it was like every minute i was falling deeper into a hole that im told leads to hell but instead leads to us
every time a thought passes my ****** mind i can always hear his name; it ******* ***** that he doesn't know that
and i pray on every 11:11 that those thoughts will become quiet words that nobody else would be able to hear
and all i can look forward to is the warmth of his back and his oddly cold hands that ill touch one day
and i look forward to the temporary tattoos written out in letters only we can understand
but i mostly look forward to his texts becoming a quiet voice, too

ill waste all the ink of my pen over him until then
every last drop

the hardest part about living is understanding that other people are living, too
they have the same amount of marks on their soul and the same thoughts and beliefs
a lot of people are the same
the same name-tag and all
it's hard to believe that so many people are identical to you when you're always alone
it's not like you can help it, anyways
but the point is that the hardest part of living isn't the worst
i've grown to that, i guess
i've changed a lot in a year

overtime i think i began to understand something
being alone wasn't the best thing for me
just for me
just because i began to think about things
and i began to wonder about things
and honestly, i drove myself to insanity each time the walls were closed around me
and my brain
it had the chance to do it, so it did
it's such a big part of me that i literally couldn't live without
it's something that i trusted and i truly cared about it
it did so much good for me, but at the same time..
i dont know
honestly, i'm just writing random words down that mean something to me and that make sense
im so glad im not alone anymore
i don't want to go back
i really, really dont
without this one person, i wouldn't be here, and that's crazy that a human being like yourself can do something like that
i don't rely on him for my life or anything,
he just made being alone being comfortable
honestly, im comfortable
he changes definitions and twists my mind around to a better place, and that's something that will have remembered all throughout my years, with or without him
he's my best friend
i can trust him, i really, really can
my love for my life now hasn't even passed the stages of youth, neither has my admiration for this one person
he's changed so much
i've changed so much

thank you
i love you