Suicide... It's entered my mind.
I'm thinking about it...
I don't want to die.
I'm not ready... I'm not there yet.
But when I am it could be the most glorious thing.
For now I will wait.

Peek-a-boo.... they can't see you but I do. A predator,  slowly stalking your prey in the night. You creep... I could stop you but my adrenaline overcomes me. I'll let you ****... but not too much because this is not about you...the victim...no... this is about me. I can see... you strangle them and miles apart you separate the stench of death for all eternity. The sensation you feel when you ****, I can feel it inside me...I suffocate it, every breath , ill drain you...paint battle scares on my face with your blood and torment your soul until I feel it cleanses me. Your body is still warm... by the fire how does feel to be a victim? I cut your skin and make a quilt , just like a tapestry of all those people you killed. In a blanket of you skin I shall sleep... but first should stop watching you sleep mr killer...when you're ******* them , ill be ******* you... sleep tight.. bwaaah! 😆

Okay...okay... maybe I got a little emotional,  maybe devotional, crying out a sound that might mean nothing to you.  Why's this guy making such a racket? Well let me put it this way,  its like opening an bag of fish and chips only to see it fall out of the packet... boo-hoo , on the ground... sometimes you cry, some times you move on a declar everything is sound... like pound. you know one quid, loose change,  a poor man's chance on a roulette grid. I bet on 9...sorry , house wins, why are you wasting time? Maybe you should move to America and try those dimes but its still wasting time . Because when you're dreaming its a crime of the mind... a false find... just like on Facebook when people keep sharing the same old **** time after time... like cyndi lauper,  gotta show those true colours ,count dollars because I've always gotta bail out my mind... remember? For that crime? Yet I move on try to forget the things I try to remember, but I still remember to forget things that make hate this life of mine. Move on repurchase those fish and chips this time adding on all kinds of dips. Making it larger, Xl there's no wrong and right, no heaven or hell... but there's this ****** up rat race called love and we all have a story to tell.

Do you believe in miracles? If you do then you believe in nothing... help me to believe in nothing... because if I did I'd have hope just like you.
Do you believe in fairytales? You dream so hard it almost could come true...I don't believe in fairytales but if I did I'd be right beside you.
I wish you could see all those colours... they radiate throughout the universe when call out to you. All those comets and stars carry my energy as I say hello to you.
Its like Jupiter and Mars... so far apart its like looking at the past.
Have you forgotten me? Have you moved on and has somebody said "will you marry me?" Yes I'm gone... yes it true... but no one told me and I really, really never knew.
Why couldn't you teach me? Why couldn't you tell me right from wrong? Now you're gone... and I'm gone... I'm gone, so gone and I can't get back home... all alone.  All alone so gone I sing so out of tune... for you. Life is cruel.  You live a life of a fairytale so sweet
While I sit alone with my mind and soul playing on repeat.  I didn't know... I wish I could believe in fairytales... I wish I could believe in nothing. Then maybe these words would not be so bitter... and maybe my life would be so sweet.

If just close my eyes then maybe I could wish this all away... Searching for a higher state of consciousness twisting and kissing sun rays. Am I me? I wish I could be the universe, drifting inbetween dark matter,I wish I could be greater,I close my eyes,my perennial eye still can't see. I need something greater than you... Something greater than me...this world is just enough for me to just be.

I wish I could be humble like you do... You can even tare an orange in two... You always share things even when you don't have to . I always sleep with the lights on wishing someday you'll come home. Days go by so fast I'm forgetting to paint a picture of memories faded,so long almost unknown. You're from a place where the sun shines, scattered sands we run, we could of had a good time. Sky so blue mountains reflect orange from a sun set, telling a story of how the day smiled...on the stoop at dawnville on the stoop we would of drank wine. I wish I had a smile like yours,even when it's tough you sing a song and everything's fine. So cool , you even made me blue, Shep the dog,sheedy and sharp... Over cooked greens,fish fingers aren't made out of carp. Well mom, I really miss you , I just wish I had the chance to say thank you and kiss you!

I'm lost without you...I can't sleep at night. I stare at my phone... I'm all alone. Coffee tastes like ****...it's just like my heart... all bitter and black. it's just after two and I can't stop thinking about you...I wish I only knew...if I could love myself the way I love you.  There's no reason for all this existence, there's no magic... There's no fairytales... Is the universe even real? This pain feels like it's real.

Time... the gift that keeps on giving but you can never take it back. Young heart foolishly passing time always seems like money well spent. these old eyes look back and realise it's an investment missed. Wasted opportunity...an opportunity of a lifetime. Take me back I wasn't ready, give me one more chance! I don't want to die... I don't want to fade away into nothingness... I missed the boat I'm treading water... I'm being Hung out to dry... And it's all my fault.

I've got a six-shooter to be more specific a six pack of Heineken. Days almost over , in the distance there's some buildings holding up the sun. People pushing tin and rubber , the roads are a frenzy . There's   a race to get home and put something made inside a factory  in to the oven. Night shift workers are like magicians the way they turn morning in to night, working so late makes it easier to slack right? Buildings suffer from insomnia and all the people never sleep... public transports still *****, everything is always late. Traffic wardens are on the prowl as they take down your number plate. Its always good to sit back and watch the city operate.

Has anybody seen sweet Natalie? Last time I saw her I was wondering the hills, that's when she asked me 'how come you never tried to kiss me?' so I kissed her then, I could of done it again and again, I would of had I known  that was the end. Never, ever would I see my **** little friend. **** I really miss her... long silky, brown hair. A face carved by an angel a body carved by artist, you couldn't help but just stare.

There's no pill in the world that can ease the pain of all the stupid things he does. The sound track of his life is just a single song played endlessly on repeat. There's never a lesson ever taught or learnt, just stupidity, eat... sleep... stupid... repeat. Happy-go lucky he's the type of guy that wears suede shoes when it rains. Depression can be like a black and white movie where he's the only one acting... worthy of an Oscar ,much like the golden gong he stands all alone. Lonely  and tired, there is no hope... counting crows + alcohol = self medicate. It's like you don't like being happy, it's like you love being sad.

I feel so alone... my soul feels dark just like this cup of coffee in front of me. I guess the coffee is alone too... well at least we both have company . I just don't want live inside of me... I'm scared of dying, I'm also scared of living. In built a prison deep inside of me. I can't break free... someone please help me. These days come by and nothing is getting any easy.

Has anybody seen the way the sun hits the sky? It's like the end of a scene from a movie screen. Inbetween a tiesto dream,searching for sugarman, we are searching for sunrise... when things are dark... the reflection of the moon can bring light in your eyes. Through the tunnel, there's a hole from a pin... just walk towards the light which restores peace from with in... let it in...drink it in like the gift of jericho, belive in yourself and the things that you know.

Shut the **** up!  You moan more than what I do.
Ever thought there's people going through more **** than you... Way more, like ten times more, then times that **** by 2. Oh, wow! Someone pushed in front of you in the supermarket at the express queue.  Oh poor you! There's a starving family in the slums that's been poor for so long,so long, longer than the amount of times you've circled the sun , but your self worth circles around you. You're in a galaxy where every star represents your ego. You and your petty first world problems make me cringe just like a rich hairy dude, over indulging while he dines on his yacht in a speedo. The point of this is that your **** is petty, just like the guy in the speedo, he looks like a yetti...mindless jibba-jabber, ask yourself does the world need this? NO!!!

I promise I promise, this is the end. I repeat myself , till my stomach feels quisy... it's dark in the tunnel, where is a friend to tell me no one said this is gonna be easy? Inspirations just a dreamer, in a cloud that covers my face... what if we could all rewind, press pause, reset, take a rocket ship in to outta space? Into a galaxy so dark, where the light is dead, but travels so far, a visual echo of a dead star whose memory won't erase. Away, away , so far away, help me get away from myself... a  promise to me to promise myself means nothing like an empty novel purposely forgotten and left on a shelf. Again and again, the same routine, is it better to be clean from being serene?  All I know is I aways promise the same, day after day , I pretend I belive there's an end to this game.

When I fall to pices, what if I didn't wanna get back up again? Lay somewhere in the middle wherever it begins and wherever it ends? Never stand again real tall,quite contempt to crawl. It doesn't matter if I'm this side or that side of the wall. If I break a smile I could do a handstand, so my mouths the right way...staying awake at night so I could sleep all day. What if I didn't want to move on? What if this is right where I belong? Listen to sad songs and do no wrong, this life's ***** it's taking too long.

I came back and again started inking, ideas and words were so hard because I was over thinking. Changing lines, erasing flows, what can I write I don't know. Getting irritated, getting tense, starting again because it's not making sense. Freeing a mind that's suffering from block ,  keep on inking and it's gonna unlock.

Has anyone seen the sun and the sea, it looks just like a scene from a movie screen. A reflection of blue and white on white somewhere in the clouds he lost his dreams. Carefully Walking on the pavement, his foot can't touch the cracks because it will mean she doesn't love him. It's a silly game... perhaps it's silly just like love? Nevermind , he likes to play this game but there's a better chance it'll rain jelly beans and those clouds could give him back his dreams.

I wish

They get so tired and weary, possibly from people, possibility days grow so old you can see it on their face. What's the point in being someone? Word after word, write after write, same lines say it's better to be no one
When life tries to groom you in to someone. Art used to imitate life but these days life tries to imitate art like a bad Hollywood remake we grow so tired. Fake smiles of Thalia, we greet each other in the streets but beneath the frown of Melpomene,fixated to our soul. I wish I had no face. No name to call my own or be called. No conscience. No desire. No lust. No anger. I wish I was nobody, my mind razor sharp,so sure feelings are gone and understanding so pure. Then I would not be tired... Then I could live my life. no fear, just will, at peace, my mind in control forevermore.

Hello to you...
To...you...hello,hello poetry.
I seek shelter in the arms of fellow writers... I travel from a far from a land of trolls and blighters who forget the gift of writing and imagination. It has become a train of insults that plods along from station to station. I seek refuse where I can just write... Write things about how I sometimes look in to the sky wondering where...wondering how? It's cold outside, my feet soaked from the puddles I walked in for miles...with these holes in my worn out shorts. So, come on...please. Why don't you  invite me in?