everything that could be
            real
that could mean this is
            actually happening
it means
             nothing

does it not?

i worry you wouldn't
                              feel the same
                              act the same

look at me with that
                              spark

in your eyes
those anxious eyes

if your discernment were not
          

                                            tainted

she rocks herself to sleep at night
for who else can ease her sorrow?
brought upon by her own cursed self
she hopes not to see tomorrow

why can’t i just leave as i lay here now
drifting amongst desires and fears?
more pleasurable than reality it surely will be
than fighting through another day of tears

thinking through what’s been done so far
cringing for what’s yet to come
i realize there’s nothing left to do
and thus my heart goes numb

She hears the remarks, the jokes
Absorbs them into her skin
Yet they don’t stick to her bones
They drag more with them as they filter out

At first she thinks they’re wrong
But what if that’s not so?

Do I have to eat? Why?
Why don’t I deserve to look thinnerbetter than everyone else?
I can trick you all
Here goes…