It feels selfish to say
But I wish you would pick me
But my gut tells me you won't

I don't tell you this
I couldn't if I tried
Because I want you to be happy

And you're happy with her
So that's okay
I'm used to the sadness

I don't write this to make you feel guilty
I don't write this because I'm jealous
I write this because I care about you

Love is not a drug
Because that would imply that
Love is a bad thing

He will come home tonight
Full of wine, his friends, and steak,
And gently 'wake'
Sleep faking me.
He'll be loving,
Vocal, animated, demonstrative,
He'll want to talk.
Apologetic, clumsy, sweet,
I will meet
My love again,
With a smiling snuggle,
And an indulgent, happy kiss.

His dreamcatcher
*caught my attention

He took my wrist
and asked
why I always had
an elastic band around it
I said it showed
that I was ready for the unexpected
He laughed
and kissed me

What I didn't tell him was
that my little sister
once ran away
and because of her loosened hair
she didn't see
the abyss

Everyone could love you
But you wouldn't care
You don't love yourself

They could think you were beautiful
But it doesn't matter
To you, the scars say something else

They could think you were happy
But they'd be wrong
They can't see past your practiced smile

They can't see inside you
Where everything is dark
*And the disease controls your every move