We've been through so much together,
The bad as well as good.
As well as all the memories,
We've got tangled within the mud.

The quicksand begins to trap us,
The lies, the cheat and hate.
But even though you've tore me,
I still believe its fate.

I do not regret meeting you,
That coldest month, December.
Although so much has happened,
I can still quite clearly remember,
That laughter and twinkle in your eye,
The silliest memories made,
Since then our hands our tied,
And our love still remains.

I will not ever forget you,
As that is impossible, I swear.
But when you need a helping hand,
I am always there.

I will be your shoulder,
As well as your girlfriend and your best friend,
And as our journey together continues,
Our hearts will begin to mend.

I'm scared to resort to that release of pain,
The type that sheds away my skin.

I'm scared to sleep on my own at night,
As the emptiness of the loneliness covers me.

I'm scared to be without the one i love,
The only individual with the power to break me.

I'm scared of everything in life,
Because everything in life can destroy me.

Temptation.
I needed to feel it again.
Urge.
To help me to erase.
Craving.
To stop my mind concentrating on the thought of you.

I wanted to feel the sharpness again,
Tearing apart the untouched tissue upon my arm.
Blood begins to bubble from the fresh new wounds,
A deep dark red that represents my anger, and my overpowering sadness.

The stinging pain overcomes me,
Allowing me to forget,
All that pain you made me feel,
That pain you don't regret.

'Just one more'
I tell myself.
But I continue to keep slashing at my skin.
Soon enough the pain evaporates,
And I eventually become numb.
Numb with sadness and shame.

The room begins to blur,
As more tears form in my eyes.
I glance down to see the damage I've caused,
The deep wounds filled with memories that haunt me in the darkness.
My body is overwhelmed with guilt.

That is my temptation.
To stop myself from thinking of you.
But if you could see the pain you've caused,
And the scars of proof that are visible on my arms,
That I dishonorably and humiliatingly cover underneath my clothing,
Would you regret all that suffering you put me through?
Or would you turn a blind eye in disbelief?

Which I know is what you'd rather do.

I wish to feel your presence.
I wish to feel your touch.
I wish to see your angelic face.
I wish to see the matured adult you've grown to be.

I wish that we weren't parted.
I wish that you weren't took so young.
I wish that you had a chance, one you deserved.
One I would have given everything for.

I wish I could appreciate the world that surrounds me.
I wish I could see the beauty of it.
But what is beauty when such a cruel thing has happened?

They tell me you’re an angel,
One who had to be set free.
But all I hope and wish for,
Is that you’re looking over me.

For even if your existence may not be seen,
I know, my dear sister, you’re with me.
Over the clouds, past the sunlight,
You’re watching with granddad,
The life that I must lead.

I thought I understood it.
The way the world operated.
The safety and compassion,
The darkness, the secrets and the fears.

I thought I knew myself,
I thought I knew my body.
My bones, my shapes, my figure.
But I did not soon realise this could change.

I thought I knew our passion and devotion,
And the way we were attached when we loved.
But the sensation brought consequences,
And so did I.

I soon imaged the rhythm of the heartbeat for the first time.
I soon imagined that grasp on my forefinger.
I soon imagined the love I felt.
I soon imaged the struggles, the loss and the hate I’d face.

I soon imagined destruction,
The disappearance.
With just two swallows it would be gone for good,
And the fight would be over.


But I never wanted to face that choice,
I wanted to hold the delicate youngster in my arms.
I wanted to protect them from the horrors of the world.
But this was not likely.

I began to question all the possibilities and outcomes,
But no other have sprung to mind.
For I thought I understood myself and the universe,
But I've been left scared and confused.
But what could be worse than living with guilt.

I thought I understood it, but I did not.

The urgency to escape,
The agony of the pain.
My eyes tired, worn out and sore,
From the countless tears I cried.

I looked around desperately,
Grabbing the only thing in sight.
Tears crawling down my face,
Deeper. Deeper. Deeper.
Redness trickled,
Stinging sensations burst.

I glare into the mirror,
Scowling at my reflection.
My eyes drawing towards the deep scar,
That seems eternally engraved into my arm.