hate. love. envy. disgust. what do all these words have in common? me. and you. how? you ask how? these are what i feel for and about you. i love you. and i hate you. i envy you. and i am disgusted by you. baby, you confuse me.. you make me feel things ive never felt before. OFF. turn it off. but i cant. what i feel for and about you is so strong. i want to spend every moment with you. and yet i never want to see you again. baby, you confuse me.. do our actions speak louder than words? then what are we saying? when our bodies meet we're saying we love eachother. but when im covering my bruises i know i hate you. baby, you confuse me.. i envy your sense of freedom and control. but what you do with that freedom and control, it disgusts me. youre always mentally free, physically in control, and completely disgusting. baby, you confuse me.. how you punish me for my mistakes, and never notice my achievements. but im sure thats easy when youre constant achievements and no mistakes. and i know im at fault for hiding your biggest mistakes. with you, im always at fault. baby, you confuse me.. such a loving gentleman with such hate filled eyes. eyes that say youre watching. eyes that say you see my mistakes. eyes that say I WILL PAY. and then the next day, eyes that say youre sorry. eyes that say it will never happen again. baby, you confuse me.. because it always happens again. i always make some mistake. i always trip you up in some way. and im always punished accordingly. but okay, its not always the same. sometimes its your fist. sometimes its the belt. and someimes its the blade.baby, you confuse me.. because you think im coming back. you think i need you. you think youre still in control. but i got away. and i hope that i confuse you. because now im in control. i make mistakes but i am NOT always at fault for everything. my eyes say that im happy. **and it will never happen again.

Build me up just to tear me down.
Keep it up, I don't need you around.
Yet somehow I always run back.
Begging you for your vicious attack.
I don't know how to get myself out.
Even though I know what you're about.
You've got me stuck and all twisted up.
I can't get out, though I've had enough.
I won't come back I promise you that.
But I've said that before and look where I'm at.

Smoke a blunt, pack a bowl send me on my way.

Feeling better but feeling worse every single day.

Dont know what to do about this vicious circle im stuck in.

All I can do is give it to God and let the healing begin.

But I still miss it everyday and Im not sure why.

Why do I love it so much and always wanna get high.

No where else to turn so Im on my knees prayin.

Let God take it over cuz dood he aint playin.

I got the Jesus man holdin it down fightin temptation.

And I cant stop pushin now cuz Im building up Christs nation.

I know that Christ will use me for the greater good.

Just gotta get my story across and be understood.

Cuz I been thru the tradjedies and tried to escape it.

But I had to face reality and Im proud that I made it.

And I couldnt do it without Him yeah my savior till the end.

Only following Jesus not just following some trend.

And nobody can stop me even though satan will try.

But Ima prove him wrong its just a matter of time.

Cuz Ima find the best of me and use it to serve the Lord.

Even if its just my rhymes I wont be ignored.