it was a
kiss at the stoplight
kinda love
except,
without the love

whenever
they ask why
i am
the way that
i am
all i do
is tell
our love story,
the saddest one
i've ever told.

I read recently that
90% of a girls' identity
comes from the words
of her father.
Maybe that's why I am
the way that I am.

90% empty.

I go to church
every Sunday morning,
every Wednesday night.
Ever since I was
just a toddler.
They teach you about
Adam and Eve,
Noah's Ark,
and Jonah in the whale.
They don't teach you
about what to do
when you're handed a drink,
asked for answers on a test,
or smiled at by the new boy with sandy brown hair.
The world has turned
"the devil" into
red horns,
a pitchfork,
and an evil smile.
I believe,
if this book of stories
really is true,
that he still looks like
an angel.
He's in disguise
so that we can never
even tell the difference.
Maybe that's why
our bad decisions
look like good decisions
before we decide to do them.

I hated
what you did to me
for so **** long
But here I am
doing the same thing
to someone else
So tell me...
how can I
hate you
without also
hating myself

Ever heard the saying our lives are written in the stars? I don't believe it. I believe we aren't alone. We are in control of our lives. We can change the grave that was dug for us. We make an impact. Even in small ways. Every life is relevant. No matter how big or small. I'm going to rewrite the stars. Because I'm tired of not fighting for the things I want or believe in. I just let go if I get it in my head that it's impossible or that it will fail. That it's written in the stars. But I'm rewriting the stars. They think it's easy. But there are still days where I think about things. Where I still want to run to somebody I cant. Days, where I think I cant, rewrite my stars. But I can. I'm going to.
--text from my brother at 11:46 p.m.