My love is an abused dog
cowering in my chest.
I guard it like a mother wronged,
pacing with unrest.

The caring hand that feeds
blocks the fist from my sight.
I know the saying I should heed,
but I can’t help this bite.

This uniform is grey
on grey on grey,
like the building too.
All walls but the fourth
are glass from the waist up,
so that any who pass this 9 by 6
can play as witness to a living painting:
Modern “Woman”
Monotony – Shipped by [REDACTED]
#D3D3D3, #808080, #262626

Relief comes in seeing
the other painting here
known only from this side of the frame.
Just beyond the asphalt
there is endless green and blue,
and once a day
the setting sun lights this side
in all the colors of my love’s bouquet.

Perfectionist I am,
but able am I not
A look inside my mind
and all you'll find is rot

True worry it may bring
to witness all this waste;
to look behind the mess
and see my living space

But worry not, dear sweet
for rain is coming soon
to wash away my past
and all the sadness too

The Spring is rolling in
along with all its age
I'll be okay again
and then I'll clean this place

There is a world in which my mind
Had never fallen blue
And of that world I often find
myself retreating to

In darkest hours this I know:
My life is what I seek
In pools of hope, my shadows grow
And light is at its peak

I long for the day when
the forest rooted in my gut
blooms once more;
when it can make something young
and beautiful
of all these dead leaves
Tell me,
when was your last Spring?
My birthday tells me it comes once a year
but nothing has been reborn
in at least ten
It's all rot
and rot may give life,
but only to maggots and
fear and
the shadow horrors that
lurk in abandoned parking lots
No hope grows here

I'm feeling a little broken recently
My mind is a little too foggy
Like my heart is a little too gray
Like, maybe, this isn't quite right

I'm feeling like I already knew this
That denial is a hell of a thing
It's easy to pretend in the summer
It's easy to forget how bad it can be

There is something to be said about
the false comfort found in warm weather

The sun knows the perfect way to
make the storm clouds seem a little softer
How to make moonlit nights a little less lonely
How to make the future shine a little brighter

But the comfort of summer is fading now
and everything is a daunting shade of grey

I have never been fond of winter
and she has never been kind to me

Here we stand on the cliffs edge
The precipice of destruction, my hand in yours
and yours in his and his wrapped around his bleeding heart
If you fall, I fall
This is where we learn strength and our true will to live
Not some "we can survive this" *******
"We can make it if we just hold on"
No, I want to live
Not passively coast by until the wound is too infected to fight back
I want to fight back
We will turn our backs on the eve of our eternity,
look the monsters in their face and say *******
Swallow their hatred and let it mutate and boil in our guts,
pulling forth a cry so raw and primordial
our ancestors will wake to lend their spirit
Whisper in our ears secrets of war times
long forgotten by everything except the earth
Hope and peace and treaties do not make for a winning team
unless the cause is for everything to stay same
No one listens to a "soft please" or notices a downcast frown
**** them with kindness was a term created to keep us silent
and passive
and our arrows aimed at our own hearts
Bullies have existed since the beginning of time
and three night rebellions will never win our safety back
but neither will silence
And I've seen a lot more come of riots
than from mumbled prayers to gods who might not exist
and wouldn't care anyway
There's a time for revolution - for fighting back
You have to pick your battles in this world, so I'm picking them all
and I say the time is now
If we fall, we fall,
but we will fall with our knuckles bloodied
and band-aids on our hearts
And if we fall, I'm taking some of them with me