It occurred to me today 
That the color white 
Should not represent 
Perfection 
For isn't the whole purpose 
Of paper 
 to be scribbled on?
And black 
Is not the color of death, 
despair, destruction 
It is the hope 
The faith 
That the sun will rise 
After night's peaceful keeping

I know a place
Far from this time 
That has gray skies 
Yet never rains 

I know a place 
That has just one city 
Glass windows broken 
Vines and plants smothering 
The gray cement 

I know a place 
Where there are only 
Fallen skyscrapers 
Cracked streets 

I know a place 
Where people are scared 
And huddle in the city 
To threatened to move 
Imagine it 
Mankinds whole population 
In one city 
They are Violent 
Because war reins 

I know a place 
Where gun ships replace 
Rain 
Where bombs replace 
Trees 
Where starvation replaces
Animals i once knew by name 
That are no longer 
Where food is to be fought for 
And sides to be chosen 

Yes I know this place 
I visited it in a dream 
I was on the opposing side 
In this silly game 
A member of their convenient war council 
Yet I do not know what we were called, what we fought for 
I was here in this mourning city 
By accident 
And I saw a boy that I knew 
Flying one of those gunships 
Our eyes locked, and 
Next thing I knew 
I was holding his face in my hands 
Crying, for war was indestructible 
Whispering to him, "I know you" 
And he looked at me with frightened eyes 
And said, "I wish I did" 

Yes, I know a place 
Of despair 
Of toil
Of misguided hatred for our brothers 
Our sisters
Of loss 
Of agony 
Of people so crude, so violent and twisted by fear and loss
Huddled in the Mourning City 
Where even hope isn't among their prized possessions 
Did you know 
That some don't know what the sun is? 

Yes I stay away from that place 
The Mourning City 
I wonder which is really the evil side
And travel down a hill 
Covered in grass 
Shining, lustrous, long blades of it 
Braided together in clumps 
Sand showing between them 
I sit on this hill 
And look out at an ocean 
Reflecting the gray of the sky 
But somehow transforming the gray 
Into the finest silver 
It is an ocean, yes 
But it has no waves to ruffle it 
Even the wind has fled  

 It is the only beautiful place left 
Where grass cranes float in the sky 
It used to be called origami
Borne by a wind made just for them 
I do not make these grass cranes 
Nobody does 
But the grass sitting in clumps on the hillside 
Bends and twists and folds 
Giving up it's life in the ground
To go sailing in the gray sky  
By some miracle offering up true beauty 
If only people would come and see it 

This is the place where I am truly happy 
Joyful to the point of tears 
As a crane floats down to me  
I catch it and hold it gently, this miracle the grass has folded itself into 
It reminds me of the paper cranes I played with as a child 
With a smooth, long, straigt body 
With a long tail sloping up in the back 
Pointed upwards to the sky, it's final destination 
The neck is long and slender 
The head perched atop of the neck furrowed down 
In the greatest majesty 
The wings 
Smooth and unbroken 
Wide pieces of blades melded together 
About the length of my hand 
The end adjoining the body the widest part
And blooms and tapers slowly to a point 
Like the petals in a flower 

It is beautiful and graceful, this grass crane 
I throw it back up in the air 
Watch it soar with it's comrades 
As I lay on my back 
Go to sleep 
And awake in my house 
Clinging to the memory of 
a place where I was  happy 
The place of the Grass Cranes

Behind closed eyes 
And shuttered dreams 
And barred windows 
I see the color green 
For the sea I write 

Behind iron bars 
And deathly individuality 
And ghostly thought 
I see the color white 
For the air I write 

Behind four pointed snowflakes 
And glistening ice pools 
And a hatchet clinging to the 
Frosted waves 
I see the color red 
For the fire I write 

Behind the open air 
And the dank walls 
And the endless earth 
I see the color of hope 
Blackly shining

Let's join a whistle band 
And light matches with our teeth 
Lets ask everyone when they lost track of Waldo 
Cuz I havent seen that ******* since the 10th grade 
Let's believe in all the superstitions 
A little luck is what we've been needing these days 
Lets eat sushi and climb on rooftops when we aren't supposed to 
Just so we can look at the white lights and hope that the height will give us a little clarity 
Lets ask long questions with long answers 
And know that to talk you also have to listen 
Let's watch creepy **** and wear socks with high heels 
We'll be class acts till the day we die 
Though not in the way everyone expects  
Let's spend way too much time together 
And cut through backyards in the snow 
Lets pay for our café  drinks in change 
And ask for favors because we're close 
Let's spill our guts and our laughs 
Because you're the only one who gets me 
Lets spell out words with pennies 
And decide life in ****** thrift store dressing rooms 
Let's cry and be sad 
With the promise to be happy 
And healed when the other is near 
Lets rip up t-shirts 
And change the radio in each others cars 
Let's take a million memories 
And expect the best out of life and gelato ice cream
Let's dry up flowers in the summer to look at in the winter 
And wear too many rings on our fingers 
Let's hang out with ****** 
And rent a red convertible for the summer 
Lets read books and watch Mulan
And take walks and get together just so we can nap
Lets play assassins creed 
And listen to Bon Iver (or Bone Eyever) 
And take a break from thinking too much all the time 
Lets join a whistle band 
And light matches with our teeth Because all of this has meant more to me than a million everythings

Panic races through 
In a high voltage 
Bright red jeep 
She flings past  
And crashes through 
 The doorway 
Clanging with metal 
Chains, studs 
Through her ears 
Black combat boots 
A belt slung about 
A slim waist 
She is full of 
Confusion 
Trying to make herself 
Forgive and forget 
Lying 
Convincing 
Cheating 
Persuading 
Herself 
It will 
Be 
Okay 
              Maybe? 
A tough exterior 
Leather bound with lock and ice 
A fragile shuttering 
Doubt 
Inside

Sadness came to me today 
And stared at me with shocked eyes 

Come away with me 
She said 

Her lips curving around the words 
As if chewing on broken dreams 

Fade away into the background  
Make them realize how much they've missed 
Through your silence 
And wish to have you back 
When they realize it was their fault 
Come away with me 
She said 

And I looked back at Sadness 
The skinny arms 
The glass legs 
The fragile heart 
Barely stuttering 
With her pointed features 
And tiny frame 
Ready to be outcast 
At the slightest whip of tongue 
How her shoulders bowed! 
And her mouth sagged! 
And I felt a pity for her 
But also a blind trust 
A cocoon wrapped around my heart then 
Closing it off as I leapt after her 
And wondering if I was really following Revenge

A stranger found me today 
Holding out their dream 
In their hand 
Another world 
For me to throw myself into 

Crystalline and mysterious and new 
And I did inch by inch 
Fraction by fraction 

And the stranger turned 
From stranger to friend 
As I lost myself 
To the creeping tendrils of the dream 
Casting off reality 
Like a reluctant shadow 
Becoming someone entirely new 
Trapped in another's body 

And I went on believing 
For a year  
Or so 

Until one day 
Yesterday, actually 
I met a friend 
Who had been offered the dream 
By my stranger 

And we traded dreams 
Telling what was now a story 
And my friend laughed at the dream 
For she was smart 
And had seen through it  

And recognized a crazy loon's ranting 
And I laughed with her 
Realizing 
With a heap of embarrassment 
What a fool I was 
To have believed in that stranger 
( who was just a loon) 

And their dream 
Shriveled up right in front of me 
As I stepped away from it 
And saw that it was only the imaginings
Of a poor,sick girl 
(who you know as stranger) 
Lost in delirium 

How easy it was then 
To cast off her dream
When my old friend laughed quietly 
About it 
By my side 
And I laughed with her 

But now I sit 
And wonder 
So caught up in this dream 
Had I been 
That now I began to wonder 
What reality I had missed 

And with a bang 
And a slash 
And a roar 
And a great wrenching tear 

I found myself having to give up 
My self that was dreamed up 

And the pain was terrible 
For this dream-self 
Had become a part of me 
And now I was letting it go 

But confused was I 
For the pain I had felt 
For how far in love i had fallen with a fake man 
I had dreamed up 
The grief over the imaginary dead 
The sadness 
But also the victories 
And the happiness 
And the triumphs 

All seemed so real 
So real 
And I was having a hard time 
Believing they were not  

But the hardest bit of dream-self to give up 

Was the bit that was a performer 

That wrote music 

And played any instrument 

And sang and danced with beautiful fervor 

And was beautiful and graceful 

And loved by her fans 

And she had come to life  
As I sat late into the night 
In the darkness of my room 
With my headphones 
Imagining this whirling figure sing and dance 
With beautiful fervor 
Cheered on by adoring people 
For all loved her 
For her performances 
For what she did  
For her vulnerability 
As she left caution behind 
And flung herself out onto stage  

But I think that she is the one token I will go on believing in 

For now I realize 
Why I believed in the stranger's dream at all 
It was the power 
The delight in a secret no one else knew 
The confidence it gave me 
To be this other person 
That nestled into my heart 

And now I am ripping the dream away 
But I think I'll try 
To keep the confidence 
And the whirling performer 
As she leaps across the stage

I ache 
Because you ache 
And I feel it in the bottom left corner of my heart
I wish there was a way 
To pinpoint what i want to say 
But truth is i cant describe you
Words could never do enough 
Because 
The right ones haven't been created yet 
And i don't think they ever will be 
So i just wanted to say 

BREATHE your life god ******! 
Because if you don't the world will fall on its knees  
God I wish you could see 
How much you mean
And never doubt it for a second 

Realize
And know how special you are 
It tears me up 
When you are down 
And all I wish for is you to be happy

Recognize 
And know that sadness is not something to hide 
But happiness is what you deserve 
And I want you to believe and see and feel 
And know as the truth, in pure and complete honesty
That a better person has never been made  
And another truth is
 You're more different than anyone has ever expected 
Youre realer than anything this world has ever seen 
Either believe it...or I'll just have to do it for you

110 pencil shavings 
In America 
Being used by 
A hungry boy 
On the dusty streets 
Of Africa 
A sad excuse  
For kindling 

110 newspapers printed 
In America 
Being used for shelter 
In Tokyo 
Against the driving 
Rain 
A sad excuse 
For a home 

110 signs fluttering 
With her hands 
Frail knives 
No hearing 
But so many words 
Locked in a cupboard 
Her father doesn't 
Understand.  
The caged stuttering.

I wander down to the stream 
Turned pastel in dawns light 
The light shines through the trees 
Magnified by their leaves 
As acorns turn 
Like the trees in fall 
From green to brown 
The moss grows on rocks  
Mushrooms spring up
Their tiny heads the size of a child's finger 
The grass grows along it's banks 
Long stalks of glistening life 
Feeding the doe as she wanders close 
I pick a blade 
Feet bared in the stream 
Serrated hairs on the blade 
Bury themselves in my finger 
I surrender to the imperfection 
That digs into me like a thorn 
And spend the whole day 
Ridding it of it's flaws
Making the grass smooth 
Beautiful 
Whole
Perfect 
If only to do this 
Were as easy in real life

I taught you the colors today 
To eyes that had never looked 
Away from the ground 
Not in paint 
Or in pattern 
But in depth 
Of each shade 
The touch 
Of each splash 
The ringing 
Of each crystalline sketch 
The wide arcs 
As they threw themselves across thought 
Red 
The flutter of a bird's wing 
Green 
A pond alive with flitting fish 
Gray 
A weathered expanse 
Purple 
A flash of velvet in the mirrored sky 
I gathered to you all the colors today 
On the tip of one finger 
And held it up to the light 
Of the warming sun 
And showed you the colors 
In nature's glass 
Refracted and gleaming 
Carefully gathered in miraculous wonder 
The life
Held suspended in the soft golden globe 
Made just so hungry eyes 
Could remember  
The color of crystalline beauty

I wrote all of the words
Right  
                   O u t
       Of me
And I felt all the feelings
Right  
Out
Of
Me
And I used to cry
And bite the insides of my lips
But then
I cried all of the tears
                               Right Out Of Me
And most would stop and think
If they bothered to think at all
That this left me all empty...

N  o p  e!

Quite the contrary in fact
Let me
Assure
You  
Because when everything was
Cried out
And
Poured out
And  
Felt out
Into the ground
All that space inside was freed up and
              Open
And there was nothing else that could fill it
But happiness
And that
I am proud to say
Is all that did
                            H    a  p  p i  n  e  s    s  
And I'm proud to say
I've never been so full  
Of
                            H    a  p  p i  n  e  s    s

I don't pretend to 
Know anything 
I have no knowlege of 
So i speak the truth 
When I say 
That you scared me today 
Do I know you anymore? 

It has been so long 
Since I tasted color 
And dreamt 
In daytime 

I need you  
But I don't want to keep you 
I hope youre reading
***** you 
I need you 
But don't want you to stay 

I am so lonely 
Don't you dare look at me
***** YOU
So don't you dare come back to me

109 poems 
Spinning from the pen 
109 drops of hunger 
Falling from crusts of bread 
109 dreams in the night 
And 109 dreams forgotten at first light 
109 feathers 
Waving in the wind 
109 skyscrapers 
Falling from their height 
109 new babes 
Learning the color green 
109 feet 
March off with loaded gun 
109 come
 back with purple hearts 
109 dots 
In the night sky 
109 insights into 
Time 
109 howls 
Of wolves into the night 
109 prey giving flight  
And 109 
Stitches in the thread 
109 cracks in the ceiling 
As the child beneath the newspaper 
counts them 
109 
Ways to say goodbye

She orchestrates her life 
With organization 
And control 
Ands let's not one problem 
Slip into place 
And she cleans her spotless room 
To prepare for the company 
Coming over 
And she takes precisely 
3 CDs
And scatters them artfully 
On her desk
To make the room seem 
Lived in 
And less perfect 
As she tries to mask 
Her loneliness 
And separation 
That gusts just strong enough 
To shake the timbers 
But leaves the foundation 
Still standing

There is a girl 
Across from me 
Who goes running 
Barefoot 
At 5:00 
Every morning 
And you can see her trail 
As she runs through the dew  
Green imprints in a field 
Of silver 
And you can see 
How she lives 
For the sun 
To touch it's new rays 
Upon her back 
As she runs into a new day 
And now I see her 
Across from me 
Standing at her window 
Looking at the world 
With cautious hope 
But not going out 
To run barefoot 
At 5:00 
Every morning 
Because of the rain 
That blocks her 
From the dawns rays 
And I write this 
 as she stands by her window
I sit on my porch 
In broad daylight 
A clear blue sky above
And wonder what her rain could be

We bleed purple and silver 
The only colors we know 
Held up to see the silver light of sun 
And the purple flames below
The dark alleyways 
Painted in taken possessions 
And stolen hope  
We stare at the memories 
The trees ripped down to silver shreds 
Glistening in a purple sky 
Beaded with shining drops of rain 
We are bleeding on borrowed time 
Emotions running through 
Our life back into the ground 
Weep with the land 
Will we never learn 
Do not trust the silver fox 
Who leaves a trail of purple dust 
Wrap a tail silken in lies 
Make you believe in a burning flame 
When ours are sheeted in frozen regret 
The silver grass 
Does not rush in the wind 
Sculpted form of ice 
Laying in a broken shell
The ocean laying in restless wait 
For it's shores to be swirled 
Among the silver rocks 
But even the wind not stir it's depths 
The purple fire ate it up 
There is no gazing at the stars 
Their remains lay beside our loved ones graves
We feel the wrong done 
Every wound ever made 
For we bleed purple and silver 
The only colors we know 
Held up to the silver light of sun to see it 
And the purple flames beneath it
We are bleeding on borrowed time emotions running through 
Our life
Back into the ground 
Where our brothers will bring us comfort 
By weeping with us

Shapes 
Twist and trade 
Brisk and break 
And twirl 
Through dreams 
Of open thought 
And fained praise 
Edges scratched 
In the 
Brightest colors 
As the 
Flames rise higher 
On shelves 
And green 
Silt 
Covers the 
Ground 
In uneven palacades 
And I 
Welcome their 
Symmetry 
The circle 
Disliked in arrogance    
For it is 
Neverending 
For it's 
Smooth edges 
For there is 
No way in 
And no way 
Out

A fairytale starts with 'once upon time'. 
But a real story starts with 'this ain't no *******' 
And I kinda like that...

The days are walking along now 
In a single file line  
With the ease of practiced time 
The days are looking up now 
Swaying now here and there 
Life moving with golden silt 
Faces turned to the sun 
The dais are under control now 
And I smile at the thought of it  
Reigned in and gasping in green tinted laughter 
Time walks beside me now 
Keeping a slendered pace

It was 9/11 on my mind
I remember watching it as a child 
I remember being happy 
I was being pulled out of school! 
My mother brought me home 
We all huddled around the TV 
I remember watching the explosion on the news 
The towers falling 
And not understanding what 
The big deal was 
And continued on my serious business  
Of playing puppets 
The only dimple in the memory 
Is the worry 
And anger 
On my parents faces 
As I grew older 
I got acquainted with history lessons
And little by little 
The story was uncovered 
The horror 
The pain 
Emotional and physical 
The deaths 
The anger 
The heat of explosion 
The thud of pavement hitting desperation 
America's icon 
Falling 
                    Falling 
            Down down down 
The symbol of our 
Freedom 
Of united belief 
In justice 
As the black angels 
Descended from the sky 
To rip loved ones 
From the arms of those bound to earth 
By grief 
And little by little 
That memory grew 
From a wisp 
Of happiness at no school 
To a thorn 
Snarled on the edges of thought

There are some people 
Who would argue 
That white is not a color 
But if we lived 
In a world 
Of black and white 
And gray shadow 
Wouldn't you notice 
 A red apple?
It is because we see 
Prisms 
         Spectrums 
                        Of color 
And so little white 
That some would argue 
But in a world 
Without white 
              What color 
                      Would the clouds be?

Blank streets 
Roses in the street below. 
The street below 
And the walking signs
Waving hats
Paper avenue 
From the balcony above

Everlasting 
Where the north star 
Comes out to play 
As the big dipper nestles it into place 

Everlasting 
Where the silken sand 
Winds it's way into a river 
And the trees bend down 
 to drink with golden tongue 

Everlasting 
Where grass folds itself 
To laugh and play jump rope 
With the grinning setting sun 

Everlasting 
Where the pond ripples 
And sings down the mouth 
Of the red mountain 

Everlasting 
Where the birds skip 
In the air 
And ride on the sea of happiness

Everlasting 
Where my childish fingers 
Smear poetic colors 
Against a purple canvas sky

Everlasting 
Where the place I call home 
And visit in my dreams 
Is caught in time 
Never changing
In it's beauty

I saw you up and walking 
Through the mossy 
Rainy wet 
With jeans that wrap 
Like snaking thread 
And a strip of cloth 
Wound tight around 
A bare ***** excuse 
For a shirt on your back 
Such a careless exterior 
That tries to hard 
To get noticed 
By the boy that walks beside you 
I've known you for so long 
Yet the only thing I recognize 
Are your eyes  
Trying so hard 
To be grown 
But still holding on 
To girlishness 
And I drop back 
Away from you 
Encircled in the warmth 
Of the new loyalties  
Of the new friends 
That walk beside me 
And I am happy to step away 
But sad to go

I watch you 
As you 
Scratch your wrist 
With nails filed to a point 
Skin red
You feel pain 
Yet continue your own 
Punishment 
Curled up on the couch 
In the library 
The silent books 
Trying 
To offer comfort 
To your wounded soul 
The sun streams through the window 
Turns your raven hair 
To home spun gold 
And the stars 
Nestle themselves 
In your everlasting cold

I can't look into your eyes 
Anymore 
Dearest friend 
And not see 
How much has changed 
Can't you know 
That 
Isn't right ? 
That 
Doesn't have to hurt you? 
Stinging thread 
And dull needles 
You use 
To sew up the brightness 
The songs 
As you pack 
Your exhaustive 
Dainty girlishness 
In a cracked metal bag
It hurts me so 
To drive this wedge 
Into our friendship 
After so long 
But I can't stay 
Because I'm afraid 
That if I look into your eyes 
I'll see my own pain 
Reflected there

I followed you to the hill 
Yesterday 
On silently treading shoes 
You never looked round 
Never knew I was there 
And continued on your winding way 
Following the trees 
That lead to 
NO 
WHERE
Loosing yourself 
In silent delight 
Hiding from a world of silent scorn

It is scary to think 
That I miss you 
But haven't touched you 
Haven't heard you whisper 
Haven't met you 
Yet I know you 
And miss you 
And sit here 
With the smallest of hopeful smiles

The sheets on my bed 
Have turned 
From pure white to parchment yellow 
And I cannot bring myself 
To change them alone 
So every night I sleep 
And grow a little sadder 
As they smell less and less 
Of you

I watch 
As the sun sets 
And reflects off the metal 
Buildings of humanity
And think how sad this is