I need you to know
That life keeps going
People get so caught up in insignificant things
They miss the details that matter
Like how your smile lights up the room

I need you to know that our hearts beat for a reason
That no one has ever had to listen
That the world is changing every single day
Because of your brilliance

I need you to know
That people are  kind
But hate what they know they can be but are not
That life can **** happiness
But certain things can bring it back
Like you brought the light back into my life

I need you to know
That life is short and we all die
And life is like an orchestra
Serenading you to loss
But never forget that the music left behind is unforgettable
Like your melodic laughter

I need you to know
That you deserve the world
And so much more  then I can ever give you
That there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you
That I’m always just a phone call away

But most of all,
I want you to know
That there is nothing you can do
And nobody that you can be that
I wouldn’t be proud to say
“That’s my big sister.”

i saw you today.

so i sat,
took a deep breath,

and smiled.

Everyday misleading
and fallacious reality
fabricated by
the erroneous

veracity that
forever is just never
created to spark a false
sense of hope

but forever is
unsympathetic and lifeless
created to enter
the madness of the mind

with no direction to be known
where nothing comes
nothing goes
you just sit
empty
alone

but in the midst of this never ending
nightmare,

i caught a
smile
of you
replaying
existing
in my mind

it was my first memory
my last memory
of
you

and it replayed
over
and over

like it was happening
right in front of me
just like the first time

and everything was okay again
just for a minute
because your smile
told me we would
survive

and the kiss
on my forehead
and you knew
i would be okay

because life
was pure

and my soul
seasons became one

and the clouds
were gone
and you were everything
in my eyes.

and love was old
and beautiful
and new
and forever
and lies

and my soul was sky
gone with you
because the clouds
reappeared
at night

and it was easy to see
everything in me
was all you

but then you were gone
and so i sit and wait
and wait
and wait

but forever comes never
because love lies
and every trace of you
was gone.

but your smile
playing over and over
in my mind

interrupting the never-ending madness
in my mind.

so I will continue to wait
and wait
and wait.

For months i would remember the rooms-
lit by the love left behind,
dimmed with the love we lost
with an ambiguity that comforted us:
i use it to hide
my despondency and hopelessness

So for months, routinely, I remembered: 

rooms where friends lingered,
rooms with our laughter echoing off the walls
with our sadness,
rooms with the screams, always haunting us
hidden from the love you emanated

I remembered your smile that lit up the darkening room
the storm approaching rapidly,
branches falling,
foreshadowing the inevitable

the rooms in which we came together
to escape the nightmares of our mind,
I remembered our last night

But tonight—as I stand and remember,
and try not to be drawn in,
I remember,

to throw my arms around your neck,
I would have to stand on the tip of my toes.

I remember that you were proud.

And as I remember the distinctive beauty
from the intrinsic knowledge that

the moment is fleeting

I realize that
the pain runs so deep
because your magnificence ran
deeper

and had it not touched us
we would not know the desolation
of its loss,

our grief never would have
turned to thankfulness that
it ever touched us at all and
we would be left awestruck
by the enigma of its torment

But for now, I’ll scream
and scream
and scream

And when I wake up,
I’ll be with  you again.