I left you today…

It’s over…

I’m DONE!

MOVED OUT!

In a spring shower’s end

on foot…

Walkin’ Hard and Fast

Down a dampened street

(Workin’ my neck even…)

Lookin’ crazy…

Talkin’ to myself… bout **** I don’t hafta take

Out loud

(Low down and SELFISH!)

I can FIND me somebody ELSE to drive me cross country to see my mama

(I can’t STAND him!)

I can FIND me somebody ELSE to help me take down my weave

(Makes me SICK…!)

I can FIND me somebody ELSE

To rub lotion on my back… and

To sing me silly songs… and

To make love to me… and

To rub my feet

To rub my feet

Somebody else to rub my feet… like you do…

And…  I will too…

I will…

Just right now…

My feet do ache a little… and

I need to show you

This new umbrella I bought

Busy people…
Oh so busy people….
You step real hard when you walk real fast
With your busy scowls on your busy faces
Making busy wrinkles in your busy forehead
From thinking all those
Wondrous… and
Special…
Busy thoughts…

**** sho too busy to
Make small talk… or
Ask about… or
Even be pleasant to
Us regular people…
Oh so busy…
Would make an old man wait for 6 hours
For the answer to a 5 minute question…

Cuz you busy…

Too busy to even answer the phone
Especially…  If you know who’s callin’…
Sho too busy…Way too busy…
To answer
For the likes of me… or even him… cuz
That’s not what you busy people do…
We should all
Just be happy
To have your
Wondrous… and
Special… and
Busy self
To be
Ignored by

But Oh Mr. Busy…
One day…
Mayhap…
You will look up from your busy-ness… and
Find that there are
No more some bodies
To step past real hard… or
To dismiss… as unimportant
With your busy scowl and busy wrinkled forehead
No more callers
To  ignore… or un-pleasantries to share
Cuz you,  yourself,  have gotten
Unpleasantly old
And every body else

Is just too busy…

It appears that I am now
At that age…

The age at which
The older folks of my youth
Shook their heads and talked softly together and
Pat-hugged each other and held hands with sad eyes... and
From the corner of my young ear
Without full comprehension or understanding~
“If there is anything I can do…”
Or
“I’m so sorry for your loss…”
Or
“Bless your heart…”

Then time got away … and
Here we are… and
Somehow surprised to be…

At the age at which
Every other body’s
Mom or Dad or Parents
Are merely needful
Or dying
Or dead… and
We are now the
Caregivers… or
Caretakers… whether
Primary or In Addition To…
Enthusiastically or Reluctantly… it is now
Our turn…
With
Every other body
To shake our heads and talk softly together and
Pat-hug each other and hold hands with sad direct eyes and
Complete and Profound understanding~
“If there is anything I can do…”
Or
“I’m so sorry for your loss…”
Or
“Bless your heart…”

For sadly
We are now
At
That Age

Days gone by… by this point…  I’da been
Toasted
Buttered
Three Sheets To The Wind
Toe’ –up from the flo’- up
and
Highly Intoxicated
But that was then and this is now…
NOW… I don’t smoke… I don’t drink… and I don’t get high
Not no more…
BUT I DO COOK!!  And loooove my own good cooking!!
AND I DO EAT!! And loooove that too!!
With that said... here is my confession...

on the day my mother died… I consumed…
2 deep fried chicken sandwiches… a Hostess Ding ****… a Snicker Bar
And enough Apple Jacks to need an intervention and a visit to A.J.A.
Apple Jack Anonymous

So today... I repent... Say 3 Hail Mary's... and eat a salad...

A ***** deserves respect
When she can break you down
To her level
Whether you want to go
Or not
When just the PROMISE of her arrival
Shakes one to the core
And when in the REALITY of her arrival
One is faced with but two choices-
UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER… or
A FIGHT TO THE DEATH
She’s so bad… That...
She can decimate an entire family… One by one…
Or show up where she is least expected… in a surprise attack…
And I do not like her… And she don’t RUN things here… but
She IS given respect…In that
This low-down cruel ***** will
make a believer out of the hardest man
make your life... and the lives of your loved ones
revolve solely around her
make you break your bank
make you drive miles and miles
for unproven remedies… and
experimental relief
make you try ANYTHING
from crystal necklaces to copper bracelets...
to banish her evil self... and
I DO NOT LIKE HER…
but whether I like her or not...
she DOES command a ******-up sort of
respect
So I always capitalize the C in Cancer... cuz
She is my enemy… and
One should never
underestimate
the enemy

It’s complicated…


And comes in

Varying shades of gray…


Up the scale

To sweaty FUSCHIA

Or down the scale

To dismal BLACK


Let it be

What it be…

Because

It is…

What it is…


Don’t overthink it

Don’t micro analyze it… or

Make excuses for it… or

For the lack of it…

Because…


It’s complicated

Love is…


And comes in

Varying shades of gray

With regard to this grieving process…
how is this supposed work…?
is it okay to be sad for me…
but happy for her…
cuz Cancer
(with a capital “C”  
outta respect)
is a low-down cruel *****…
But she gave that low-down cruel *****…
A run for her money…
A hellava fight…
And now her race is run…
And it’s a win/win …
Or maybe it’s a no brainer…
And I’m sure that there is at least one more cliché that I can use here
But **** it…
It’ll  hafta come to me later…
Cuz my skin itches…
and I keep looking over my shoulder…
feeling as if someone is there…