If anyone is asking,
I remember being buried under bushes of leaves,
Arms outstretched,
Reaching for streams of dappled light.
I remember the glimpse of moon in his galactic eyes -

But we bend toward the light that heals us.
So when I felt the pull of a greater tide,
I gasped aloud and shifted sides,
meristems beaming for softer light.

Marry me.
I've longed for you so long,
My fingertips swell
As they reach for something
Untouchable.
Marry me.
I'm shedding dreams
Like the leaves
On my ginseng tree.
Marry me.
As the quiet months pass by,
My eyes droop;
I fall fast asleep.
Marry me.

"Its a long story."
A story that is only his and mine
Unspoken under covers,
Hiding under the lid
Of an empty bottles of pills.

"He didn't mean to",
A mantra I don't trust
But remind myself
When my eyes are closed.
He is mine, and I am his.
He tells me I am important to him,
That I mean something
So when he tells me,
Voice trembling over the phone,
"It didn't happen,"
I stay on the line.

The first of April;
The epitome of spring.
I see the life unfold around me,
I feel the dewy green below.

For a moment
There's a skip in the tape,
And I see scraggly branches
Break up the sky like cracks in the pavement;
White, twiggy claws
Scratch at the Celestial,
Begging for air.

I feel the oxygen seep out
Through my dry, wintry skin.
I become the branches,
Scratching for life.

The first of April.
A raindrop greets me at my nose.
My eyes turn up to the Celestial,
I see the life unfold around me,
I feel the dewy green below.

And oh, the leaves on the trees
And oh, the leaves on the trees
I feel myself breathe,
And oh, the leaves on the trees

I believe in keeping my eyes closed.
For when the pain is uncovered,
And starts to seep in
When the secrets are whispered
By paper and pen
When the nightmares arise
In monsters and men,
I can look at each wound
And close up the skin
I can lock up my safe,
Whisper "never again".

I wanted to show you kindness
Because nobody else did,
But you will always be
The case I couldn't solve,
The problem I couldn't fix.
In a lifetime from now
When the issues are just a list,
I won't think of the million ways
You couldn't love me.

I'll think of the million ways
You did.

Teach my nerve endings to breathe,
That it doesn't always have to be
Static shouts from one anxiety
To another.

Teach me to set my palm on my chest,
That the warmth that fills my body
Can be enough.

Teach me that it's okay to whisper,
That I shouldn't have to scream
To be noticed,
To be loved.