You whispered sweet nothings
In my ear
For two years
I didn't know they were nothings
Until you left
Because for so long,
They were everything

I meditated on the idea
Of us seeing other people
A boy who will touch me
With fingers like barbed wire
A girl with a shy smile
Who is a thousand times easier to love
And I hate her with a passionate rage
Why can't I be like her
That *****

From where I stand I wonder if there is a better option at all
Sitting here wishing we were 17
When we could blame our age or our experience or the drugs, man when now we can't even look at each other
You didn't peel back your skin and show me how your blood flows because I didn't ask you to
You never told me you would never leave me because I didn't want to know
You never promised forever because we agreed
That forever is a concept humans created
To comfort themselves from the inevitability of death, and decay
Silently i promised you forever
Because for me forever is a moment that you can't get back,
Forever is knowing that what you have now is all you'll ever have,
As far as we are concerned
Forever is inside me,
Forever is not a promise, it's a warning

he is nothing compared to what you are to me
and you are nothing compared to him

I am not you
I cannot ignore so thoroughly
I cannot treat those who love me
As if they are nothing
I cannot glaze my eyes over
Whenever they speak.

I am not you.
I used to be part of a unit
But now I am myself.
And that was never enough for you
So why is it now?

last night was horrible
a great big mess
my mind was foggy,
but not foggy enough
to forget the drunk girl
on the floor
not foggy enough
to forget your words to me
and how they made me believe
that everything would be fixed

i needed it all to freeze
right at that moment
so then i would remember
to show you
just how much you mean to me.

eternally unsatisfied
picking out all the things that you are not
when you're already so much more than i deserve

generally all i think about
is running away
and you
but even though
you
are the only reason
i can think of
to keep me here
when i look happy
it's usually because i'm imagining
someplace else

Love
Every second
Of wild
Insanity

when hearts speak softly,
listen

you asked me out on a wednesday in may
early in the morning last spring
and i didn't want
to find bliss in your arms
or fantasize about your lips on mine
nearly a year later
but life isn't always right turns
or pass-fail classes
i know this because sometimes i get so mad at you
i can't get rid of my scowl for days
and then i miss you so much that my stomach aches
but the next thing i know
we're sprinting through fields at midnight
screaming our lungs out
forgetting all the left turns

My first time
Wasn't as important
As the first time
I laid in your arms
And thought I might
Be able to keep you

you asked me why
i stopped telling you i love you
but the girl who loved you
is busy screaming out the window
in the city in the middle of the night

i don't love you
and i'm not sure if i ever did

and i suppose our words are nothing special
spoken at cafés and in the dead of night
in run-on sentences
whispered while others speak
and shouted when they are quiet
always meaning something more
or less
than what is really being said
we will not remember these words
for they are nothing special
but for now, they are everything.

I'm losing myself
And I'm happy about it

have you ever been
carried by the wind
you run
and your toes lift off the ground
just a bit easier
and your hair flies up and around,
goddess like
your breath coming easier
and giving you new life
as the breeze caresses every part of you
an assuring pressure against your back
that tells you
it's okay to go where i take you
and you shouldn't blame yourself
for where you end up

i want your words
today
tomorrow
forever

i want your lips pressed against
my cheeks
my lips
my neck

i need you everywhere
to make me smile
to make me feel
to make me forget

Of all the things you said to me
I never thought I love you
Would hurt the most

Was a hurricane every single day
In every breath and every moment
Was
Was
Was
**** it,
It still is

It hurts like getting hit by a freight train
When I kiss you
And I feel hopelessly in love
But when I talk to you
My lover is nowhere to be found

x--try to be kind
x--try to understand
x--remember why you love him

I've always been ******* drowning
And you held my head above water
But you didn't bring me to land

i want to want my life to be calm, and quiet

i can't show you my poems
because that's like cutting my wrists
and having to show you
through the pain
how the blood flows
in my veins

Sometimes I have nightmares
Where everyone I've ever cared about
Leaves me
When I wake up,
I realize
Nightmares can be real

I always thought you were beautiful
So I tried to mimic the lines
Of your body
On my body
Now I'm only bleeding

I lost the moon
When I was looking for stars
That's okay
Because you did too

Now we both need to start
Looking for the sun instead
Sadly, we won't look at each other

Today a fourteen year old asked me
Why it was different
When I had a boyfriend,
Compared to her
What made my love more real?
I looked at her quizzically,
Trying to explain
That she hasn't yet felt
White hot passion
Dark, lustful desire
She hasn't been in a wild free fall
For nearly two years
So I just shrugged
And said
"When you have what I have
You'll know.
Oh, you'll know"
"How?" she asks
Sighing, I replied,
"You'll look in the mirror
And all you'll see
Is where he touched you last"

I wanted so badly to be with you
That I dropped down to your level
& the view is beautiful
From underneath the waves

You knew me
You knew how I looked
When I'm tired, when I'm sad
You knew how my body sounded
At all hours of the day
You knew every face, every facet
That I tried to hide
You knew me
And you left

simple ******

what hurts the most
isn't the fact that
you didn't say
"it's okay"
for the first time
when i apologized
or that you thought
i was ending it
it was
that i know you still
go to sleep
not knowing
how much i love you

don't let it get to you
don't think about his hands
on your waist
and how the summer was too short
and that you wasted it
worrying about people who don't matter
and that you should have met him earlier
or about how you betrayed the one person
who trusted you
completely
don't think about how a year ago
everything was completely different
and you're not sure whether that's a good thing
don't think about how it's all your fault
that you've messed up these four years
don't let it get to you

Living in a world where I want boys
To want me
But they only want to **** me
The one who doesn't just want to **** me
Wants all of me
I can't give him all of me
Every twisted thought and emotion
Because then I fear he won't want me
At all
So I have no one

You knew it was ****** up
To show up here,
The only place I can go to forget
It's like you don't want me to
And if you don't want me to forget,
Then you never wanted it to end
And if that's true
Then why are we
On separate sides of the table
Both lonely?