I stand in the middle of a
Crowded Ballet Studio as you
Pull me, push me, shape me
Into what you
Wish I was.
Pulling my hair out of its
Roots until there’s nothing left
Nothing left of me.

I’m clenching my teeth, my fingernails digging
Digging into my palms.
I’m going to dance, run, write,
Scream
Away from you like
Thunderstorms in Santa Fe.
Sudden, unexpected, unstoppable:
That’s me.

How do I stop my mind from wandering?
Your face imprinted in my memory.
How do I stop my speech from faltering?
You make me nervous when you I see.
I know we are over, but I cannot
Let go. I move through life as if for show.
With out you I think my heart will rot.
The summer heat is fading, close to snow.
One thousand miles between you and I,
And although we are nothing more than friends,
The distance breaks my heart, so I could cry.
I take my glasses off and clean the lens.
It could be that we are better off through.
I guess I am better off with out you.

I’ll be fine, can’t you tell?
I’m making jokes about it,
So I’ll be fine.
Laugh at me,
Laugh at my jokes, my sarcasm, my stupidity
So that you don’t see
The tears falling down my face.

I’ll torture you if you leave, you know.
I’ll make you worried about me,
Just for fun, just for kicks.
But really so that maybe you’ll come back to me.
Get worried,
Get worried and take me seriously
So that you don’t see
The tears falling down my face.

I forgot my bag upstairs, see you tomorrow.
I’ll make the bus in a second
I’m alright, I’m fine.
I need to be alone for a minute.
See through my disguise,
See through me and stay here with me
So that you can see
The tears falling down my face.

To be sure
Dwelling upon what could have been
But wasn’t, is a waste of energy.
Lately I’ve convinced myself it’s time well spent.
Like Ying and Yang, you and I don’t at first appear to be harmonious,
Yet when linked, we are a calm kind of power.
All those weeks ago,
Those weeks that feel longer than years, yet shorter than days,
I didn’t see it.
Of course not, with evil poisoning our very minds
With it’s young beautiful charms.
Yet, I still blame myself, for that’s the Devil’s greatest trick:
I could have changed it all in an instant,
But I waved and smiled and did nothing at all.
But heart, don’t break: space and time are bent in a circle,
So maybe I’ll get it right next time.