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catherine Apr 2013
you twist my guts over
wring them in between
your hands like wet laundry
spinning them with joy
and dread

i miss your steel guitar and your star crossed heart
but i can never look at you the same again.
catherine Apr 2013
how you laughed when you heard the news
rationalizing
he isn’t dead just in
a different room

and for six years you fabricated business trips
made your life busy
he walks out and you walk in
too many just-missed-hims to count

until

one night your wall falls down, and six years
worth of tears push their way out of your eyes
he really was dead all this time
he really was dead all this time
he really was dead
he really is dead

reality hits you hard, a kick to the throat,
a low punch to the stomach
so you curl up smaller
and smaller
until you feel you may disappear.
catherine Apr 2013
i might be turning into my mother.

after all,
i have her straight nose
and her broad bones
her stubbornness to
hold on to the truths you know
and the lies you don't.


i might be turning into my father.

after all,
i have his brown eyes
and his quick mind
his readiness to
leave things behind and *let the road
unfold like twine.
catherine Apr 2013
and it is as simple as this:

i loved him first.
i loved
him first

but i loved you more.
catherine Apr 2013
i am tired
of apologizing.

i should not have to
apologize

for being an
inconvience

for not being
perfect

you say
you love me, but

you have taken me
to the point where

the words
i’m sorry

don’t even sound like words
anymore.
catherine Apr 2013
in the
dark
with your body pressed against mine, you ask me questions
because you want to know my mind
want to know me
and not just the face you see

you ask me things like
what is your favorite color, food, embarrassing memory,
etc.
etc.
etc.

all pretty tame questions
ever break anything? you say and i assume you mean
bones so i tell you about breaking my wrist, the
snapped radius and the misplaced ulna
but you stop me
no, like,
broken something. you know?

something like someone’s heart?

and i think no nothing like that because i’m not sure
if anyone else has ever loved me
enough to be sad
i left

but i don’t say that
instead
i tell you about smashing plates against the wall
for fun
and when i’m done

you’re fast asleep.
catherine Apr 2013
you promised too much
too soon

to a girl
with no interest in
a lassoed
moon
catherine May 2013
this is the first night
i have felt alive in a long, long time
we are burning our insides
and i swear,
it isn't love,
i promise
i've just got open eyes
corrupted lungs
and you have this way
of letting things
tumble out of your mouth
that should have
stayed inside
catherine Apr 2013
when we met he smelled
like tobacco and vanilla
and he looked like trouble

maybe he was a little
rough and tumble and liked
to fight bare-knuckled

but he kickstarted my
heart right into
overdrive
catherine Apr 2013
i tear at my hair as if
thoughts of you

are connected to the roots and god
******, i want you out

i wanted you to
get the **** out

but you wanted your way
and you were going
to have it if that meant

ripped clothes and
tattered innocence
catherine Apr 2013
some sins are not worth it.
anger is one of them.

if i was the one crashing through
burning buildings,
he was the one with the matches
and the lighter fluid
calling it brandy

and drinking it down

leaving us with nothing
but ashes.
catherine Apr 2013
every time our fingers lace together,
i am
afraid

because i feel complete,
which is a scary thing to feel when all your life
has been empty, a gaping
hole

and whenever you pull away,
i am
afraid

because this attachment is fatal
and it’s terrifying that you have ruined my life
all while making it
whole

— The End —