seeing you
makes me
miss you
more.

i wish you saw the
beauty
the world sees within
you

you are like the ocean
full of countless
mysteries
and emotions that soar high
like tidal waves

yet your tranquility
can calm
any
storm
even the one within
me

too scared to see you now,
sensitive in crowds,
lonely when I say don't come around.
loved you,

though my face,
held a frown.
hated when you turned it
upside down.

But I loved you,
now i wish i'd come around.

People change
everyday
so I promise to
love you
every time the sun
rises

every night i softly cry
as i eat an apple, i’ll hope to die
you've left me here, hurting and alone
im waiting for you, but it feels rushed
my bleeding heart slips from my grasp
i run to catch it
but only you can break its fall
and as it hits, I slowly crawl
to you.

and as it happens again,
I think to myself
how effortlessly you charm,
but talent lays in how you harm.
you leave behind scars,
hiding behind your mask,
from the conditions
you had no say in.

but this time
it’s final.
so i’ll continue to  
distract myself
drugs between classes
****** favors to feel something.

because i’m not the person
everyone thinks i am.
and neither were you.
and i think we fooled ourselves
thinking
we could be friends.

because we hurt each other
and apologize
and do it again.
we’re kids who’ve been dealt the ******* hands
and i cope by hurting others.

so ill go back to my drugs instead
and the ******* i promised in an hour
to be able to distract myself from the fact that i
******* hate you
but i hate myself more
because i know i’ll always love you.

and do anything to change it.

i tell myself lies everyday
to make me feel normal.
but as i slowly start to work through my problems
and maybe grow up,
i begin to realize
that
life is not fair
but  i have no right
taking it out on the people that make this world
a better place.

you’ve had some pretty ******* terrible experiences
but you’re amazing nonetheless
so i promise
to work harder
to make this worth it
make me worth it
and make you love me.

I need you to know
That life keeps going
People get so caught up in insignificant things
They miss the details that matter
Like how your smile lights up the room

I need you to know that our hearts beat for a reason
That no one has ever had to listen
That the world is changing every single day
Because of your brilliance

I need you to know
That people are  kind
But hate what they know they can be but are not
That life can **** happiness
But certain things can bring it back
Like you brought the light back into my life

I need you to know
That life is short and we all die
And life is like an orchestra
Serenading you to loss
But never forget that the music left behind is unforgettable
Like your melodic laughter

I need you to know
That you deserve the world
And so much more  then I can ever give you
That there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you
That I’m always just a phone call away

But most of all,
I want you to know
That there is nothing you can do
And nobody that you can be that
I wouldn’t be proud to say
“That’s my big sister.”

Life is for the
living
and you,
my dear,
are very much
alive.

You move through your
days with
music
of your
own.
At times,
you sway to a slow rhythm,
dancing
gently.
At times, you dance
to  the beating of
a
heavy heart.

Always humming
a new song
everyday,
there are no replays.
You always yearn for
more.

You extend your
roots
in the way of
growth.
You are fire to
flames.
Your spark glows
in the face of the
universe.

You are a constellation,
a star full of
stars,
your body full of
light.
I find warmth and comfort
within.

Always unafraid of the lack of
bodies
around you,
you are content on your own
unlike many others.
Your heat comes from your
soul.

You are a
force of nature,
an unstoppable
wave,
I’ve forgotten what it’s like
to not have you
in my life.

Might suffice trying to trap
you,
and if lucky,
she’ll dance and spin
around your
finger
but you can’t wrap her
around
your cracked skin.
————————————————
You come to her with
no love,
oh love you
in the deep end.

You are the water she
dips her toes in,
a poised serpent.

Only come with good intentions
because once she
steps down
to
you,
and you feel her
skin
flow into your
mind,
you will be left,
rubbing your eyes,
trying to get her out of your
vision,
like chlorine;
it will sting
and burn
a little.

She  is one of a kind,
a mind of
a million minds,
confined into a diamond.

Elegance,
class,
a crowned queen,
she only moves with the
grace
of a thousand
wonders.

She is magnificence
personified
and if you ever think you’ve
escaped her,
then you’ve
lost.

i saw you today.

so i sat,
took a deep breath,

and smiled.

the only reason
i am able to see
the
beauty
in this
horrifying
world,

in the heaviest
pains
the aching
times,

is because i know
i am always surrounded by
your
overflowing
abundant
love.

and i hope you know
that
nothing
can
stop me from caring
about
you

because my love
for you
goes past
infinite.

I don't love you
In the simplistic way

I love you
in a silent way
That never raises its voice

I love you
in the depths of the shadows

With deep chaotic sighs
And tears
In longing

Sometimes missing cries
In ways unknown

I love you
in the deep calm of the night
When I’m scared

And in the storm during day
When I’m okay

I love you
In the uncertainty
Of forever

A painful tear
leaks from my eye,
It screams a
terrible sound,
A sound so loud but
unheard from all,
It flows down
my cheek and seeps
into the ground,
Help him
I cry
He wants to
Did

But I carry on watching
Through the window
As no one
Stops him
And with an
Ear piercing scream
I wake up

And realize
My dream
Was
Reality

I’ll fade from your memory,
like weightless
sunflower seeds
stolen
by a breeze
a gust
of jealous wind.

And the next time you see me,
I will be just another stranger
swimming
in a rough sea
of unfamiliar faces.

She was flawed, completely;
but not in the way she thought

She was flawed in the way an artist ruins
a white canvas with
a beautifully painted
sunrise

you are damaged
in the beautiful way that
the night sky
is broken by the dawn

i could make you out
with the most
graceful words
and vibrant colors
and yet

they wouldn't do half the job

You’re always there to make things better
You know exactly what to say
And what to do
To make things seem like maybe,
just Maybe,

things will be alright.

And I promise you,
I will never take you for granted.

If you could read my mind,
You’d see endless
broken stories
Prose
Full of melancholy verses
With tragic pieces

Of unfinished stories
Stories that haven’t had a chance to begin

If you could read my mind,
You’d hear the terrifying screams
And heartbreaking whimpers
From dreams that never stood a chance.

Full of
bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.

If you could read my mind,
You’d see what haunts me everyday
Things I’ll never be able to escape;

If you could read my mind,
You’d drown in the tears
I never let escape.

If you could read my mind,
You would understand my heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a person
Lost and never to be found

If you could read my mind,
You’d watch a movie
Read a book
You never wanted to see or read or experience or know.

But if you could read my mind,
you would see the happiness and joy
that fills my thoughts
when I think of you

If you could read my mind,
you would see the fairytale I’m drawn to
Where all’s well that ends well
Because you’re in my life

If you could read my mind
You’d be able to see how much you mean to me

If you could read my mind,
You would see the beauty that I see
in your darkest days
and your bravery
lying beneath the fear

If you could read my mind
You would see the girl
Who’s changing the world
every day

You would see yourself
How the world views you

Full of grace, power, charm, wisdom.

You would finally understand that you’re irreplaceable and important and cherished and loved.

Tonight

As I cry for what once was ours
And what we can’t go back to

As I gaze into
the stars lighting the vast darkness

As I look up at the magnificent sky
illuminated by the moon

I search the stars
Until I find the one

And make a wish
But tonight is different

Tonight, I wish that
Love will find you

Tonight, I wish that
Happiness finds you

Tonight, I wish that
You enjoy life

Last night
We fought again

I’m not sure how it started this time,
Or who raised their voice first.

All I know is that
You’re leaving me with bruises
Too often for them to
Fade

They sting when you touch them
And I bleed

You used to apologize.
You clean me up,
Make me feel better.

But not anymore.
You just hurt me
Again
and Again
and Again.

And I think I deserve it now.
But I don’t understand it.
It hurts and the bruises are constant reminders.

Bruises take time to heal.
And so does all the pain you’ve caused me.
I can’t answer you now.
But by the time the bruises disappear,
I won’t be hurt anymore.

Because I’ll learn to accept it.
Today we had a fight
And I’m hurting
But I’ll just keep my mouth shut,
Because I love you.

We are the ones who can be
hard to understand
We'll be the last ones in the
movie theater
because the ending scene made us
cry
We'll stop to smell the sunflowers
because they deserve to be
appreciated
We are the ones who call you at night
to help you work through whatever’s keeping you up
We are the ones who will imagine
an entire future of adventures
with the people who show us
love

We are the ones who will
love you more
than we love
ourselves sometimes
We will give you our
best
in hopes that we can
make things better
We want to see you become
the best version of yourself
to make sure that
you always feel our love
We crave
affection and appreciation
We give a piece of ourselves away
every day
sometimes to people who
don't deserve it
Our love is easy to take
advantage of
and sometimes we don't get back
the love that we
give away

When we hurt,
we crumble and fall apart
We constantly have to put ourselves
back together
We are more fragile than
we like to admit
We carry our emotions on our
sleeves
Our flaws have the
ability to consume us
We aren't afraid to give you the
world
but we are afraid to
feel unloved
We want you to see
what we see
We want you to understand
where we're coming from

We are good people with
good intentions
We are stronger than we
seem
Not everyone can feel the way we
feel
We feel too much,
too often
We are not hard to
love
We are something not everyone knows
how to love
But you need to remember that
your worth
does not change just because
no one is there to appreciate you, to remind you

You are not any less
lovable
You are the
most
lovable person in the world
You are a light that the
world needs
Your kindness is
not your weakness
You do not need to
change for anyone's acceptance
You do not need to
stop giving love
just because you
don't get it back
Your heart is the
best
thing about you

And one day
when you least expect it
someone will notice you
from across the room
and know
exactly
how to love you
They will think
all of these things are
beautiful
They will deserve the love
you can give
They will fill the empty space
in your heart
But for now,
don't stop feeling
We are the ones who feel everything

so deeply
We are the ones who can't give up because
We are the ones who will teach the world
how to love

You are exactly who you are supposed to
be.

Everyday misleading
and fallacious reality
fabricated by
the erroneous

veracity that
forever is just never
created to spark a false
sense of hope

but forever is
unsympathetic and lifeless
created to enter
the madness of the mind

with no direction to be known
where nothing comes
nothing goes
you just sit
empty
alone

but in the midst of this never ending
nightmare,

i caught a
smile
of you
replaying
existing
in my mind

it was my first memory
my last memory
of
you

and it replayed
over
and over

like it was happening
right in front of me
just like the first time

and everything was okay again
just for a minute
because your smile
told me we would
survive

and the kiss
on my forehead
and you knew
i would be okay

because life
was pure

and my soul
seasons became one

and the clouds
were gone
and you were everything
in my eyes.

and love was old
and beautiful
and new
and forever
and lies

and my soul was sky
gone with you
because the clouds
reappeared
at night

and it was easy to see
everything in me
was all you

but then you were gone
and so i sit and wait
and wait
and wait

but forever comes never
because love lies
and every trace of you
was gone.

but your smile
playing over and over
in my mind

interrupting the never-ending madness
in my mind.

so I will continue to wait
and wait
and wait.

For months i would remember the rooms-
lit by the love left behind,
dimmed with the love we lost
with an ambiguity that comforted us:
i use it to hide
my despondency and hopelessness

So for months, routinely, I remembered: 

rooms where friends lingered,
rooms with our laughter echoing off the walls
with our sadness,
rooms with the screams, always haunting us
hidden from the love you emanated

I remembered your smile that lit up the darkening room
the storm approaching rapidly,
branches falling,
foreshadowing the inevitable

the rooms in which we came together
to escape the nightmares of our mind,
I remembered our last night

But tonight—as I stand and remember,
and try not to be drawn in,
I remember,

to throw my arms around your neck,
I would have to stand on the tip of my toes.

I remember that you were proud.

And as I remember the distinctive beauty
from the intrinsic knowledge that

the moment is fleeting

I realize that
the pain runs so deep
because your magnificence ran
deeper

and had it not touched us
we would not know the desolation
of its loss,

our grief never would have
turned to thankfulness that
it ever touched us at all and
we would be left awestruck
by the enigma of its torment

But for now, I’ll scream
and scream
and scream

And when I wake up,
I’ll be with  you again.

You can't keep comparing yourself to
unbroken
people

because when you shattered,

you set the world ablaze

you created the new definition of magnificence.

I want you to love yourself
Endlessly
Unconditionally
Thoroughly
and
Wholly.

I want you to find peace
In the small things
and in the
World around you
No matter how conflicting
It may be.

I want you to survive
Like many others
Before you
Like many know
You’re capable of.

You are born to be a
Role model
A leader.
Battle until your skin
Is evidenced with battle scars
By then,
the world will be
Yours.

Fall in love with your
inner universe
the way your heart beats
Rhythmically
like a melody
in the Dark
Perplexing
but always
Victorious

The rivers of
Pure gold
Run through your veins
Humming through every inch
of your delicate
Impeccable body

Fall in love with being alive
Fall in love with being you
because there is power
in your
Perspective.

Know the world is yours.

Fall in love with living
Your life will not be defined
By those  who have not lived it
By those who do not know the depth of the honor
that comes with knowing
You.

And on days where you forget how to love,
Go outside
Watch the sunflowers
Facing the sun,
How the rain  trickles
down your body.
Let it nourish you,
help you
Thrive.

Watch how the sun
Kisses your cheekbones
Down your neck
whispering into your collarbone
and into your skin.
Absorb the light
And then become it.

Never become another mans
world.
You were born with fire and ice inside of
you.
Never let him tame the
flames
Instead,
let them burn
hotter,
brighter.

You are the daughter of the sun.
Radiate and shine
Extend your rays to those who
Deserve it
Let them spread,
disperse into a source of energy.

And if he’s not blinded by the
light,
by the sharp glow of your
skin,
then let him in.
Maybe he’ll be the
one.

Or maybe he’ll be a lesson.
Just know that with
or without him,
you will grow.
Thrive.
Flourish.
Succeed.

And on days that feel
pointless,
worthless,

There will be sunrises that save you
Sunsets that remind you
It will end beautifully.

you are the
sun,
and I the
moon.

opposites,
day and night,

yet the same
celestial glow
emanates within us.

our happiness lights
the sky
both day and night,

and though we
are not always
together,
we meet in harmony

at the
eclipse.

There is art
In your heart
Painting the world
With your beauty

There are songs in your eyes
Singing lullabies
Filled with love and memories
Unreplacble

There is a poem
On the tip of your tongue
Words that keep me going
Love

You are tortured
But all things magnificent
My lovely sister
It’s the loudest
When you won't talk