I should be afraid
I guess I forgot
Perhaps I think I'm worthy
And somehow she's not
See, I swear I saw tomorrow
And no one's seen it since
But who knows
Maybe that's arrogance

Oh sweet ambition
It gives as it takes
These compromising positions
Make higher the stakes
So here's to wishing
I still know you the best of them all
Sweet ambition
I don't want to lead you on

You can't take away my pride
Because I hold it in my hands
You can't take me by surprise
Because I still don't have a plan
But it's sure when you go your way
That I'll go your way too
No such time to let you wonder what I would do

Oh sweet ambition
It gives as it takes
These compromising positions
Make higher the stakes
So here's to wishing
I still know you the best of them all
Sweet ambition
I'm sorry I led you on

I put your hat on my head
It made me feel closer to you
From across that room
It was you and I
And nobody knew
But they all knew

We used silly excuses to bridge the gap
The gap that kept me safe
The empty space
Full of everyone else
Where the party was happening
So no one would know
But they all knew

And oh god, I overdressed
Not in a **** way
In a too many layers way
And I decided to take off my sweater
Attempting to disarray my face
From the disarray I felt
And because it's arrogant to think so
I told myself no one noticed
But they did
Ha
And I knew it

And we took our sweet time
We let the alcohol move us
It always moved me the same direction
Your moves mirroring mine
And that was all I needed
So we didn't stop to take notice
We just knew
Everyone did

And then we could finally touch
Nothing too fancy
It was enough to share space
Our excuses built up high around us
An appropriate illusion
Protecting us from ourselves
So we wouldn't have to talk about the truth
That everyone else could
That strangers often did
That we would casually shrug away
But we knew
And they did too

It's a shame that it came down to that night
Because there was someone else watching you
Someone you used to love
Someone who loved you still
Someone whose composure was now mine
Left under my watchful eye
Someone I'd rather not have known
Especially that night

And it really wasn't fair
The way you could ignore it
The way you left it all up to me
That you wouldn't share in this too
That you left me alone with her
It wasn't fair

And if she hadn't been there that night
Waiting for her end
Not ready for it yet
If I hadn't been there
That night
Compromised by empathy
Looking at you and understanding how bad it could hurt
How awful it would be
To be her instead of me
It would have been different
Another night and it would have been different
And they all knew that
They could all see
But you didn't

And I think you felt betrayed
That I wouldn't give you my emotion
The emotion you knew I had
The emotion we built walls for
Because you had it too
But I couldn't
And you knew
But you didn't know why

And the connection broke that night
The connection was all we had
We broke it with all the things we didn't say
And we knew it was silly
And we still didn't speak

I hope it was pain not pride
And I hope you regret it
Like I do
It could have been different
It was just that night
And everyone saw it
And they all knew
But no one saved us
From ourselves

Only if I wasn't wrong
Content would keep me all day long
And never let me sing my song
Only if I wasn't wrong

Only if I didn't know
The many places not to go
I'd let them be at all alone
Only if I didn't know

Only if I couldn't see
The consequence of loyalty
The death of you
The death of me
Only if I couldn't see

Only if it wasn't so
I'd grab your wrist and drag you home
And wash away the things you know
Only if it wasn't so

Only if we were not slaves
To feelings as we are to days
It all would shape in different ways
Only if we were not slaves
Only if we couldn't see
You'd be with you
And me with me
Only if
If only...

We are two pointed objects
Choosing to collide
In a space made up of blood and fear
And double homicide
And it's only for the moment
We'll look back on years from now
And reminisce
On how we're so much wiser from it all
That's my moment 40 years from now

A foolish angry word
Could be the one to bring us down
And it's an awful situation
When you're the criminal somehow
You think you're so big
Because you stand so tall
But with talk that big
You must feel so small
In that moment I can understand it all

We build our lives
Without knowing when
Every move a concrete block
We don't want to lift again
And the ones we love
Who we're chasing after now
They either fall our of favor
Or become the ones we talk about

So we'll go back to where we started
Turning how we are today
That little moment when we shifted towards our
Certain kinds of ways
And we'll be carrying our insight
To how it all turns out
So we can hold onto those pieces
We don't want to live without
It's a moment we can only dream about

Cause we're just two pointed objects
Choosing to collide
In a space where so much weighs on
All the things that we decide
And it's only for the moment
Where we abandon what me may
Throw our heads back in laughter
And regret the things we say
Imagine where the night could go
Imagine every way

In that moment we are unafraid
In that moment we remember yesterday

What do you do when your heart's not home
I get real small
And take to things like going around on my own
Reaching for something to help me remember
And hoping that I might get left behind

Fighting the truth with empty anger
Missing the point of the lesson
That I preach to every other person around
Falling in love with wrong ideas
And knowing it's all just a Catch 22 in the end

So at the end of a never ending hour
Day beside another day
I hope that you gave all your love away

I reach in my hat but the trick's not there
So my fingers pretend they can learn a little magic
By grasping at the empty air
I want to be more substantial than science says I am
But I can only seem to make things happen when I'm lacking a plan

So at the end of a never ending hour
Day beside another day
I hope that you gave all your love away

Wrong ain't wrong until I say it's so
And if you find our father let him know
We've all got a book of notions inside our heads

But nothing's enough when you're trying no to end up dead
And nothing's enough when you want the whole world instead

I did it
Just to show you I could
You said that I wouldn't
I promised I would
And now I'm questioning what it was for
See, I don't get to see your smile anymore

You always pick fights I know you will lose
I'd give you the win
But they're not mine to choose
As you place bets
I ready my hands
And somehow it's my fault you're less of a man

You think I could love you a little bit more
You want me to do it by offsetting the score
But truth is my love
I'll never amount
The truth is my love
I've never kept count

And willing the word that beats us in two
There's only so much
That I'm willing to do
The truth is my dearest, it's only the truth
It has nothing to do with me
Or with you

What in opposition
We now share in pride
The conflict in us is you're wrong
And I'm right
If you got off your tiptoes then you could be king
But you quote Hemingway like you know what he means

I don't aim to hurt you
Not ever
At all
I resent that you think me so sad and small
That the quarters and dimes
Are the words we exchange
That the fury and passion
Are part of a game

Is this what love is?
Do you let me win?
And if it's in question
Did it begin?
And if it began
And didn't stay true
What else can we do?

I'm afraid of waking slowly
And of the laces on my shoes
Of all the necessary evils
That stall me from the truth
So are the answers in adrenaline
Or in a peaceful state of mind?
Forever's going to take me by surprise

Even while I know you're right
You still can't bring me down
And even as I win the fight
I'd hoped to do it wrong
There's something more worth loving
Than a dream that's half used up
Why, forever you are quite a tricky ****

It's alarming finding questions
That had answers long ago
With no alter explanation
And no sensible control
If the years change resolution
Imagine how we lie
Forever's likely terrible with time

Every now and then

Before I turn a corner

I look back where I have been

I think of how it will never look the same again

Because moments hold their place in time

Twice is lost

But once was mine