Suicide... It's entered my mind.
I'm thinking about it...
I don't want to die.
I'm not ready... I'm not there yet.
But when I am it could be the most glorious thing.
For now I will wait.

Peek-a-boo.... they can't see you but I do. A predator,  slowly stalking your prey in the night. You creep... I could stop you but my adrenaline overcomes me. I'll let you ****... but not too much because this is not about you...the victim...no... this is about me. I can see... you strangle them and miles apart you separate the stench of death for all eternity. The sensation you feel when you ****, I can feel it inside me...I suffocate it, every breath , ill drain you...paint battle scares on my face with your blood and torment your soul until I feel it cleanses me. Your body is still warm... by the fire how does feel to be a victim? I cut your skin and make a quilt , just like a tapestry of all those people you killed. In a blanket of you skin I shall sleep... but first should stop watching you sleep mr killer...when you're ******* them , ill be ******* you... sleep tight.. bwaaah! 😆

Okay...okay... maybe I got a little emotional,  maybe devotional, crying out a sound that might mean nothing to you.  Why's this guy making such a racket? Well let me put it this way,  its like opening an bag of fish and chips only to see it fall out of the packet... boo-hoo , on the ground... sometimes you cry, some times you move on a declar everything is sound... like pound. you know one quid, loose change,  a poor man's chance on a roulette grid. I bet on 9...sorry , house wins, why are you wasting time? Maybe you should move to America and try those dimes but its still wasting time . Because when you're dreaming its a crime of the mind... a false find... just like on Facebook when people keep sharing the same old **** time after time... like cyndi lauper,  gotta show those true colours ,count dollars because I've always gotta bail out my mind... remember? For that crime? Yet I move on try to forget the things I try to remember, but I still remember to forget things that make hate this life of mine. Move on repurchase those fish and chips this time adding on all kinds of dips. Making it larger, Xl there's no wrong and right, no heaven or hell... but there's this ****** up rat race called love and we all have a story to tell.

Do you believe in miracles? If you do then you believe in nothing... help me to believe in nothing... because if I did I'd have hope just like you.
Do you believe in fairytales? You dream so hard it almost could come true...I don't believe in fairytales but if I did I'd be right beside you.
I wish you could see all those colours... they radiate throughout the universe when call out to you. All those comets and stars carry my energy as I say hello to you.
Its like Jupiter and Mars... so far apart its like looking at the past.
Have you forgotten me? Have you moved on and has somebody said "will you marry me?" Yes I'm gone... yes it true... but no one told me and I really, really never knew.
Why couldn't you teach me? Why couldn't you tell me right from wrong? Now you're gone... and I'm gone... I'm gone, so gone and I can't get back home... all alone.  All alone so gone I sing so out of tune... for you. Life is cruel.  You live a life of a fairytale so sweet
While I sit alone with my mind and soul playing on repeat.  I didn't know... I wish I could believe in fairytales... I wish I could believe in nothing. Then maybe these words would not be so bitter... and maybe my life would be so sweet.

If just close my eyes then maybe I could wish this all away... Searching for a higher state of consciousness twisting and kissing sun rays. Am I me? I wish I could be the universe, drifting inbetween dark matter,I wish I could be greater,I close my eyes,my perennial eye still can't see. I need something greater than you... Something greater than me...this world is just enough for me to just be.

I wish I could be humble like you do... You can even tare an orange in two... You always share things even when you don't have to . I always sleep with the lights on wishing someday you'll come home. Days go by so fast I'm forgetting to paint a picture of memories faded,so long almost unknown. You're from a place where the sun shines, scattered sands we run, we could of had a good time. Sky so blue mountains reflect orange from a sun set, telling a story of how the day smiled...on the stoop at dawnville on the stoop we would of drank wine. I wish I had a smile like yours,even when it's tough you sing a song and everything's fine. So cool , you even made me blue, Shep the dog,sheedy and sharp... Over cooked greens,fish fingers aren't made out of carp. Well mom, I really miss you , I just wish I had the chance to say thank you and kiss you!

I'm lost without you...I can't sleep at night. I stare at my phone... I'm all alone. Coffee tastes like ****...it's just like my heart... all bitter and black. it's just after two and I can't stop thinking about you...I wish I only knew...if I could love myself the way I love you.  There's no reason for all this existence, there's no magic... There's no fairytales... Is the universe even real? This pain feels like it's real.