When I look at things I used to care about
(And I suppose I still do care about them,
In a way I could never be able to explain),
And feel nostalgia
For my old feelings;
For the way I felt about you,
I think of sitting unhappily
In the corner of the room,
Trying to read God's words
(But my tears blur them),
And I look up to see you there
You're still there
(You're always there),
And you sigh at me,
Not knowing how you feel
Because how could you possibly?
I make a face at you through my tears
Because I am brave
And I want to lose myself in making you happy
(Not only because I'm told it will make me happy)
But also because I genuinely and sincerely
Want you to be okay
Because I cannot imagine the way
You must be feeling
And all I do know is that
You are the sweetest thing,
Coming up to me and trying to make me feel okay
And we comfort one another
In an effort to feel okay.
Before I can ever truly feel upset
You're making me feel better
And I know that humiliation and self-hate
Have no power on me
When I feel the love God has for me
And for you.

They say if you want to know
Where your heart is,
Look what's on your mind
When it wanders.
I wonder where your heart is.
I wonder if,
When you lie under your blankets at night,
You think of me.
I know that's where you'll always be;
In my heart,
Tucked snugly into my thoughts.
Lately I've been busying myself
With other things.
For the first time since we began,
I've been focusing on other things.
Before, I'd physically be in class,
Or in dance lessons,
Or eating dinner,
But mentally, I was with you.
Now, for the first time in a long time,
I'm forcing myself to mentally be
Where I physically am,
Because the less I think of you,
The less I hurt.

This morning I lay in bed for hours.
And thought about you, for hours.
My mind helplessly wandered
As I reminisced each of our memories.
How did it all end?
Though it's over now,
Things never fully ended for me.
I still want you.
I still need you.
I still think about you.
I'd still do anything for you.

Sometimes I wonder
If it hasn't really ended for you either,
Though you said it did.
Sometimes I get physically ill
Because I miss you so much.
I go through withdrawals,
Like a drug addict.
Don't you miss me, dear?
At all?
I don't know how it could be over
So easily for you,
Especially since
Nothing ever really went wrong.

I know that my heart is with you.
I know that now.
And I hope with all of my heart
That one day I'll find
That your heart is with me too.

I miss you dearly
And I want to kiss you
As badly as the sun
Wishes to kiss the horizon
When it sets.