I promised myself I would not write to you again.
But how can I? Barely breathing with the weight of your shadow upon me, I can't help but think about you.
When the thinking gets too heavy to endure, I write. I hadn't written in a long time.
But howcome everytime you come around I just get a desperate need to write about you, and only you?
And over all, why do you keep coming around? I mean nothing to you and I suppose you thought you didn't mean to me too.
Maybe now you know. And maybe now you will never come back around. And as sad as this makes me, I can't do anything about it. I will never allow myself to call you or search for you. I will think about you and how I miss you and how I miss your smile, your voice, your touch. But then again I will have to force myself to remember how I hate what you do to me, how I hate what you do to her, how I hate all of your lies and how I am just sick of the bad person you act like you are.
There is the problem: I know you're just pretending. Deep down your heart is huge, and although your hunger for women is insatiable, I prefer to believe that you lie simply out of instinct.
You've been hurt and you have loved. You know what it feels like. Even so, you keep hurting people who care about you.
I never gave you a reason to treat me in any way other than the way you do, like I don't deserve nothing.
But I gave you my most sincere words, thoughts and confessions. I opened up my heart to you and so did you. This got lost somewhere between your myriad of lies, but I know it existed at some point.
As hard as it is to admit, I let you into my heart. Silently, so not you or anyone would notice. Maybe not even me.
It's hard to admit, but I'm just trying to forget.
I'm writing to let it out.

I hope you're happier in her arms.

Dear daddy,
would you please
let mommy go?

I am trying to understand what is it that makes me want to be with you every once in a while. Or all the time. Maybe it's strange because you caught me by surprise. Maybe it's strange because I had rarely (had I ever?) seen it happen to me. Whatever it might be, I decided to let it happen. So it can flow or sink, even if it brings me with. What's the use of running forever? I just want to feel your hands on mine and the stroke of them against my spine. I want to kiss you and make love to you and make each and every time the best that there has ever been. It's good and feels right to be with you. And I have no shame. I can talk about anything. It is as if the whole world is on hold while we're locked in a room. I see you and I breathe you. I swallow you and drown into you and let myself be so much to you, and only you, that I completely forget that I have to be for me too. What's the matter? I don't know if I am, but I know that I feel safe in your arms. And I don't mind: I want to jump on your open arms and feel they close around me. I want your nose on my head and I want to hear your voice whispering how much you love the smell of my hair. I want the little things, all of the little things that make us who we are. I want to open my heart and I want you to open yours too. I want and I need to help you to heal. You need to learn to let go. You need to accept that it was not your fault. You need to know you can and you need to know you deserve. You will: I promise. Beethoven and Bach sounded perfect with you, but nothing will ever sound better than the perfect and full of words silence we share after we both - and at the same time - reached our biggest pleasure.

I don't know why,
But you took me by surprise.
I was mesmerized with everything that was happenning all the time
And all around,
But all, all I could think of
Was you.

Your hands on me,
Your voice telling me things
Nobody else knew.
And I'm trying to let you know
What I could never tell.

I can't -
If I do,
You will hurt me.
I don't
Want
To lose you.

Not just now
Not when it's all just so raw...

Your hands touched me for the first time
And I felt like it was the thousandth.
How could you know my body like that?
Why was your heart racing when I placed my head on your chest?

I floated
And dreamt of you.
Did you dream of me too?

I have a friend.
I think most of us do.
My friend is not like any friend I have ever seen.
My friend cries when he holds me and looks me in the eyes as he says "I love you more than everything".
He does love me more than everything.
I can't remember ever seeing so much love in someone's eyes.
Except maybe my mother.
My friend has two little planets on his face. His planets are the place where I see his love.
His planets look at me and when they do I feel extremely embarrassed.
I don't want him to look into my planets and discover something that I am unaware of.
He knows.

If I let you hold me
For a little longer than you should
Will you want
(And want a thousand times)
To simply
Tenderly
Hold me?