The wind is a scream
tonight
or a quick breath
upon the solid lip
of the quarter-filled wine glass.
It haunts the eaves
of my empty house,
stalks the corners of my loneliness.

This bedroom is a recurring scene
well-worn and moth-eaten-
the cat flickering in the lamplight;
the plants climbing the walls
in search of a light;
the sharp click of the furnace
as bitter cold December
creeps in over the windowsill.

Familiar, familial,
like the dichotomy of flesh
and a mind with sharp edges;
of soft sun kissed curves
and this brittle winter heart.

I stand ankle deep
in the cool, rushing river
and watch the minnows
kissing my toes
with starlight quickness,
licking for some sort of
sustenance.

I listen to the siren song
of the forest,
slow and verdant
like the echo of fronds
unfurling delicately
in the mottled sunlight
and aching with longing.

I let the shadows move
through me,
leaving a human shaped
space
where maybe once
there beat a slow heart
lazily trickling blood
through intricate maps
of veins and capillaries.

I let the water rush past me
and I think of hands
folding and unfolding
and flowers wilting
and rejoining the dirt
in a poetic display
of circularity.

Time oozes forward
with a finite smirk,
leaving a lucent film
of memories
that haunt me,
of smiles that are
lost to me.

There is laughter now,
ringing eerily
amongst the trees
like a foreign language
in a land of silence
and shadow creatures.

The river runs through me
and I am paralyzed
by the singularity
of this moment.

I do not belong here*
my mind whispers
in repetitive strokes
as my hands falter
and the words tumble
over my broken lips.

The atmosphere is
sticky and stifling,
squeezing all of the pure air
out of my paper bag lungs
in hot pursuit of this
singular weakness
that flickers and expands
inside my ladder chest.

The love of it all
is killing me,
slowly and with meticulous
precision.

The mourning doves
cooing their last regrets,
the poplar trees rattling
their soft lamentations,
the wind caressing
my neck upon a
sun strewn precipice-

all of it has never meant more
than a lonesome swelter
of emotions that press
and spill through the
cracks in my facade.

The flowers that reach
and bend for me
in misty golden dawns,
the endless sea
like molten metal
in the moonlight,
all of it, all of it,
wasted as it flows
through my fingertips

and I dream of floating
face down for
eternity,
where a smile
might mean something
more.

I do not fit
between straight lines
and words that twinge
metallic and cold
as they strike notes
upon my open mind
and upturned palms.

I do not fit between
cities that shriek,
burning inexplicably
and wide open spaces
that stretch repetitively
on past your periphery.

I do not fit between
envelope folds
and crisp little notes,
crying at all the indecisiveness
of my worn edges.

I do not fit between
blue skies that mean nothing,
and a white hot sun
burning holes in it,
overexposing this bleached
and silent landscape.

I do not fit between
tightly packed cubicles
and hungry eyes.

My body moves about
with marionette precision
as the mind screams
with contempt
cool and sharp as glass,
white hot and fleeting,
lustfully arcing
into a shadow of identity.

I am still learning
how to be gentle and kind
in a world that is not mine,
where the flowers sway
in fields of golden solemnity
and the trees shake like a word
that wants to be said.

I am still learning
how to live in a place
where knowledge is but
a means to an end;
a point on the map
to be forgotten once you've
crossed into the blissful ignorance
of suburban accomplishment.

I am still learning
how to look at a sunrise
and feel more than this
transient melancholy
at a beauty that is held alone.
The thoughts that bloom
in exultance just to be borne
lie waiting, ripe with discontent
at the threshold of a room
where no one speaks the language.

in dreams we split
like atoms,
heaving out words
that seek truth
and glances
like knives.
funny little things
float behind my eyelids
as though
they have a right.

hazy sunlight
seeps in through
his basement window
and my mossy eyes
flicker and expand,
stealing shadows
of his sleeping form-
there is truth
in freckles and
pale blue veins
that twists and sings
until I'm tongue tied
leaning on a syllable.

we make love
like thieves,
hanging delicate
ideas from the ceiling
to clear a space
in his king sized bed
for something more,

for something real-
it flows through my veins
and drips from my fingers,

something like love.

spring seeps in
with great grey rains
and a shifting sun
that could try harder.

small things whisper
and rush to hide
beneath rotting wood
and ancient bricks,
squirming there
in soil that keeps
and breathes life
in April.

green shoots glance
tentatively through
hazy morning light,
pushing through
earthworms and detritus
to gift me one
small wink
as I brush the earth
from my human hands.

it is a great exchange
from the vast frozen sheets
of glittering death
and pale winter sun
into the world of the living.
it is an awakening
of sleeping seeds
and tendrils

and it is more like
a rebirth,
as my limbs stretch
and bloom with the trees
and a quiet smile once again
comes to rest
on this gratuitous
winter face.