Ewww
Look at you
You disgusting little girl
Your hair’s a mess
Greasy; pimply; ugly
Teeth not white enough
Eyebrows too thin
Makeup done wrong
Just give up already
Walk to the mirror, tubby
Your thighs too large
Your arms flabby
They say your skinny
Who believes them?
You don’t eat some days
You say you’re not hungry
Plus, it’s too “mainstream”
You love food
That’s your problem
Think back on today *****
You yell at them
You think your life is so hard
You make theirs miserable
Ruin what little happiness they have
Worst sister ever
Why should they ever love you?
You don’t even know what love is!
You think you do
You don’t

You ruined another friendship
You thought you were in love. Ha!
You ruin everything
You’ve ruined yourself
Arms out
Wrists up
Examine the scars
Anger and hurt
Permanently displayed
Scars; burns; signs
The world can see
Just another ******* statistic
You like that, hipster?
Didn’t think so

Oh the labels
Do you want to be classified?
Hipster; depressed; hippie; cutter
How do those even go together?
You confuse people
You don’t even know what you are
What you want
What you want to be
You wear your heart on your sleeve
You dress like a freak
Outrageous clothes
Stupid hair
Trying to make an impression?
Make people remember you?
It’s working
And not in a good way

Are you crying?
Wipe the tears from your eyes, you baby
You cry over everything
The last 48 hours
And yet you smile
You disgust me
You hide it
All too well
Are you faking the tears for attention?
Or are you just plain manipulative?
Manipulative of yourself
Your thoughts; feelings
Disgusting

Oh, stop crying over him!
It’s your fault
Remember?
You broke his heart
Like a twig
The day you broke up with him
You gave up
You quitter
You were scared of his love
Scared of your feelings
They weren’t perfect
So you ran
You’re so messed up
You ruin the good things
The ONLY good things you have
Do you think he’ll want you back?

Then another
He was a great friend
You were scared of him
Of the things that made him him
You cancelled
Again
Lies and blames followed
Mad at each other
You said good bye
And because you’re a stubborn ***
Don’t apologize
Erase him from your memories
Cry over what you had
And lost
You ******* baby

Go “escape”
You dreamer
Escape your reality
Dream big
Then give up
You can’t make it
Isn’t that what you always do?
Blame him; I see
It’s not his fault
You just can’t remember
You have no motivation
No goals
You quit too early
I can’t stand to look at you
You disgust me completely
You’re the leftovers
The flaws no one had room for
ALL wrapped up in you instead
You want to be too many things
Everything you’re not
Can’t just be happy, can you?
You want to be the good girl
Want approval
You want to be the bad girl
Drinking
Smoking
*******
You want to be crazy
Not a care in the world
You want acceptance
You don’t even know
You’re greedy
Jealous
Foolish
You clown
Stop embarrassing yourself
Don’t be proud
It’s not nearly good enough
Stop trying
Maybe one day you’ll get it
We hate you
We all secretly hate
But we hide it because we’re good people
There you go
Just go cry sweetie
Act like everything’s ok
You fake
You poser
You loathful creature
I’d hate to be you
Oh, wait
I am...

I sit in the corner of my room.
Holding my knees; Rocking back and forth.
I feel alone.
I am alone.

I hold the razor in my hand.
Remembering my promise to never do it.
To never see my blood.

But my life crashes around me.
No one understands me.
No one wants to understand me.

I don't want to go on living a lie.
I want to be happy and free.
I will never be free if I start.
I won't be able to stop
I've got to take control over my life
Be strong.

I close my eyes and the monsters surround me
They come at me,Their claws grab at my throat
I'm terrified but have nowhere to run to
No one to run to
No reason to go on

I want to stay here forever
Rotting away with the spiders
The dust covering my brittle lashes

Here, there is no one to judge me
Or tell me to change
I can hurt no one
Not dragging anyone's life down with me in it

I cry out, fearful of what I have become
I want to go back
But the past is too far gone
I sit here alone
Thinking
Making decisions
Until I run out of time

Skipping records; Deja Vu
I just can’t get over you
E’erone says I ought not to
Fall for you tricks again

My heart, by you, ‘s been broke before
My body shaking from the slammed door
Red blood, all mine, spilled on the floor
And will happen again

That silly word that was all mine
When heard it always filled my mind
And my soul with butterflies
Because I heard the passion in your voice

We played this game not long ago
You kissed my head and held me close
You mended me before I broke
From being intoxicated with you

Shaking in this desolit place
Vertical lines streaked down my face
My heart pounding, but I lost the race
The last time I trusted you

Skipping records; Deja Vu
I don’t like the things you do
My beating heart, you rip in two
And I’ll go back to you again

Skipping records; Deja Vu
I just can’t get over you
I hate the fact that I love you
And that will never end

Swimming in a sea of faces
Everyone different
Everyone the same
I look around
Invisible in the crowd
But I stand out
Not at the level of everyone else
Weighed down
By negative thoughts
And my own weight
Too good for these feelings
Yet never good enough
Run now
Run fast to the water's edge

Jump into the river
The murky waters
Cover my scars
Cover my marks
They delude the evils racing through my mind.
I feel lighter
Though I sink into the mud
Maybe it will swallow me
forever
Down to the depths of hell
Where I belong

***** now
Always have been
Forever will be
Climb out slowly now
The breeze chilling you to the bone
The sun warming my skin
Conflicted
Like I've always been


Mud caked between my toes
The physical representation of my ***** soul
and ***** thoughts
***** water down my wrists
Into my hands
Reality, like soap, slipping from my grasp
Reality, the only thing that can change me from myself
Climb from the muck
Like a demon from hell

Their laughter draws you in
Wishing you could just be like them
Stand on the water's edge
Should you jump?
Allow yourself to collapse
Into the clear
Friends
Floating above you
Reaching hands to pull you up
You stay under a little longer

It's nice down here.

A lonely soul; Abandoned young
Deserted by the ones he loved
Passed along; The odd one out
His bed each night, another couch
One single grandfather took him in
The only one that he called kin
He moved in; New kid in town
Soon got tangled with the wrong crowd
Drugs, Parties, Late night fights
*** and *****; Nothing was right
Out of control; The law cracked down
His new home-A lonely cell
Locked up, stripped down; His only friends
Cold floor and bars; Paper and Pen
His body trapped for his wrongs
His heart set free by his own songs
His poems, words, thoughts, and fears
Collected; Written; Throughout the years
When he was out, shared them to her
He took to her as his own mother
Good for so long; He tried so hard
Didn't want to go back behind bars
The drugs and *****; They took their toll
Was so high; Yet falling so low
They said he'd die if he didn't go cold
But his sin had too much a hold
Died in his sleep; Could have been saved
If only he'd lived another day
A beautiful soul; Sadly gone
Leaving a tender heart alone
Elderly soul; Alone at last
Ninety-three; His life's fading fast
His only tie to this cruel world
Was a young boy filled with hurt

The tattoos, piercings, and hideous scars
All that he acquired behind bars
Were on the outside; Nothing more
Than another note added to the score
It's not the parts, but the whole
Not the body; But his beautiful soul

Arms out
Wrists up
See the scars
Burns and cuts
Examine the marks
The world can see
From losing my fight
With the enemy
You joke around
Point at the burns
Laughing only
Makes things worse
Everything temporary
Nothing Permanent
Our hearts set free
Just to get hurt
My soul cries out
I cannot live
Trapped inside
This fragile skin
If it breaks
It be my time
For I am not afraid to die

I feel my life is passing by
Every time I close my eyes
The world around me moves; it changes
My friends and family become strangers
Everything I thought I was
Passes with the setting sun
"Who am I?" I often think
"What am I? Who will I be?"

I change as quickly as the seasons
With little rhyme or reason
And tomorrow I do not know
Where I'll be; where I'll go
They batter me with constant questions
If not pleased, they give suggestions
I try so hard to please them all
Do they build me up to watch me fall?

So much out there to explore
I want to learn it all before
I am old awaiting death
I wanna live while I still have breath
A doctor? Singer? Or a writer?
National Geographic Photographer?
Too many options not enough time
College will make me lose my mind

There's only one thing I want to be and do
And that's be me and love on YOU

You tell me this is your last goodbye
And the tears begin to fill my eyes
The pen and paper, your only escape
From the dark world you encounter every day
You tell me about the things you do
And although I know not what you go through
It breaks my heart, and I die inside
Is this the only way that you survive?
I make you promises foolishly
And when I lay my head to sleep
Its YOU who haunts my thoughts and dreams
My ruined pillow soaked with tears
My heart racing with new fears
But not for me, for YOU my friend
The one who’s life should not yet end
My soul is screaming, hurting, crying
For the one that’s slowly dying
Too many dreams for us as friends
I’m not ready for this to end
How often do I say I love you?
You say you know, but I don’t think you do
You’re the one who’s made life bright
The northern star shining in the night
The rare beauty in a field of dirt
But also the one who’s been hurt


I think back to that rainy day
I played guitar and sat and sang
You smiled at me from over there
But inside was brimming with despair
I didn’t know the thoughts on your mind
I couldn’t make it better that time
But here, you’ve taken over my life
You’re in my thoughts from day to night
I wish there was something I could do
To make the whole world love you
To the one who makes life better
Here is your own love letter


This here is my final battle cry
For you alone, I’d give up my life
Don’t underestimate my love’s power
I cry for you this very hour
If you leave, I’ll miss you when you’re gone
PLEASE…don’t leave me here alone….

There are monsters within me
And I would never tell
But they have been sent here
from the depths of hell
We have them inside
Though we won't admit it
We each keep it as
A personal secret
We hide them deep down
We won't let them show
But they rage and run lose
Once we let them go

Slowly I've done it
I've let down my guard
Now they're out to get me
And to me cause harm
They taunt and they torment
In every which way
They laugh at the things
That I do and I say

They tell me to hate
And I want to agree
Even though it is love
That comes easily for me
I think about blood
Others or mine
Darkness and anger
Are what fill my mind

They lurk in the shadows
I can't get away
Not even in
The brightness of day
I fear for myself
And what I become
I wont like myself
When all this is done
I cry out each night
Feeling alone
Wishing that all of this pain
Could be done
But you see me happy
I seem normal to you
Cuz it's the smile on my face
That disguises the truth

They say that monsters
Hide in your closet
But the scariest ones
Are the ones found inside us

It's so easy to be an angry, emotional child
Dark thoughts filled inside you, running wild
Hating the world, hating yourself
Pushing good memories to the back of the shelf
Want to sink in the mud, and hide your face away
From the worried looks they give you every day
Some call you strong for surviving this long
But I think they might all be singing the wrong song
Anyone can sit there and be double sided
Be depressed in the dark, and in the light hide it
But the ones who are strongest are the ones who fight
Who refuse the demons, by day or by night
Our moods come and go, but they don't define us
It's more than just what we show to outsiders.

I’m cold
I want to sit and cuddle with you
I’m tired
I want to sleep on your shoulder
I’m scared
I want your arms to protect me
I’m hurt
I want your love to comfort me
I’m happy
I want to share my joy with you
But I’m happy
It’s probably because of you
I’m sad
I want you to dry my tears
I’m bored
I want you to make life fun
I’m angry
I want you to be rational and take control
I feel alone
I want you by my side
I feel unloved
Your kiss tells me otherwise

There it is again
That face; Those eyes; That smile; Those teeth
It shows up in my dreams
It follows and watches me
It will pop out at any moment

There it is again
That laugh
The one that haunts me
It sounds like a witch concocting her poison
It makes its presence known when I make a mistake
That hideous cackle
I think it laughs at my pain...and my fright

There it is again
Those hands
The ones that grab me and hold me back
The ones that pull my hair,
Caress my face like a toy
Those hands with scars and bruises
Cuts and blood cover them
The hands that hold the knife
I fear my blood is next

There it is again
It never leaves me
It haunts me in my sleep
It haunts me in the day
It loves to see me in pain
I cannot get away

There it is again
It will never leave

She does it to him, he does it to her
It was obvious they would both end up hurt
She hates the things that he does
He doesn't realize what she gives up
Constantly worrying; Never trusting; It always ends in pain
Messing with each other's head, like it's some sort of game
He tells me that he wants to die,
She sits in her room and cries
But neither one is strong enough
Neither one has the guts
To do the thing that hurts the most
But in the end, will be best for both.
They drag us in, make us choose sides
And secretly we try to hide
We don't want to get involved
We've seen the pain that we've caused
Stand up, grow up, get some *****
Tell her you're through with it all
Tell him you're done with his lies
And all the things he tries to hide
You can't hurt yourself to save that one
Your time together will soon be done
You can't always make it work
Sometimes you just end up hurt

Broken; Crashed
On the floor
My broken heart's
Been here before
A vicious cycle
Once Again
My heart crying
From so called friends
Like stepping stones
I'm the bridge between
Who they are
And what they seek
Here today
And gone tomorrow
My heart filled
With wretched sorrow
Broken glass
Spread on the floor
Let me roll
Around some more
For that hurts less
Than what you do
When you break
My heart in two

I thought we now
Just might be friends
But hope soon came crashing
To an end
You can find yourself
Some other honey
There's more to me
Than my body
I'm sick of the words
"I'm sorry. You're right."
Uttered from me
When we fight
Because I know for one
That you're wrong
And we've both known it
All along
I hate that look
You give me
When the tears are trailing
Down my cheeks
You want to help
But I'm sorry; You can't
Too much pain you've caused
In my past
I say three silly
Words to you
And most days you say
I love you too
But the only thing
That I should do
Is force myself
To get over you
We get so close
I fall again
But then you want
To meet my friend
You yell at me
I take it in
Why ruin it all?
I let you win
But we don't see things
Eye to eye
And that's where things begin
To go awry

Call me push over
I'm such a softy
I let people
Walk all over me
I love you so much
How can I not
Give you everything
I've got?
And that includes
My heart too
For I've given it
To all of you
Broken; Crashed
Here once more
How many times?
Tears on the floor
If I don't want to
Be here again
I should just give up
And not have friends.

I’m sorry for all I’ve done to you
And everything I’ve said
But I guessed I never realized I
Was messing with your head

So many lies, so many tears
So many wounds were made
From a person who was so loving
But has now been turned to hate

We met back in November
Both were speechless that first night
In our hearts, we both knew
It was “like at first sight”

But my parents didn’t like you
So we snuck around their rules
Then one day they ‘caught me’
And I felt like a fool.

It was months before we’d talk again
And months before I’d know
That my heart was feeling restless
And the signs began to show

You told me that you liked me,
Every single day
I was nervous, and was scared
And I never knew what to say

It’s been like this for months now
Our hearts nowhere near the same
I quickly became tired
Of this messed up little game

Last night I told you how I felt,
Or rather, how I did not
But I wasn’t really expecting
The reaction that I got

I’m sorry for hurting you but can you say it’s all my fault?
You know as well as I do
We can’t control our hearts

I’m sorry for how things went down
But I don’t regret the decision that I made
I didn’t want to lose you
But I guess we’ll go our separate ways

Burned matches lay down next to you
The razor now in your hand
Your body is so shaky
That you can hardly stand
Your mind races with the memories
Of all that happened that day
You know that to now do this
Would be a big mistake
Bad habits; Things repeated
These patterns never die
You stand tall for the world
As the hurt fills you inside
You said you'd gotten over it
And you were or so we thought
But little did we know
The internal battle that you fought
You said you were disgusting
And that no one could want you
You thought that you were ugly
But it's us that know the truth
Drop the blade from your hands
Don't go back to those evil ways
It's the love of those around you
That will give you strength
Stand up tall and smile, girl
Show the world that you're a star
We know you're extra special
Because we can see the scars

I look up and look at you,
out of the corner of my eyes.
Its easy just to watch you
and let the time fly by.
As I sit and watch you,
I think about the past.
I think about the thing we had,
and how I thought that it would last.
I thought that I was special
and meant so much to you.
Although you said you liked me,
your actions told the truth.
I gave you my something special,
and then you broke my heart.
Who knew that a boy like you,
would rip my world apart?
I regret giving up on you.
I guess I’ll always want you again.
Because your face always haunts me
when it pops up in my head.
So I sit her in class,
and watch everything you do.
I don’t think you’ll ever understand
how much I love you.

Out there; searching
Looking; breathing
But not for you
Breathing; yearning
For something bigger
The light. The Truth
It's been too long
Dear old friend
I need you back here again
Life is dry
The fish need water
Breathing but no oxygen
It was a whole season
I forced the void closed
But my face hit the dirt
I am a dreamer
Thought this would last forever
But "forever" always hurts
Running faster now
For my life
My past comes and haunts me
This time
It shall not win
For I am no longer empty
I feel things filling
Pressure building
I soon shall explode
Overwhelming
Everlasting
Forever changed by your love

I see you.
You sit there
I watch you shake your leg
It’s always been your habit
I think about how it used to bother me
It doesn’t anymore
Nothing about you bothers me anymore

I see you.
I see you working
Doing what you’re supposed to
I’m not. I’m watching you
Like you used to watch me
You thought I never knew
Silly boy

I see you
I see you smile at what you’re doing
I remember making you smile
Sometimes I still do
And if I’m lucky, you’ll laugh
Oh, your laugh.
The way you throw your head back and your eyes light up
It makes me smile when I hear it
It makes me smile when I think about it

I see you
I see you look up and look at me
I quickly look away
You laugh silently and turn back to your work

I see you
I close my eyes and you are there
I think back on all the good times we had… and still do
I think of the things you sacrificed for me
I think of the things I sacrificed for you
I think of all the things we lost because of foolish decisions we made… together
I think back to our first kiss
The first time I had ever kissed anyone… and I chose you
It was so perfect. So right

I open my eyes and look at you
I follow the outline of your lips
I want them now
I loved the way they kissed my forehead, our last time together
I miss it
I miss you.
Every time I say I love you, I mean it with every fiber of my being
But you don’t know
And you never will.
Even so, I love you.