mother problems
chicken pox
asked my aunt
she replied
shower my mother with love and care
after many tries
chicken pox
appointment to the end
of chicken pox
sent my mother a message that she wasn’t okay
drowsy drowsy
medicines
drowsy
shouts and screams
a clueless father
a I-dont-give-two-*******-***** sister
exams over
results out
failed my favourite subject
HOW DID I FAIL LITERATURE
chicken pox doctor
misdiagnosis
then gave me wrong number of weeks to rest
choreography for bollywood
tamil folk
parents were showering ill concealed parental
concern
went to support
ran ran ran
confused and nervous
of the entire world hating me
i ran. ran. i ******* ran
wash the dishes
cooked **** - got scolded for not cooking
extremely ***-y father
why the ******* hell did that happen
cooked
messed up dishes
ate dinner outside
whole family sick
syf prac horrendous
out of breath
trying to run
dinner outside everyday
people who didnt listen
people who didnt care about the dance
time limit
one week before kanal
havent finished choreography
CHICKEN ****** POX
came back to school
parents being ***
whole family down with chicken pox
mother working her *** off
she doesnt want any help
dancing dancing dancing  
mother’s talk about me trying to get away from dance
raffles diploma
performance
november performance
i couldnt dance
kicked out ruthlessly
kanal
five minutes before
a message no more such activities next year
marche dinner
screamed and screamed
out of breath
******* hole in my throat
ran ran ran ran ran
away from idiosyncrasies
raffles diploma
career choices
out of money
where did all the money go
where did all the money go
goals
fashion designer
parents : banker, scientist
work backwards from the goal
dance i want to dance
outings
2 days before
go on to khan academy
father only listens to himself
crushed bones
crushed ribcages
i cant breathe
still running

remember the times
I thought I was black and white as this page
My poems were out to represent
this black and white
and soon enough
this black and white starts to fade
with time everything starts to fade
once it had faded into the black and white
on this page
like this page
now it seems against the page
it fades into
more and more colors
the world's seems to be more than just
black and white
like on this page.

Holed up in a bed
With a few blankets
A running nose
Temperature as hot as a fire
Poor throat, my poor throat
Letting lose of the dust at its base
A running nose
A blocked nose
Hidden ears
burning forehead
sick.

Had a way with words
Had a way with these many letters
All scrunched together
Scrambled to the edges that hold them together
I don't know what I'm writing
Don't care enough to know
that I am writing.
Confusion and confusion
beguiles me
as I scrunch and scramble more words.

chilled to the core of the bone
with a myriad snowflakes
and beautiful beautiful shaven ice
around me
falling through my tousled hair
all bathing in the sun's glory
Wish I could be there.

people around me
are
over-achievers
all cut from the same cloth
OVER ACHIEVERS
people leading groups of people
getting As
involved in a million different things
and I sit here
with just one thing
and that one thing isn't even complete.

the body, a cage
myriad of feelings
craving to be let out

Hush, little child, stay right in there
You don't deserve to be let out

the body,
holding for the litany of plain actions
every single day

the body,
God is in it,
heaven?
hell?
what is this

the body,
a circus act
standing on a thin rope
ready to tilt and fall

a lifeless body
with a lifeless heart
sits there
awaiting the cold,cruel stab
to the heart

Where did you go?
Where is your spirit?
Remembered that you told me
that you'll be behind me all the way
That's what you said
The special connection we shared
Where did that go?
Have I changed to a somebody you didn't care about?
My mother , grandmother - all would have been better
if you didn't succumb to the weight of your heart on your shoulders
Why, why
Why do you do this
Was Heaven a far better place than Earth?
If that is so, tell me
how to get there
Or tell me
How to solve everything that comes my way
Life's been going downhill
Since the day you left us
Come back, grandpa
Come back
I miss you
and I love you.

Sacred place, it is
I lay on the ground
Soaking in the moisture and
the very green smell
I look to the white canopy above
and smile
sheepishly
my heart being caressed by the lovely words
uttered by thy soul
It's a lovely place
Close the door, opening my castle on the clouds
Closed from all bad days and bad nights
Closed from the monstrous glares and tiring faces
The endless criticisms
I can never run away to such beautiful places
Because monsters from my either world barge in
Bang the door
And scream
And pull
And drag me out.
O' ain't I the tired soul?

*Why can't you see?

sometimes,
when you are so sad,
so happy
you can't feel
it's a numbing sensation
passivity and neutral
and all
it's debilitating
you can't feel.
you can't know
what you need to know
and what you need to
feel.

when my fingers run over the
ivory keys
my heart beats
feel the staccato
riding over the little black sharps and flats
pounding pounding
little scared
fear fear
trembles trembles
in what music shall come
to the beating of the heart
the listening of the ear
what is there to come

it is apparently in
one's skin
the skin of a thousand generations
the gene structure of an ancestor
that holds the ultimate key
to their benign characteristics and thoughts
they rage, rage at the seemingly regret of
thousands of generations underneath
the pain, the fury, the happiness, the sadness,
all one in many
they pass down and down
and when they reached me,
I wondered.
Is everything still under my delicate skin?
Repent, repent
of a thousand generations more
Repent, repent my
own
skin,
the layer above many
and the layer below many more.

truthfully
to say
society *****.
imperfect individuals harping on the fact
that their kids grow up and mature
to the idea of perfection
and these kids
become the perfect type of imperfect individuals
each generation to sing the same type of
the perfection song.
sing to the tune, say that nobody is perfect
and they try to be perfect.
and when they reach near perfection,
when they are probably miles and miles away from it,
they preach to the song of perfection
amplify the defections of a crowd
and chaos erupts
it all becomes war and love combined
hence
society *****.

by margaret atwood


I would like to watch you sleeping,
which may not happen
I would like to watch you
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head 
and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear 
I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway 
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as breathing in 
I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.

here I am standing
blank
a piece of white fresh parchment
no hint of ink
no hint of a pencil sway
blank
My mind's
blank
Just white
Not even a hue of black
Just plain white
Colourless and dull
has my life been.
Blank.
has my mind been

here I am standing
blank
a piece of white fresh parchment
no hint of ink
no hint of a pencil sway
blank
My mind's
blank
Just white
Not even a hue of black
Just plain white
Colourless and dull
has my life been.
Blank.
has my mind been

here I am standing
blank
a piece of white fresh parchment
no hint of ink
no hint of a pencil sway
blank
My mind's
blank
Just white
Not even a hue of black
Just plain white
Colourless and dull
has my life been.
Blank.
has my mind been

superfluous love
for a discipline
is so much to
that of
information to a gossiper
******* to a drug addict
a dangerous concoction for a aspiring witch
.

around revolving world
smack in the middle
sits a me
who longs to be out there
revolving around and with that world

:)

Shadows loom in the dark
What were you thinking?
No voice, coughs coughs
Never seems too good
Maybe not that bad either
Mind's such a whirlwind
in the dark
dark
dark
Sometimes, I just wish I could ask,
Penny for your thoughts?

have you ever sat down by the windowsill
and wondered why
the birds could fly so high
when you couldn't?
the insects could make small noises
when you couldn't?

on the day I was born
I wasn't told
I would have just not cried for
the number of things
to come my way
on the day I was born
I was welcomed with happy tears
why the sad tears now
on the day I was born
born the lovely
curious little thing
peeked out of the dark
into the piercing light
only to take a step back now and to cry
on the day I was born
no regrets,
but now 15 years have passed.
on the day I was born,
had I known how these 15 years would turn out,
I would not have cried to
signal the live beating heart.
on the day I was born,
I might as well have died.

So I stared at the mirror
talked to that little girl,
*"Oh where did you go?"

drops the pen
takes the pen
pattern is forming
noooooo

above the lights
they regard what I do
with much curiosity
they don't talk
instead they shine so bright
and regard me with much
positivity
but I sit here in the dark
shrouded in the black
negativity clouded in the black
i silently watch
the lights above
regard me with eyes so dark
And I look back at them
And I see,
even in the dark,
a little twinkle in the dark

let my broken hair cascade across my face,
letting the wind take my place
I let the little hair strands straddle the soft contours of my face
watch them all
dance to the rhythm of the wind
touch the warm air
I sit here,
watching the wind take its place.

Warm brown curtains
The lovely sunlight bathing
The House
ensconcing it
it was beautiful, breathtaking even.
But,
the people inside were up to no good.
And so, there was a father.
who gave everybody else the cold shoulder,
eyes fixated on some steel devices
and only thing he said was hi.
And then, came the mother.
A lovely soul, but
hypocritical words created much misery.
And then, were 2 sisters,
who hung on to each other for dear life.
They loved their parents.
They loved the happy memories.
Oh, where did all that go?

What was wrong?
Oh, what was wrong?

The House
all bleak and broken walls
dimmed lights
china pieces scattered,
hearts shattered
everything was broken.
everything was bleak.
And rain,
came everyday
When will the rainbow come now?

Are we not talking?
All I said
all day and night
is hi and bye?
Why are you so worried?
Why are you only talking to me
when necessity arises?
Why are you so angry with me?
Why, oh why
I don't understand,
yet I cannot put forth my concerns about you
Because all you do, all day and night,
is to sit right there and listen to the news.
Do you not care?
Family doesn't seem family anymore
because
no one
is
talking.

And the gut feeling creeps back again
a startling visitor
especially at this hour
as the day went past,
the pain only increased.
can a person feel more contrite?
i felt that my soul was cut into 2
one in a room
filled with light
but a dark hole awaits
and then the other filled with the dark
and a lingering little flame awaits.
apprehension's bringing me too far
I guess I should stop.

Only for the man who needs a pillow to sleep
Only for the man who is not willing to take two steps out of that line
Only for the man who sticks to his friends
Only for the man who stays away from enemies
Only for the man whose every incident in life has been happy
Only for the man who knows what he knows
Only for the man who does not give a care for a dying person
Only for the man who chooses his words without much bother
Only for the man who dies ever so willingly
Only for the man who sees himself a great person,
yet who is a great fool.

Yes, everything stabbed me in the heart,
gut
core
Everywhere.
It's so ****** painful
I'm not nattering away
No
I will not and
am not
a nuisance who talks tosh.
You killed me.
It killed me.
A bunch of scrawled numbers killed me.
Everything
every ****** thing
is killing me.
Did I not try?
Did I not place my full brain and heart into it?
And why am I getting ready to get my brain chopped off under the falling axe?
Why, oh why
the sullen faces
blood-sworn glares
the rising temperatures in my body
the cold tears
that pierce the very layer of my cheek
What did I do to deserve **** like this?
Came Monday.
Monday blues
with the very lovely scores indeed ?!!
that kicked me out of the list.
Came Tuesday.
Far worse sight.
More numbers.
Numbers determining my barren life
And so will tomorrow come
with much angst
And so do I now cry or die?

it burns low
within the four corners of the little room.
it burnt an entire house down once.
it burnt in my chest when i danced.
and when I blew out the candle,
my hope dwindled.
when I carried the 2 candles,
lighted with fire
into my room,
one blew off.
hitherto the next candle's flame
burns low,
I wait and watch.

Most of the time
I would love to think
that you bring about your own destruction.
Isn't that true?
Actions you exhibit
Words you sing
of good
and bad
Everything leads to something.
Lack of
Or too much
communication
also does that to you.
Everything rebounces
right
back
at
you
and you will then find yourself at the crossroads of your own life,
guard it well,
and so,
farewell.

doors clashing
voices echoing
off walls
right there
yes,there
I realised something is happening.
but I choose not to open my door
to see another door close,
but I must stay calm
and keep my composure
For I know, if words spoken more,
the more it might hurt.
And so I keep quiet
and let the silence accompany me.

Ragged pile of bones
Clawing through the streets
A drop of water, a grain
Show the mercy
Bestow it upon me
Fellow brother, sister
Look down and
see me.
Help me.

I wrote
I wrote
poems of disgust
poems of love
poems of criticism
Has it ever occurred to me
that my words were more than words
that my thoughts were more than thoughts
I see,
a poem works better when you're really confused
writing it.
And this probably why
I'm trying to write the confusion out
Words are being told and written
Tomorrow
words written on a piece of paper
may perhaps, mould my destiny
And I'm more confused than ever
the day before
On whether this is the start
or this is the end
Why the sonnet?
the villanelle?
the ballad?
why, oh why
Some reason why
I saw poets drafting poems
5 drafts before a poem
and I don't why
Simply because am I not writing a poem?
that many people put pens onto their heads
and scratch their chins
Is it not a poem enough that I'm writing this?
Or filled with secrets should it be?
A need for a title?
A space for a little flight off to another world?
Where Time starts with a capital T?
And perhaps, Death too?
Is it not a poem enough that I'm writing this?
Repetition after repetition
Theme
Structure
why the need
if you dare to speak out through your words on paper?

This morning
my head was filled
with so much
hard
pressured
red sizzling lava
and my body
a volcano to explode
to send so many seismic waves and
create an earthquake through my entire
soul.

at the pit of my stomach
deep down
those words
filled with some sort
of betrayal
speculation
stabbed right
there
and I felt
really
really
really bad
and guilty
for everything
I probably shouldn't have done.
Yet the past cannot be erased
Neither can I burn all the memories away
Desperate
to crush them into *****
and throw them right into the fire
burn
burn
burn
let it burn
but my memories are no paper *****.
and they come back
every
now and then
from the back
to the front
a subtle reminder
**you probably shouldn't have done that.

afraid of losing
my touch
so as many know
or may know
over the million of miles that separate us
I am
afraid of losing my touch to you.
Maybe not exactly to you
but losing that touch
to something I've never known.
afraid.

flips through pages and pages
words and words
exclamation marks here
and comma there
at some juncture,
ellipses,
and it was a lovely illustration
of a thousand punctuation marks
and
words
mouth agape,
I wonder
who am I penning the story of
you
or
me ?

Doomsday is coming soon
(DOOMSDAY IS COMING SOON)
Who am I kidding?
Piles of papers
With the onerous reds
Who am i kidding
Who am i kidding
Ready to fail every single exam
Here i come
Doomsday 2013

A llama mama who is ever so special
A swimmer glides through the water with so much grace
Artistically inclines, genius by birth; slacker by choice
Music.Lit.Bio.Lovely girl whom I very much admire
Strong girl who makes use of every opportunity
Another swimmer with heart and face so lovely
An elephant - the light o' every lil' chat
Candy- words so wise; heart so warm
Another brave girl; lots in common; in every way beautiful
Eloquent speaker  And A Violinist
Another swimmer with such a laugh!
Our dear walking dictionary; never fails to put a smile on my face
Runner and fighter ALL THE WAY
Vettypoop aka my spirit animal
Smiling dolphin
Laughing cheerful pop ****
Artyfarty girl with so much poise and grace
Artyfarty and a swimmer? Ooh la la
Cute and sweet and everything else with a tinge of the kpop
Disciplinarian and nice
1Der with a twinned soul
A cutie pie with a such a heart
Strange girl this one is but I love the way she talks and writes.
Strange laughter and even stranger words you say
Motherly touches
My lovely leader, with such a beautiful core
Craycray, stay craycray bubu
Smiler and such a high toned shriek
You my bestie; my listening ear
Ordinary Me
Meangirl99 at first sight, lovelygirl99 at the second
KimChi such a hard-worker
Another hard worker with a positive glow
A dancer on a note of sarcasm
Heart of gold; Mind of snow
Naughty naughty

so this is my class of 36
every girl
a wonderful light
and this 36 beautiful souls
make up the beautiful beautiful class
of
203
With varying teachers and varying situations,
we have stood by each other
With much faith I have in all of you
Let's soar to the skies
Pull each other
to soar
and
soar
and soar
to heights never known
never reached.
I know we are going to make
2013
our year
203's year to
amaze people like never before.
Prove every teacher we are the awesomest class on earth.
Trust me.
We will.
Every strength and weakness binded together;
203 is going to
ROCK THE HOUSE TONIGHT! :)

A little rain
A little sunshine
Out comes a little caterpillar
From a little cocoon
Grows
Sheds
Few Layers of Skin
Butterfly, a lovely one
Flies all over the place
Meets another beautiful butterfly
Mates
Babies
Egg
A little rain
A little sunshine
Out comes a little caterpillar
A lovely gift for their love.

Tears line the rims of
My eyes; drop by drop it goes
Into a little ocean
Beneath me
Infinity beyond
Surrounds me
Drowning in my own depression.

A little glass balancing on a string
Tips to the other side
When a little bit of water gets poured in
To balance, pour the same water out
Things get thrown into the little glass
Sways sways sways
Colouring added in
Tips to the other side
Random pieces of **** added in
Tips to another side
More and more things get poured in,
And the little glass tips
Crashes to the ground
Lays on the floor in
smithereens
Life is fragile
Take care of it
and balance your
life.

To my lovely girl
The ever-so-beautiful wallflower
I love you
And thank you so much for the lovely letter
I think you caught me reading the letter
Over and over again
Cuz' it was like you giving me a piece of your heart
And it felt good to read it
And the extinguished little flame of hope
has lit up again.
Thank you so much.
And I loved the quote you wrote.
It had so much of meaning in it;
I could appreciate its true essence.
Hey wallflower, you're a
beautiful girl
inside and out.
Keep smiling
And I will smile along with you!

When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste:
Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow,
For precious friends hid in death's dateless night,
And weep afresh love's long since cancelled woe,
And moan the expense of many a vanished sight:
Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,
And heavily from woe to woe tell o'er
The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,
Which I new pay as if not paid before.
   But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
   All losses are restor'd and sorrows end.

Little pieces of paper
To threaten the existence
of Little girls

Why know English?
To comprehend a language
That many of us already speak ?

Why learn Math?
In ten years' time,
I don't see myself
doing set theory
or applying circle properties to my occupation
Its' called common sense
And this common sense will lead me to believe
and to perceive whatever I have to do
In ten years' time
At this juncture, I must ask
Is common sense being taught?

Why learn Science?
Yes understanding the world before us
Humanities?
Science and Humanities
Common foes
Threatens each others' existence
One looks at human conditions
The other make theories to "disprove" that human condition
Love is blind, says one.
Love is Everything,
"This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath,
May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet"
The great poet has uttered.

Pieces of paper
With marks scrawled in red
Threatens my very existence
Live your life to the fullest.
Becomes a misleading statement.

And then again,
exams seem like a milestone
And many of us frogs
Which leap from one to another
Drown in the middle
Hop up to another
A never-ending series of jumps
All the way till I'm 22.

Little pieces of paper
To threaten the existence
of Little girls

Stars, stars
they shine so bright
yet so bright in
the dimly-lit sky

Stars, stars
Ever heard of shooting stars?
Well, I think I saw one
And made a wish
And then I saw it go right down

Stars, stars
Thousands and thousands
Millions of millions
collected dust
are called
stars

Dust, dust
Oh whatever happened to your other name
Stars
Thou'st don't shine so brightly anymore
By cause of dead wishes
dead dead dead dust
Then why did thy,
the shooting star,
come right up,
I wished, I wished a little wish
And then you went right d
                                               o
                                                  w
                                                     n
Hopes fell right down
The same way you fell right down


Stars, stars
they shine so bright
yet so bright in
the dimly-lit sky

Are you sure you are shining bright in the sky?

A cage
Trapped within
Is a few thousands
dreams

Slashed on my skin
A few pieces
of the cane
Red sweltering marks
pain
reddening
the red tide rushes out


Let go
Let go

Hundreds of thoughts
Gone
Simply
Gone.
Into the dark night sky,
dreams gone.
words gone.
The body
lies down on the body.
Rush of thoughts
Final emotions
before every
vessel
every beating *****
that gives me the life to live
comes to a
stop and takes
a break.