you are a rock.
a stone
uncarved
deeply scratched.
under the heat
of ice
cold
people
and the heavy weight
of downing
gravity,
you transform
into marble.
reflective
unmoving
hard
immobile.
but as with all things,
there is an equal and opposite
reaction
deduction
of a solution;
fly.
be the philosopher within the scientist
and exclaim
"it's gravity that's been dragging us down!"
be the child inside the old, grounded pilot
and look up
fly.
the impact of a planet's worth of gravity
is enough force to eject you out,
soar.
view the world
and survey the oceans and beaches.
start becoming the dreamer dreamers turn to to dream.
fly.
and be the moon.
you already are.

You
Are
No
Pseudo-*******-omni-paleo-poly-di-auto-uni-contradicto­ry
Idea.
Be
You.

i may have pushed you too far.
i may have pushed me too far.
this is me
desperate
half awake
half hoping you'd never hear what i did
half believing that is dishonesty
fully conflicted by internal misconduct.
but there's still a fraction
not a null, but a significant portion
that believes it has to get much worse
before it gets much better.
and i'm getting much worse.
so hang on until sunrise, i say
to you
and me.

step 1
breathe. calm down as much as you can. this could get difficult so don't let your breathing be another problem. breathe.

step 2
face fact. you are not well so stop pretending to be. you are not well so start trying to be.

step 3
state what you know about yourself. your brain isn't good with memories, and your heart isn't as strong a muscle as you hope it is. so write.

step 4
remember. you made her promise to make you remember her. you said that you will forget her. you said you will be depressed. you said that you do not want to do this, but know that you must.

step 5
double check. i promise i will do all i can to remember her. i will not let myself forget her as simply as i stated it. i will fight. this has to happen, but it's to be alone and not to feel numb and forgetful.

step 6
remember. remember all you can about her. write it all down.

step 7
write.

step 8
remember

step 9
**repeat from 1

the first time i tasted your lips
i regretted smoking too much that night.
my lips were cracked
and the only thing i tasted was menthol cigarettes.
took me a few hours to realize
i wasn't the one who smokes menthol.

we didn't just kiss, we held a competition
for dry lips and we are the only contestants
and each other's judges
performing on the stage of the mattress
horizontal
under the lights turned off.

kissing you is evolution in reverse
having two independent and capable persons
downgraded to having to rely on each other for breath
and even through the eons we have grown to walk upright
we curved our backs into question marks
asking each other why
and replying with nonspeaking lips.

kissing you moves from chapped lips grasping each other with gentle sandpaper caress
to gliding across one another with glimpses of tongues and teeth
breathing one another in
ragged
rasping
panting
deep breaths.

and it was wonderful.

remember when I told you
burning ice, frozen fire
remember when I used those words to describe you?
Well it's true, that's how far back I knew
I honestly thought you'd have a clue
that the ice is you
you are cold
I say again, you are cold
i'm not even going to withhold
a third time; you are cold
but the kind of cold I look for
after spending a couple of hours
walking around in the midday heat
looking for that one place that has good air conditioning
you are cold
the kind of cold I try to look for
when it's two past boiling outside
and the air feels like two inches from a car exhaust
you are cold, and I kind of like that
then again, you are fire
you are warm
like a candle flame you flicker
causing odd shadows to be cast
and causing odd shadows to disappear
and hell yes you're a horrible person
really really horrible at seeing you from my point of view
because then you'd understand the answer to your question
you won't even know, because I don't either
but you'd understand
that you're asking me why blue is blue
and why one isn't two
the answer can be stated simply as
“that's just how it is”
and it'll take more than a few headaches to properly explain
the science behind the color spectrum
and the mathematics behind the identity of numbers
and even those combined
can't hope to come close to answering your question
because no amount of science and no amount of math can explain
why you are such a wonderful person
because you are
that's just how you are
you are like that silence between an inhale and an exhale
a breath but the absence of
that bit of a straight line in a circle
a snowman built on the equator
a contradiction beyond recognition
and the only thing I see in this simulation
is that no matter what avatar you use
no matter what ruse
you are a wonderful person
you are wonderfully complex
and if I try hard enough
the complexity can become a singularity
running on transitivity like a machine
a machine that creates nothing but contradiction
like the contradiction of ice that is burning
and of fire that is freezing
and that's you
this is a short poem, but if I try and use all the words
to try and tell you why I trust you
alien civilizations would rise and fall
and their languages combined in a summation
would not even cover one half of why I put my trust in you
I just do

i want to take you home
even just for a night
we can eat pizza i ordered
and you can have the last slice

we can watch a movie
but i won't follow the plot
i'll just be watching you
and every scene of your body

maybe we can kiss for a bit
and i'll do my very best
but i won't tell you
that i don't know where my toungue goes

how about we sleep together?
i'll try to make you happy
i'll just pretend
that i know what i'm doing

and in the morning
i'll compliment your eyes
and i hope my words aren't stale
like the pizza we had