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Jessica Feb 2014
Here and now
We say our final goodbyes
We say that we want to part ways
But we really want to stay
We don't want things to end
We never did
We love each other
We were meant for each other
We have shared so many perfect memories
We had perfect days
We had perfect months
We had perfect years
We wish this wasn't happening
We will miss each other so terribly much
We will never be apart for long
We always come back to each other
We love each other that much
We care for each other
We comfort each other
We need each other
We make a perfect team
Like fire and ice
Like peanut butter and jelly
Like life and death.
But one of us became unhappy.
Was it you?
Was it me?
I can't remember.
I wish we didn't have to end
I loved you.
Did you love me?
You said you did.
I wish I could know for sure.
I want to stay with you forever.
I miss you already.
I will never be the same without you.
I don't know how I'll survive.
I remember all the fun times I shared with you.
I like to think about my past with you.
I wish I had had more time with you.
I know that you might still come back for me.
I hope you do.
I miss you.
Do you miss me?
Jessica Feb 2014
What if
When this life ends
There will never be another life
What if
There is no tomorrow
We have no idea
What if
With the words we say
We end up changing someone's life
What if
We don't know what we have
Until we have nothing anymore
What if
Until we have nothing anymore
We don't know what we have
What if
We end up changing someone's life
With the words we say
What if
We have no idea
There is no tomorrow
What if
There will never be another life
When this life ends
What if
Jessica Feb 2014
Scitzophrenic
Sounds all around me
Irritated
Hurting inside
The pain is swelling
Growing and growing
Sounds
Boom
Bang
Clink
Smash
Zip
Crinkle
Laugh
Words hanging in the air
Like exclamation marks
Ready to seek out their prey
Poking me
Tapping
Touching
Slithering
Wrapping around me
Strangling me
Sounds
Clink clink clink clink clink
Keys on the piano
Pounding in my head
All around me
I don't want to be captured again
I am a captive of my own mind
Jessica Feb 2014
No
Not this time
Not at this point
Not now
...
Help
Help me see
Help me fight back
Help me
...
Truth
Truth can ****
Truth is pure pain
Truth hurts
...
Jessica Feb 2014
I see myself in pieces
Closer than I think
The pain has left
It has been gone for a long time
But as I look in the mirror
I don't see my reflection
I see pieces of myself
Covering the floor
My sadness
Over in the corner
My happiness
Over talking to my anger
By the water fountain
I watch my fears crawl across the floor
Trying to find my weaknesses
But my strengths are protecting them already
While my flaws conceal themselves in shadows
And my depression goes from room to room
Trying to find my pain
But my pain is hidden well
The ones who search the hardest
Will never find it
But the ones who never look
Know exactly where it is
Jessica Feb 2014
You don't know what I've been through, you don't know how I've strived
To put an end to this madness which kept me alive.
The pressure is poison, the sight of it's pain,
I no longer feel tempted to leave my red stain.
I'm fixed now, I'm stronger, but there's Miles to go
To get to the point when I know that I'll know
That it's more than a phase, but it shouldn't consume
Your whole life, there are things in life that you can choose
I will know ending things is an unpleasant way
To battle the hurt that I fought every day
My heart soars and leaps, it dances about
How good it does feel to just let it all out
In ways that are healthy, in ways that are safe
You struggled in past but now have stronger faith
In yourself, which is good, it will help you to heal
Those scars won't define you, you'll be someone real
The bracelets will break and the shirt sleeves will go
To a place far away, you will understand though
That your scars don't define you, they're a battle you fought
And sometimes the battles mean more than the not
Jessica Feb 2014
Turning and turning, I take quick looks around
I can see that this world once was lost now is found
The music inside me fills up in my head
I sing to the lyrics that kept me from dead
The lyrics are words that speak volumes in a tune
Now maybe, just maybe, I'll be swimming in June
I no more need a razor in the dark of the night
To whisper that everything will be alright
The bloodlust has settled, the cravings are gone
I find myself smiling after each tired yawn
The smiles are payments depression has paid
To make up for the hurt for which I got no aide
Depression is evil, depression is tough
It's job is to go 'round making sure your life's rough
Pretty silly, I think, that it's job is to hurt
When some people already treat us like dirt
In the end, what's it matter? You've still got your pride
I wish that depression would get up and hide
But hiding is something depression does best
We can't reach out for help, we don't do what is best
For us since the depression has swallowed our mind
But when it is gone I will promise you'll find
A much happier person that comes out so strong
That depression is cornered; it knows it's done wrong
Depression is evil, depression is tough
It's job is to go 'round making sure your life's rough
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