The end of my cigarette seeping down like an inferno

Burning slowing

Blurry

Filling my lungs with toxic self nourishment

Trailing smoke in my lovers face

Why is it so ******* pleasing to ruin ourselves?

Why does it hurt so good?

Maybe i'll find out once its all over

Once I am locked inside my wooden cage, and topped with wet earth

I'll patiently wait until then

I'll finally fully understand how much time I had wasted running full speed to my final destination

Death

Who really loved me?

Who truly didn't?

The inferno of this cigarette is finally half gone

Even more time wasted burying myself

The other half of me is my brain

Pickled in alcohol

Riddled with regret

Past, present, and future

A woman in love with her sins and passion

A victim of her own ideas and indiscretions

Infatuated with torturing her very soul

A beautiful mind, riddled with fear

My body is slowly turning into ash

Burning, and red hot

Disgust wrapped in pretty paper

To be burned, and thrown in a gutter

My heart is in my stomach & i'm painted with sweat

No one but you makes my spine tingle like sprinkling rain

I ******* hate you
I ******* love you

You deserve love, but none of mine

******* swine

CTL

My head is clouded
Im faded
No use in trying to escape it
All the while, trying to erase it

I'm here
Alone, but listening

I need everything you have to give,
But I realize now that's an unrealistic request

I'm still chasing it

Escape it, and erase it

There's no point is wasting anymore time desiring the undesirable

The human brain is beautifully extended
However, with beauty there is a price to pay
We have to pay for everyday that we spend elated and without worry;
Our thoughts and actions become dresser drawers
You may have them all open at once
None open at all or even slightly
Or a secret special sequence of opened *******

I choose to keep every drawer at a slight open

At ease, I may now peak in and search for the answer that I need

Never shut completely.. in case I become needy

I felt the loss, now i'm exposed to fear
The end is coming near

All I need is you to hear me
The words that i'm saying are dire

I need you to hear

My last thoughts are of pure faith and desire
Why can't you hear me?

My last step;
My last breathe

Here I am
Open, and wounded

Needing some swooning, craving pain

The loss of my past, predicting the aching pain of lost love and relation

I'm here; waiting
Patiently waiting

Needing, and pleeding

The last dose

The one that makes my heart implode

Destruction

My needs are unconquerable

The heat and oxygen course through your lungs like a temporary flame

One sweet dull second of numbness

All they can see is an empty vessel; an unstained body, with from the looks of it, not a care in the world

But they are simply decomposing from the inside out

No doubt, they will be a platform of overt despair by the end of the night

The sight will give a writer something to write about, an empath something to cry about, and a lover something to worry about

Destruction is infused in every cell of their body

When it comes down to choice, there is not one

It feels to them as if the days inevitably, and relentlessly, cease to end in the immense amount of pain instilled in every ounce of their being

Dreading tomorrow as if it's a terminal sickness

Once you have lost hope, it seems there is no fire left to burn

The time that they have left in the world will be filled with cheap cigarettes, Irish car bombs, and lifeless friends

Closely comparable to a dying tree; close to expired, and still so beautiful

Tick tock

The man is gone

Tick tock

Did he run?

Tick tock

He made a mistake

Tick tock

Time has been stopped

Two very dark, and boundless questions constantly cycle through my brain

It can either seem immense and overwhelming, or very simple

Am I living? Or am I dying?