I haven’t written to you in a while because my pen ran out of ink. It’s my favorite pen because it’s your favorite color. And I was scared if I didn’t use it, you might not know who it was from.
And when I was in the shower this morning the water was cold and it made me think of the time we wanted to stay up all night so I took twelve cold showers.
It’s hard to have your heart break every day.
It’s funny because seeing your face makes my heart break but I smile.
Maybe I don’t want you to know.
You hated it when I cried, I knew it annoyed you because you got those thick lines on your forehead that didn’t go away for hours. You tried to laugh but it came out like a choking sound. Like my tears made you gag.
I try to be strong like you and copy the way you walk and talk because part of me believes I can be you. Because being you was all I ever wanted. It was so much better then me.
I have to buy a new lamp today because I turned mine on last night and it caught on fire. I don’t know how that happened all I know is that my lamp is broken and I’m eight dollars short.
The trees outside aren’t as green anymore. I can smell rain on my porch. The clouds are gray and my violin’s music is dull. My fingers forgot how to play.
I never wanted to say goodbye but I hope one day I can let you go.

The momentary images he kept flickering continually

Emanating and enclosing the grained world

All I could see was his right hand, held still, his body rising and disappearing so rapidly

His line, the halo of himself, appearing cast and steadied

I visualized the momentary rising of the memory they had retained

And it left around the parted rainbow and became rays of the sun

Skimming hard and low below the blue

The current above the wind was always there

Sometimes I would see him wake

Smashed into the crevice of himself

And I would let it touch where he had kept

He turned inches and lowered his strength

Bodies twisting forming fitting
Silent shiver slipping fingertips
There is nothing you can say to push that heart away
There is only the wind and the moonlight and the stars and ourselves
stretching filling breathing sighing
Empty and vast and the colors fill our eyes until we are drunk of them
Our air is caught between our lungs in the sky
somewhere mysterious and behemothic and dark
And the taste of each other on our lips makes us smile

I believe I believe I believe

I have been dreaming of the sky all my life
And now I can see it in your eyes
There are moons and stars and universes and it scares me
Because it makes me small
It makes me nothing

You hate that there is something broken in my smile
And even if you don't say it
it kills you inside
When I turn my cheek I see the slip in your grace and the twitch in your fists
Because I know you can see through me
And it kills you inside

I swim in the ocean of your eyes
And I feel the cool water drip down my throat and your touch
And you brush the scars away
Until I am whole

I do not want to move. I have nothing left but the rag tied around your waist and the ash in my eyes. We are not afraid to die. We hold guns and call ourselves angels of mercy but we will die fighting for Him. One by one we let the silver fly and it crashes through the walls and the children scream and the voices outside say it is nothing but how can that be?
We will die for him.
We have all been blind. He is the one who warned us and nobody else would listen. Here it comes again with the silver and the scars and the blood running down the rivers until there is nothing left but the bleeding land.
They fight us with noise and smoke and empty words that mean nothing nothing nothing.
What about the women? There are women and children here.
But they do not want to leave.
There is nothing left to do here.
The smoke fills the rooms and threads through the holes in the walls until there is nothing but a gray sheet of violence and hate and understanding.

In the end...we do not really need to see what's in front of us.
it is remotely what is behind us that defines the strength of our end.

You first.
We can end together.

Hold my hand, my child.