I wish you understood as much as you think you do
Maybe then I wouldn't break down quite as much
You know what happened, the baseline of my insanity
But I want you to know how I feel towards the boy who dropped me, my ex-best friend, and the one I'm in love with
I want you to understand
everything that's going on in my head
The way it spins when I remember the details of last weekend
The way it pounds when I see them together
The way it screams when the same thing happens to me over and over again
But how could you understand
If I'm being honest, I don't even understand myself
I don't know how to prevent my sob fests
I'm not sure why I let it all get to me
But I do
It eats me from the inside out and I know I can't be the only one
So why do I feel so alone?
Throw a punch,
Shove me around,
Cut me deep.
Physical pain is better than emotional
You can't fix what's throwing your body off guard with a **** band-aid
It'd be easier to fix a bullet wound with one
This generation is so messed up
Everyone's hurting and nobody's willing to help
It takes a tv show for people to realize that there are others hurting more than you
And everyone's first reaction is to be mean, to tear you apart
I just can't stand it anymore
Don't tell me it'll be different
That only time will tell
I've heard it a million times and it's all a big lie
The same thing will happen over and over and over again
Like a broken record, if you even know what that is anymore
She's always going to bully me
And the fears always going to be with me
He's always going to treat me like I'm nothing
And I'm always going to let him
She's always going to stab me in the back
And I'm always going to pretend like I don't notice
And ten years from now I'll look back and realize that I was right
The same thing happened again and again just with different faces
I miss her
I need him
I crave you
I just want unconditional love and a decent nights sleep
Is that really too much to ask?

ask me.
ask me why I believe in you
the way that I do.
stronger then you've ever known
and stronger then you'll ever feel again.
you don't understand.
i dare you, just ask me.
i'll tell you how brave you are.
how strong, kind, generous.
how you could move the mountains
and conquer the sun.
i believe in you because you're independent.
you do what you want without a care in the world.
because you take that leap of faith
even when no one else will.
and for all those reasons and more,
i not only believe in you,
i also love you.
more and more every ******* day.

i just want you to know what it feels like to have your veins drenched in loneliness and your heart pounding with insecurities.

i'm lying here
in my bed
trying to forget you
but i'm finding
that it's impossible
when the only thing
i know how to do
is crave you

how can I tell her
that it's not always worth it
slipping under sheets with him
late at night

how can I tell her
that it's not always the truth
what you see standing
in the reflection of the mirror

how can I tell her
that buying another pack
and smoking another stick
isn't going to save her

how can I tell her
she'll one day stop
hopelessly loving him
the way she does now

how can I tell her
putting her mouth around
another bottle is just her
making another mistake

how can i tell her
crushing another pill
and snorting another line
won't silence the demons in her head

how can I tell her
all these oh so simple things
when truthfully I'm not so sure
I can believe them myself

i tried to make you understand
that i am nothing like her.
but you only knew her name.
so I turned to leave.
only then did you learn
what my name feels like
in your mouth.