i have never been her
the girl with the perfect body
perfect face
perfect hair
perfect life

i have always been me
the girl with the good brain
bad attitude
average looks
struggling to get by

i knew I could never be her
but still i plastered my face in makeup
dumbed myself down
became anorexic
just so i could feel like her

now i look in the mirror
see a painted face
a small stomach
perfect clothes
and her staring back at me

then i realize i am gone
there is no me
only her

and now i know the truth
you cannot become someone else
you're you
because now I know
though i am not her
i am still beautiful in every way.

the world around me has become a tornado, everything around me is falling apart and flying away, but you are still here.
and though you are only a small strand of grass, i hold on to you against this raging storm.
eventually i know i must let go, for a single strand of grass cannot hold a burden as heavy as myself.
just know that when i let go and hurl myself into the whirlwind around us, i will forever be wishing i could've held on for a few moments more.

i was born with holes in me
all my life i’ve searching for someone with a needle and thread
searching for someone to put me back together again
people, they came in and they went out of my life
but none with that needle and thread
when each noticed the holes, they thought one of two things:
they could not find the means to patch the holes
or the holes simply frightened them away
i spent many days simply staring at the holes
wishing my fumbling hands or cascading tears could somehow seal them
but my hands and my tears could do nothing
i howled at the moon in agony while i watched the holes grow
as much i tried to find people to stitch me up i never could
yes, some stayed and held me as i endured the agony
but they could never seal them
never seal the passages to the deepest parts of me
the dark beckoned to me them
it said in the dark the holes would disappear
it said i would never feel the pain again
this temptation ate at me and ate at me like the very holes themselves
but today i am going out
i am going out to buy myself a needle and thread
to do what no one else can
i am going to buy a needle and thread
i am going to stitch myself back together again