My eyes, they wander like a monarch in summer
And I guess I do understand
But the lovergirl in me,
Wishes faithfully,
To do right by your shaking hands

I tried to say aloud,
I love you and I'm proud,
I suppose skin-to-skin it's true
But when I'm out and all alone,
I'm looking for the best,
When all I should see is you

And I know what they say,
You feel it when it comes
Maybe I will never know
My silver heart clangs,
Fighting with my brain
On whether I should stay or go

Im trying to figure out if I'll ever feel as raw with anyone as I did with him. Even now, I'm so happy, and treated so well, and I'm attracted and immersed and even growing attached, but I've yet to feel the ache. I don't feel moved like the turning tide like how he made me. I'm not turned inside out, but I'm wondering if that's okay, if that's a good thing, if I've just never known peacefully pure love and I'm just used to being torn apart and confused and on fire with inconsistency. Part of me misses that, part of me says that when I feel the rolling drop again is when I will again know love, but I can't trust that as the honest truth.

Maybe real love is not splattered all over the walls. Maybe it is soft orange, glowing and caressing the ceiling, the floors, the window. Maybe it's different with every two individual people, like different colors make their own colors in turn.
I'm just always stuck in the middle, feeling like I know and feeling like I don't. Knowing... do you really know when you know? It's like I have five fragments of heart and they all want something different. There I go again, talking, talking.

I wish I wasn't so vindictive,
I wish I wasn't so into hurting,
Then kissing
One small slip, I'm in a cold sweat
Waiting with a knife,
Ready for the lies,
All I know is things missing
Never the one,
Or just having fun,
You'll have to talk me through it, I'm shaking
Always on the edge,
Painted blue and red

I can't breathe anymore
Than I already have with you
I can't find any more
Reasons why,
To stay here and fight with you
You're too far to pull in tight
But close enough for a crushing goodbye
Well god knows I've tried,
I guess this happens with you all the time

I don't know a ton, but I do know the truth
The good girl in me is the bad girl in you
So I'll take your hand,
And show you what to do
An open window
The middle seat in the very best row
The only time that being quiet is fun
Such a good scene,
They'd bet their luck for another one

Firefly I had hoped to catch,
A light in a bottle, I'd dreamt like mad
I want what I've lost and destroy what I have
And you found love in a flower patch
Tending to delicate,
Like you know so well
Its late and I've found my unafraid self,
You were there to water the ground
Don't be restless, don't wish for rain
There's still a drought in this gorgeous place

I just hope how I feel will stay the same,
Once you're here, and we're laying by the beach
Once summertime is the backdrop for you and me
With you I don't compare,
To the past or present, men in my dreams
You know I have a way of making things seem
Like the long-time-coming fate I need

I just hope how I look, and the way you look at me,
Matches and glows, baby we'd be
Just like warm sand all over the streets
Red and gold,
There by the beach