when I met you
days became brighter
nights became easier
I became a new kind of happy.

when I met you
black became white
dark became light
I became hopeful.

when I met you
everything changed.

your razor sharp edges
are cutting my insides.
you never listen to a word
that comes out of my mouth.
you always go with
your own instinct,
and never give a **** about
what anyone around you thinks.

they describe betrayal as
a knife in your back
so why does it feel like
it's going straight through
my heart?

I’ve been dreaming about you lately.
sometimes they're daydreams about
you and I
living together
in a small house with
kids of our own, learning
how to live a full life.
happy.
I'm finally happy, clean.
no more cuts, no more burns.
no more thoughts of ending it all.
 
some dreams are
strange;
dreams of you slitting your own throat, telling me you
want to die.
I can’t stop you because I
understand your pain;
a wanting to feel
nothing.
and I just let you cut
deeper,
watching blood escape your
broken veins.
 
some dreams are
terrifying;
dreams of you driving to my house in the middle of the night, your
reckless driving causing you to
crash.
hours later, as we're all searching for you, I find your
body, cold and weary, lying on the
street.
no last words, no goodbye kiss.
 
but there's one dream in particular,
the scariest of them all.
no blood, no guts, no death;
we haven't seen each other in awhile, so
things get heated pretty fast.
we're alone.
hugs turn to
kisses and kisses turn to
touches  and needless to say,
clothes come off.
you're bewildered by what you see:
cuts everywhere.
my arms and thighs are laced in
rows of red.
new wounds, old scars,
everywhere.
I've hid them from you for
so long. and you told me
you were an understanding guy, but you've never
seen me so
vulnerable, so weak.
all walls have been
broken down.
things don't go well from here on out.
speechless, you don’t say a word, but you don't need words to
express your disgust,
I can see it in your eyes.
who wants to love a sad girl?
who wants to **** a freak?
the hardest part is watching the
pain flicker in your eyes.
"I'm better, I promise."
you never believed it, but you wanted to.
you wanted to have a normal girlfriend, believe me, I know.
 
although there's nothing gory about the dream, it's
scary as hell.
it could happen.
one day you could see my
scars and you could run.
just like everyone else.
please don’t be like them.
*please.

every night I
try to dream of
happy things-
things like being with you.
but those dreams haunt me,
for they will never come true.

I don't exist anymore
I'm a shadow
within your eyes. I am
only black dust and
oil on the ground and
dead insects on the windshield.

and he loves her like he can never
grab enough of her between his
fingers. and no matter how close he
gets, it never feels close enough.

it's 12:31 and there's
nothing I crave more
than daisies in my hair,
a coffee in my hand,
and you.

let yourself in through my
open wounds
I'll shelter your
crooked frame and
I'll nurture your
crumbling heart