I let a person go
Not because he's not good enough
Not because I wished for more
Not because he has got a strange taste
Not because our conversations are boring
Not because I don't have enough time to commit
Not because he hurts me in some way he didn't realise
Not because our relationship is hard
Not because I thought it's unfair that he decided our path
Not because he is growing differently
But because days by days, I've became more uncertain
No matter what grows throughout our time, one thing for sure, uncertainty grows along with it
It's like there are holes everywhere
Holes of where hopes usually fill
But now that I'm 20, I learnt that we can never hard enough to make sure all of our hopes and dreams will come true.

Before i close the chapter to these names
only god knows how much i want to love them
as i am
and now
i just dont care if my friends would say
until the whispering wind follows me
and say
you are cowardly running away from the reality
because that is all i see
as a way out
and i know how wicked it is
i dont care if the nowhere's night
needles of 13 degree celcius
would poke me into the core
and seize all painlessness
i dont care if its winter
would **** my soul with its negative
i wont moan
if i cant find my favorite mist of morning breeze
maybe i'll just find another kind of suffocation there
i wont be wearing my favourite blouse in the lace
but just a plain sweater instead
i wont moan
i promise myself i wont
nothing else than i could wish
please just grant my wish
that no one from my past remember me
cause in this small town
id rather fade away from minds
so the frets and laughs of us
wouldnt collide
as the way you hate it so much

Yes and yes,i've meet this point of my life when it seems so different from all my wishings and fairy-tales.If yesterday i hope we're the prince and the princess who had a happy ending which finally together after a lovely skinny love,now that i suddenly come to wonder that how good it would be if we don't have anything between.It sounds like now im the one who want to lose you and be free and try another atmosphere.I want to be away,let go every frets and give up on things which seems so hard.Well,let's start earning and i swear to myself since then that i just want to *see and understand

And when the day comes,
when i cant write poems anymore
when i always wanting to run away
when i use my eyes most for something else than to see
when i dismiss every party invitations
when i reject every outings
when i dont care what tomorrow will be like
when people can find me nowhere but my room
when music can no longer cure me
when my bestfriend can no longer help me
when i dont crave for green
when i dont wait for schoolday
when i pay attention to the breeze more than the community
when black and white are the brightest hues to me
when im no longer go to the school canteen
when im just no longer
between nadhirah yasmin ainnur ross and ainun at most of the time
when i dont walk anymore and just wait to die
when i just talk to god and nobody else
when i dont tweet anymore
when you cant see my post passing thru in instagram
when i stop reblogging even though i used to attracted to tumblr so much
when i just stop doing things i love the most
when i stop try making myself happy
when i just stop believing of life
thats when i really realise i lose *you

The older i get
the stronger my faith gets
this world is so a fade away
so i decided to live somewhere else
which is just all the things
i wanted to exist,exist
and its just the things i dont have will to live
doesnt even experience extinction
where i can breath as much as i blink my eyes
without frets
but theres one thing that conquer me the strongest
which i believe it is existing between dream and reality
beautifully adapted from reality
restored with the perfection of dream
his sighs,his laughters
i can hear not more
than the distance between the index and the middle

It dont feels like a school anymore
its a place to decide
to show who you are
to make everyone clear of what and where you are

for everyday i wake up for it
i came to be thinking
what will today will be?
what will i feel when its over?
what kind of regret will i moan?
what kind of satisfaction will i grin for?
what kind of suspension will i plead on?

setting up a goal at the first
to smile to everyone
to make everything alright
or to reset things
to forgive everyone
sometimes
i decided to be alone all day
to not giving a **** to what my friends will say
to not caring how stronger my haters will feel
to try not to look at my current perception

so i could just breath from myself to myself

Sometimes it seems like its only me
who struggle
who moan
who want it to be perfect
who try
who don't sleep thinking
who try my best
who stand
who hope
and who pray

Well maybe because its life
not everything can portray something
you see
life now is so a fade away
summer isn't the bright flaring sun anymore
winter isn't the sparkling frozens blessed-from-above anymore
like spring
its kinda forever
if they say its the flower
perfectly blossoms
beautifully petalled
but here in the faith flowing in me
its just not flower
its just the reality
everything and everyone
come to be happening like the flowers
one by one
*slowly unfurl to be made sense

No
im not that betrayal creatures
which disappear
once i felt cherished
right after they call me
but what about people who forget me
when im done cherishing them
what about me
you see
im flawed
i can't stand them forgetting me
just like that
im not
as real
as bright
as victorious
as the stars
but im one of them
but just a different kind of one
i have to dissapear
putting those blames on me
*im okay

He's hueless
But the brightest
I don't know how bright he is
But what i know
His flaw is only hued
But still
I just saw the hueless part