start to get very rough,
I know you'll stand by me and help me be tough.
A text of a call from you makes my day bright;
A little 'sweet dreams' helps me smile at night.
I think of you often, you appear in my dreams,
You're perfect in every way, shape, form, and means.

I grab the sharp object so tight in my fist.
As it cuts through my skin, I can hear myself hiss.
The pain is so lovely, but it still hurts inside,
To always go 'round telling all of those lies.
"Yes, of course I am happy!", "I don't know what you'd expect
From a girl who goes home and starts slicing her skin and she's wreck-
Ing her body, which all know to be fat."
Why, what'd you expect? For me not to say that?
"Oh, dear Sir, nice to meet you, ignore the scars on my wrist.
I try hard to hide them, but sometimes I miss
Them while I'm covering them with ridiculous sleeves.
I'm sorry if sweatshirts in summer's a peeve."
"Oh, and Miss, you look lovely, with your bones sticking out.
How lovely it'd be to not have any doubt
In my body, but sadly, I still cannot say
That I don't try to look like you by starving each day."
The pain is so lovely, but it still hurts inside,
To always go 'round telling all of those lies.

My greatest pleasure takes the form of my deepest pain.
I take a blade to my wrist and watch the blood rain.
People around me see a smile so sweet;
Little do they know that I burn in the heat
Of Hell, and I see Satan as I cry.
I drown in the blood as I say my final goodbye.

Lies
Everyone tells them
No one likes them
They are only there to hurt us
Lies
They spread like a wildfire
You can't stop them from growing
No taking anything back
Lies
Always coming back to bite you
Never just a harmless slip
Made to crush the people around you
Lies
You are in control
They all bow down to you
You are in charge of what happens
Lies
There's one you didn't start
You never did that!!!
Your life is SO over
Lies
They surround us daily
No one can stop them
A mind of their own

I feel so empty. I don't know why.
I feel like i need to sob myself to sleep. But I cannot cry.
I don't feel like cutting. Now, THAT is NO lie.
But all i can do it sit here. And hope and pray and try.
*I don't want to die.

I slice through the air, bring it down on my wrist,
To hold back my cringe, my hand turns into a fist.
I drag the sharp edge 'cross the skin on my arm,
Little do most know that I'm into self harm.
The pain now subsides, the blood starts to flow free,
My emotions go with it, though most cannot see
The true me, for I hide it behind a bright smile,
No one's truly seen the real me in a while.
I bandage my wounds to promote faster healings,
I lose sight of the blood, I lose sight of my feelings.
With my cuts nicely dressed and my urge drawing weak,
I pack up my tools, though I still feel quite bleak.
I put my tools away, safely hidden now, but...
I might have to use them the next time I cut.

In the end,
What does it matter?
All our faults,
All our mistakes.
When we leave,
How will they remember us?
By our choices.
Will it be worth it?
Scars covering your body.
Will it be worth it?
Starving yourself until you are just skin and bones.
Tell me, is it all worth it?
Even if you go, people will still judge you.
Do you really want people to look at your dead body,
And be disgusted by what they see?
Because they will.
If you leave, you let them win.
If you leave, nothing you ever did will matter.
All that will matter is what horrible things you did to yourself.
Are you willing to let that happen?
Because that's a choice you will have to make.
If you leave, those scars will stay there forever.
They will never heal.
You will never find out how much you are loved.

Some battle scars are honorable.
But ask yourself this:
*Are yours?

You don't know what I've been through, you don't know how I've strived
To put an end to this madness which kept me alive.
The pressure is poison, the sight of it's pain,
I no longer feel tempted to leave my red stain.
I'm fixed now, I'm stronger, but there's Miles to go
To get to the point when I know that I'll know
That it's more than a phase, but it shouldn't consume
Your whole life, there are things in life that you can choose
I will know ending things is an unpleasant way
To battle the hurt that I fought every day
My heart soars and leaps, it dances about
How good it does feel to just let it all out
In ways that are healthy, in ways that are safe
You struggled in past but now have stronger faith
In yourself, which is good, it will help you to heal
Those scars won't define you, you'll be someone real
The bracelets will break and the shirt sleeves will go
To a place far away, you will understand though
That your scars don't define you, they're a battle you fought
And sometimes the battles mean more than the not