Even the earnest of kings have their downfall
Just as an unstoppable force meets their immovable wall
Try as they will to retain their crown
As a jester would force an insincere frown

Yeah, life ***** about as much as it blows
For every brightest sun, a black wind will follow
For every day late and a dollar short
It's never too late to play our part

I dabble back and forth
Whether I'm happy or sad
Never a dull moment in my head
To save me from the mad-

Lest I become a slave to this machine
It demands peace for oil and blood for gasoline

A petty tribute for a moment of peace
A simple price to pay for one enormous release

I'm always damning myself.

But at least
It's always
My
Decision.

Nothing.
A void.
A dissemination of figures from a reality I cannot avoid.
**** me now.
Both angels and devils, their pettiness and frugal lifestyles mean nothing to me.

When I die, I want nothing but rain as a tribute.
A refreshing remembrance of all I could do, and all I never did.

Hard as coal, soft as hail.

**** me, and I'll sing.

Have you ever wanted to sit in silence
Absolute silence
Stare into nothing, meld with the world

Have you ever questioned your pennant
Your heart's tenant
And count the swine from your pearls

Have you ever wanted to reach out
Learn what they're about
Shoulder to shoulder, analyze

Have you ever wanted to try
While the rest of the universe dies
Count on one soul, epitomize

Well, maybe we think we know the answers
Or maybe we haven't the slightest
But the darkest hour is always near
And always following is the brightest
Some take their pleasure in the form of sin
And some with a grain of salt
Some take their pleasure from the damage within
Some would never know when they're missing out

I never begged for mercy
At least up until this point
And I would never say it outright
But I want out of this joint
In the worst way, my surroundings need to burn
And perhaps then, this town would thrive
For honor is merely a lesson learned

When the odds are against you to survive

I wish to shine.

A friend told me tonight that going through past writings is good for realizing how much one has changed, even when it seems as though nothing has changed at all. I went through my old Tumblr account before deleting it last night, and this is what I salvaged. Ramblings, realizations, maybe some of it can even be considered "poetry."

Enjoy.

November 16, 2013

Why can't I just fall asleep.
Why can't I not want another cigarette.
Why can't I function like a normal human being and fear the dark, and relish my time in the sunlight.
Why.

August 24, 2013

Truth hurts.
Truth is pain.
Pain is temporary.
Truth stains.
Truth lives in all of us.
All understand pain.
All is temporary.
We grow from pain.
We decide how temporary truth is.
We decide how long pain affects us.

March 11, 2013

I watched them stomp out the door.
Into the ******* shade of blue a car could ever have.
Off to go who knows where.
I don't know if they said anything to me.
I didn't have anything to say.

One last evening in Hell, and the only company I wouldn't want are
Three cats.

February 23, 2013

*My body yearns
Struggles
Begs
For rest
But I will refuse
And I will endure the trials
Each one laid in front of
And behind me.
One last hurrah, one last war
Within a breath, within my power
One last chance to live my dream
And after that, we'll go from there.
I don’t even know.