kt: Poems

anxiety

kt Jan 2014

anxiety

it's the pain in the gut of my stomach
like maybe i should say something
but i'm better off if i stay quiet.
it's the burning sensation in my throat
like i'm about to choke up and i need
to swallow before the tears come.
it's the way my hands lose grip
because i get so nervous around people
and i constantly need to wipe them.
it's the fear of going out with friends
because they're probably not laughing
at me but they probably are.

caribbean blue

kt Jan 2014

caribbean blue

it's been 6 months
and i still remember
the exact shade of blue
that your eyes shined.

its been 6 months
so tell me how do i remember
the sound of your voice
the night you said good bye

its been 6 months
and im still as sorry now
as i was back then
but it's way too late

eastern

kt Feb 2014

eastern

It's nearing 1am
And like clockwork
I begin missing
The sound of your voice
The sparkle in your eyes
The way your hair
Just always fell into place
I miss the way you held me
I remember our last kiss
It was dark and we watched
The stars shinning and you
Leaned in and kissed me
Goodbye and walked away from us
It's 1am and 6 months later
The pain isn't any easier

fifteen

kt Jul 2014

fifteen

Fifteen

Is the first slap in the face and the last "I love you"

Is the reason for 3 years of therapy and 5 different psychiatrists

Is the bruised eyes and the cut up arms

Is what all my nightmares are about

Is why I spent the past 5 years planning ways to **** myself

Is the reason it takes two pills and a shot of ***** to leave my house

Is the "no one else is to blame but you"

Fifteen is the age I lost my innocence.

i lost you.

kt Nov 2013

i lost you.

i miss your morning texts
or the silly messages id get
in the middle of the day
i miss falling asleep texting you
and waking up to a text
saying you lose,
you fell asleep first
remember how we kept score?
i guess i really did lose.

i love you too

kt Feb 2014

i love you too

you wrote me a love letter
in black and blue bruises
down my arms and across
my chest and on my heart.

short but bitter sweet

see you soon

kt Jan 2014

see you soon

its only been 6 days
and this place isnt quite home
without you here anymore
dad stays up all night crying
mom wakes up screaming
this place died when you did
i think im going to come see you
will you wait by the door?

slam poetry

kt Dec 2013

slam poetry

slam poetry as in the way
you slammed me to the ground
and wrestled with me
just to get off my pants

slam poetry as in the way
you slammed into me
and told me i would enjoy it more
if i stopped yelling for help

slam poetry as in the way
you ripped away my innocence
and left me there with nothing
but a new unconscious need for
*male approval

the girl who cried wolf

kt Oct 2013

the girl who cried wolf

i came to you with my problems
you told me to shut up
and im a little wolf crier
i was drenched in blood
all i needed was help
instead you called me
and yelled at me to grow up
you said i was just pretending
"some people have real problems"
so i cut a little deeper
my problems arent real
so i took another pill
i shouldnt be here

Untitled

kt Apr 2014

Untitled

you know there are other girls right?
ones with softer skin,
and bluer eyes,
girls without scars on their hips,
and girls without a damaged soul.
there are girls who could love you more
girls who could love you better.
girls who actually know how to love.
i dont even know how to love myself,
and you expect me to be able to love you.
why would you choose me
when there are better girls for you?

an apology to my boyfriend

vodka

kt Oct 2013

*****

you told me i drank too much
as you were sipping your beer,
but i drink to forget the pain
and you drink to feel something.

you told me you couldn't trust me
as you kissed her,
but i would never hurt you
and you have no heart.

you told me you could taste it
as you were pushing me away,
but i kept pulling you closer
and you just kept walking.

— The End —