I'm scared that one day,
everything I've been through;
all of the bad things I've done,
all the trauma
And shock
I've set aside,
will feast
their revenge on me
once i'm weak and vulnerable.

I'm scared of going insane
from all that I've been through.
I'm afraid of idle moments
at night when I'm alone
with my thoughts
because that's when all of the bad things I did,
play back over and over
behind my eyes uncontrollably.  

Right now I still manage
to hold my walls in tact
from the past's force of entry.
But I know
this enemy I've created  
is strong;
possibly stronger than me.

And every night
I close my eyes
in fear;
for I feel
my walls
slowly slithering cracks
whilst the memories
grow stronger
And i, weaker.

I'm afraid of crumbling
and letting my past eat
my sanity.
I know it will come soon
if I don't do anything about it.

But that's precisely it
... I don't know what to do about it.

Silly souls
Don't admire me
Don't love me
I will
Destroy you

Heartlessly
I will abuse
Those three little words

Selfishly
I will lay
My chest
above yours

Silly soul
Sentiment does not
Roam my streets

But you did

Silly soul,
Now,
I will make you feel
alive
As I pierce my venom
Into your innocence

Intoxicated with my
Poison,
I will skin you
And wear you
And write about you

After my mission,
Farewell goes your
Silly soul
Into my river
Of destroyed gullibles
Just
Like
You.

As you anticipate
that one song to sing,
you feel your heart
tighten and stop,
as memories
of that night,
this very song played,
plays back
once again;
In the darkness
of your mind's alley.

It's that one song
which holds in it
the memories
of a night filled with laughter
and smiles.

And it is so precious
because it was that very night
before it all collapsed
and smashed
the family you chose,
to the very ground.