As a child, this chaos began.
Instead of being the baby brother yearning for the attention of his big sister, you pinched and scratched me until I bled.
Only one thought occurred; what have I done?


As the years passed and your preteen years arrived, I was ecstatic to see what direction you were headed to.
What music will he be into?
What kind of style will he most be inspired by?
Instead of opening up and letting me be apart of this, you shut me out with your hatred growing stronger.
Only one thought occurred; what have I done?

Now in the present, you are no longer a little boy.
You've become more independent.
You've chosen the type of crowd you'd like to associate with.
You've become a talented musician.
You're so very intelligent.
You've now experienced not only your first heartbreak but, your second.
They're so many things about you that I admire deeply.
But still, you hate me.
Your words pierce my heart and your thoughts about me make me *****.
You don't want me anywhere near you.
You don't want me involved in anything that you do.
You are disgusted by me.
I will always love you but still, only one thought occurs; what have I done?

I woke up this morning feeling so blessed to have you in my life.
Since the day I met you, you have brought the utmost joy in my heart.
A joy I didn't even know existed until I met you.
I prayed to God up above to send me someone who I can love wholeheartedly, someone who can love me back the same way, and he sent me you.
Someone who I can call my best friend, who passes no judgement and accepts me, flaws and all.
That's exactly who you are.
If I have ever made you question my love or loyalty for you, please forgive me.
I'm not perfect, I have my days, but I promise you, I love you with all my heart.  
I will love you forever.
Thank you for being you and for loving me consistently.  
You have made me a better person and you make me want to continue to be better for myself and for us.
I acknowledge at times I can be a headache.  
I'm very stubborn and at times I have a hard time admitting that I'm wrong.
In no way is this right and I apologize from the bottom of my heart.
I'm definitely going to work on that.
You deserve all the love and happiness in the world and I want to be the person who gives that to you.
We both know that things won't always be easy, but I know that I'll always want to work it out with you.
There will never be a time that I'll give up on you or on us.
You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Thank you for everything that you have done for me.
I appreciate you so much.
Most of all, thank you for loving me the way you have.
Because of you, I finally know what love really is.
You are so handsome, so intelligent, loving, caring, considerate, and just so funny.  
I pray God continues to work on our relationship because we need to continue to grow as a couple.  
Baby, we were made for each other.  
I love you so much, today, tomorrow, and always.

Love,
Candace

****...
This hurts.
Not the kind of "hurt" that I've felt before.
This hurts more than any pain I've ever endured.
I wake up every day, attempting to be strong.
I try to keep myself extra busy at work.
I drown myself in paperwork all day just so my mind can be occupied.
Nothing seems to work.
I still think about us and how we got here, every second of every day since you told me you needed a "break".
I just never expected us to be in this place.
We were so good.
Of course we had our days, what couple doesn't...but I've never questioned how you felt about, until now.
It hurts.
You won't even tell me you love me.
That makes my heart sink and the tears to fall from my eyes uncontrollably.
I feel so helpless.
I don't even have anybody to turn to, because you were the one person I went to for everything.
You always made everything better.
I keep trying to figure out what I've done for you to act so cold towards me.
What have I done for you to act like you just don't care anymore?
I know I'm not perfect.
I know I'm annoying, stubborn, and sometimes hard to deal with but I really love you and I thought that over ruled everything.
I did my best to be there for you when you needed me most.
I tried my best every day.
Was my best not good enough?
I just miss you...I miss you like crazy.
I feel an immense amount of sadness to not know what's going to happen between us.
I truly believed that our love could conquer all.
All obstacles.
All trials.
All bad days.
Everything.
I still am trying to hold on to that faith because I remember feeling how much you loved me, you showed me a love I never knew before, a love that gave me butterflies everyday. A love so strong.
I love you too much to just give up like that.
I meant every word I have ever said to you.
Every single time I kissed you, I fell more in love.
Every single time I held your hand, I felt more safe.
Every single time I hugged you, I never wanted to let go.
I still don't want to let go.
I still want  you...I still want "us" more than ever.
The day I thought I could possibly lose you, I cried like a baby.
I remember kneeling down and praying to God to please not take you away from me.
All I could say was "Please God, please God...please."
That was probably one of the hardest days of my life.
But it just made me love you more, it made me appreciate you more.
I kept thinking of all the things I took for granted, like just laying next to you in bed.
I promised myself that I would never take anything for granted ever again in my life.
I just want my baby back....baby come back to me.

Robert,
I will continue to respect what you want, even if it's really hard. I still wont give up on you or on us. I still love you more than ever. I don't know what's going on between us, I don't know why you're being so cold, but I pray to God that we will overcome this. You truly are the love of my life and I pray that you still feel the same. I'll be here...waiting for you.
Always yours,
Candace.

I don't know what caused me to be this way.
It could have been the abandonment I felt when my father went away.
It could have been the way my heart's been broken before.
It could have been, anything.
I don't like this side of me.
I don't like the way I panic when I feel like you're mad at me.
My palms begin to sweat, my heart races, and I feel really anxious.
I always find the constant need to be reassured of your love for me.
That's not your fault.
My best guess is that, the love I feel for you is so unfamiliar to me.
It's something I've definitely never felt before.
It's strong and passionate.
It's the love I prayed for.
You're the man of my dreams.
So...when I feel things are just "not right" or a little on edge, I lose myself in a pool of emotions.
Emotions that I wear on my sleeve.
Emotions that cause you to begin to resent me.
Emotions that are just too much too handle sometimes, I know that.
I wish I wasn't like this.
I wish I didn't lose myself when I feel like I'm about to lose you.
Remember when I said I was damaged goods....maybe this is what I meant.
I'm sorry that you've had to endure this from me.
I'm sorry that I've irritated you to the point of resentment.
I recognize my faults completely.
My intentions has always been good, I promise.
My intentions have always been to love you in the best way I can, to support you in any situation, and to NEVER give up.
I'm not perfect, I'm neurotic...when it comes to love.

*I love you with every bit of my heart. I pray your recovery process goes well. I pray you get back to being 100%, I know you will. Please know that I will always be there for you. I love you today, tomorrow, and always.


Love,
Candace

Love is something I knew not of until you came into my life.
I never felt happiness like this.
The tingling in my heart comes from you.
The constant smile on my face comes from you.
I didn't know a man like you even existed.
You shook me baby.
But here's the thing, I'm damaged goods.
My heads all over the place and I could be insecure.  
I'll yell, catch an attitude, and sometimes drive you up the wall.
But, I promise I'm worth it.
I'm not perfect and I'll never be, but my love for you will be endless.
I'll love you on every good day and bad day.
I'll love you during your frustrations and when you feel the lowest.
I'll love you now and always.
For you, the man of my dreams.