Thou shadow shaped ice,
freezing to eternal winter.
Thou ******* more brutish and cloddish
Soft snow does settle after stormy seasons
But winter’s bite too fierce, too drawn.
Ice formed sharp edges deep within
Preparing
Lovely flowers lie
Surrendering to the storm
Oh sadness thou savor!
Branches break beneath thunder’s bark.
Could one be saved by sun’s kiss?
Gentle touch tint tough skin
Melt thou’s burn, spring daphnes belle.

The memory still haunts me,
like the wild imaging's
of a fevered nightmare.

Torture to my soul,
though your sympathy
holds no role.

A pretty new dress
My pretty blue dress
I laugh, she smiles
I tease, she plays

“Let’s wrestle” she says
And jumps onto me
I scream, I struggle
Relentless, she seems

Wrists pinned above my head
My waste suppressed to the ground
I wriggle out, I push her off
She throws me down

No, no please no
As I climb away
I strive for distance
I battle for safety

My best friend reaches for a pencil
As she collapses over me, and jabs it inside
Her hand grabs for my dress, my pretty blue dress
And yanks it, burning my skin with its new thread

Crying out, I hit her
She laughs, she smiles
I scream for help, calling to her father
With no response

Breaking free, I lunge for the door
Only to trip, falling to the floor
Straddled, she laughs
She’s winning this match

My buttons tear, uncovering my *******
My camera in her hand
“Let’s show your boyfriend”
She toys

Suffocating under her obesity
I haven’t the air to scream
Tears leak from my eyes
Lips quiver in shame

Bored, she bounces, she thrusts
Nearly cracking my hips
My ribs crunch, my guts ache
And I gasp for air

My best friend grabs a marker
She writes on my face
As she bounces
She writes on my face

Asthma consumes me
As I struggle for consciousness
My mind fuzzes, and vision darkens
I think to myself, “This is how I end”

I never wore my blue dress again
I never told of what she did
I never spoke to her again
I never
I never
I never
My best friend.

With tear blurred eyes
I shook my head no, again and again
could this be lies?
Is this a trick to bring me more pain?

No, it’s not a lie
I’m steady as a brick, frozen with confusion
I fall back with an uneasy sigh
This seems like an allusion

“We won’t move again,”
They’d promised me

2005 to 2007 by summers, it’s all I had
How could we go through change like this,
again?

After all we went through
But I didn’t bother argue, I simply asked when
I would be forced to leave all my best friends

Nevertheless, I’d grown used to this biennial

With luck, our next home will last a year longer.

What is Peace?
If not love, and happiness.
Is it that absence of anger,
To not deal with the rage thundering through the walls of our homes and cities?
Is it the lack of drama,
to not have to deal with the stress that our lives throw at us?
To not feel pain, as our lives and maybe loved ones create over time... emotionally, or physically?
What is it you think of, when you imagine peace?
A calm life, filled with laughter, smiles, and tears of joy?
Do you imagine those things in life you've wanted most surrounding you?
No bills, no pills, no kills.
Sharing, love, and care?

When I look into these eyes
I find things no one else ever catches a glimpse at

I see this fear of judgment
that makes her cower at confrontation

I see this hopelessness for the future
that make her choices her burden alone

I see this desperate need for companionship to make her strong
in the savage world of humans

I see this courage
caged in her thoughts of inferiority

I see these thoughts of abandonment
that make her cling to anything

I see this devotion to her beliefs
that makes her fear death

And then I turn away from the mirror and walk away.

Once upon a time
Far far away
Once upon a time in a dream
Once upon a time I was Daddy’s little girl
Once upon a time that was me

In my dream I was Daddy’s little girl
In my dream he loved me
In my dream we did things together
Like ran races
Jumped rope
I can still feel the cold metal chains of the swing in my hands
But that’s not real
Nope
It was once upon a time that
Once upon a dream
Far far away
That was me

In my dreams I was Daddy’s little girl
In my dream he loved me
He took me places
Like ice cream shoppes and baseball games
I can still hear the crack of the bat
He took me places like roller skating and Broadway plays
What do you think of that?
But it’s not real
It’s once upon a time
Once upon a dream
Far far away that was me

Thoughts chase through my head,
They bubble up my throat,
Scratching to get free.

I speak in mute voice:
Words slipping away,
Like water in my hands.

Every day passes
reminding me of things to be learned
I do not know about life as an adult sees it
I only know as a teenager and child
what life is meant to be

Today I learned of love
and the falsities it bears
I do not know its true meaning
or the reason I find it never true

I do not know how to tell a good friend from bad
we all talk behind each other’s backs
I see not me in the mirror
but a teenager who is too fat or utterly ugly

Today I learned of drugs
and of all the feelings they bring
I experimented just a little
and now I wish for more

If everybody goes through the torment of teen pain
and they hear the much defeating snickers and comments
why are adults so cruel as to say
these are the best years of our lives?

He treats me like garbage
To the gutter I go
Why he abuses me like this
I’ll never know
I’m hurtin’ from his cold words
The cruel things he said
They ring in my ears
They burn in my head
And I’m choking on his false truths
I can’t deal with his lies
God knows how much I’ll take
He’s dust in my eyes
Every time I speak
He throws another fit
His self-righteous act
Makes me wanna spit

I am looking in a mirror,
but all I can see is me,
trying to be
what I want to be
instead of what I really am.

Laughter filled the air
and everyone turned to stare
at the friends whose smiles
Lit up the town for miles
Alice was beautiful
with eyes so delightful
her red hair would flow
whenever the wind would blow
a radiant smile, replaces the sun
on a night’s moonless run
Alice had a problem
she didn’t care to solve them
She laughs and tilts the bottle back
knowing with this her worries would lack
Dancing her life away
she claims she’s ‘fine’ anyway
For just this once, it was one too many
But I told her she shouldn't have any
Those smiles fade to frowns
and worry creeps into their brows
as she fell to the floor
and police beat down the door
Screams rise in the air
while people run everywhere
Alice just lay there
when she had looked so happy
fighting a life so ******

I walk
in the shadows of others,
blinded by smiles and grades.
I walk
by myself,
scared to bask in the
sun,
to be noticed,
to be cared for,
scared to have the path
I’ve walked down so many times
before
altered.