if i weren't so ******* myself
i might've made a difference
in rewriting and deleting
I've foregone my real feelings

i heard an idea in passing
i heard it wrong
but it sounds so profound
he said by all accounts
you really shouldn't die

can't get my head around it
won't try to understand it
that would defeat the purpose
if i didn't trust the process

so I'm handing out control
to the people in the street
the looking in my eyes
the handing me a drink

wash away the oil
soften the voices
that's what i do
hidden in the overcast
behind the trees
light rain for my light sleep

Despair may be my demise
I think it provides more substance than ecstasy
Adoration and obsession
I believe in despair
My one guarantee
Something that won't leave me

no one knows
and that's it

I'm totally alone

i pay attention
and i feel everything
but it means nothing

I'm a shadow in the grass
a silhouette in the glass
time will throw me away

a lady in my backyard
and crashing down my sidewalk
the city sleeping came and went
intrusion sense of on your guard

the birds are talking i wish they wouldnt
I've missed the soaring likes
i view the road from far too close
as never meant to take it twice

these barefeet walk these pants stay up
my jeans dont wear a belt
I've torn my shirts and like it when
my rotten plans all came and went

the rocks are still
the clouds alive
her holiness aims
my wandering mind

then on return of last attempt
whispers grown and died
i heard "i tried my best for you"
whats left if otherwise

as of it hadn't been clear yet
it's their latest declaration
knocking on the door
we're the weapons of mass destruction

ear to the ground
nothing in the air
doesn't make a sound
fall to the ground
and stare

there's blood in the grave
a picture for the frame
what else can they do
but force us to mate

disruption of the flow
the population stands
snakes in the grass
have shaken my pace

ear to the ground
leaves in the air
don't make a sound
fall to the ground
nothing for you now

native song sung through the fields
of a lamb that left the flock
now a sheep that looks for healing
but tribeless fallen lost

with only inexperience
the ease with which he fails
to understand the verity
at odds with which he sells

the gift that keeps on giving
the breathing lungs alone
if anyone can see me
turn back and hold it down

my wayward ways divined
and downstream followed now
with blanket and a pleased contortion
your blood will run and soak the ground

We were doing such a good job
Not ruining the moment
All of a sudden
The light saturating the earth fled
And dust took its place
To split us completely apart

Some brief howling put me on edge
Drove me into the ground
Waiting
I put on the bravest face i can
Beautiful wind sun and ruin
Hanging over my head

there's nothing out there
but something is calling
like another dimension
or the future is leaking

the outcome is different
what i hoped that would happen
there's no bigger network
ever since the silence was shattered

it's so simple i think
but adds up over time
then it walks back and forth
and crosses the lines

Flashing lights in front of closed eyes
Collapse mature again
I don't dare look
I just listen

A child of the modern age
A casualty of time
I'm told he wrote it well
The days before I know

And you can hear him breathe
For a moment you're together
And then we go
And then we go

there is a rage
a blinding void
urging the end
what i was, what i am, and what i will be

It was a hard day
Spent on my surface
Folding paper boats
Destined for defeat
A tragic daily narrative
Death before belief

I can hold my own
Through storm and stress
The weight of what I do

Darkened sun above
Resolved to going through
I can hold my own
Sole sailor over blue

It’s a familiar feeling
Something like melancholy
A little more emptiness
Like I’ve filled my half
But I need the rest

I’m not done
I should carry on
To foster a drive
Is a task I despise
A crude driving force
It is to simply move

The music fills the time
It fuels the mind
I’m not moving
Embracing emptiness
Lean back on lines
I could use the rest

truth don't mean too much in a system like this
when trust is two feet in the grave
disengage and lose your rights
i can't but disassociate
the rich can eat their own and grow
but home for Christmas i can't afford

it seems we're all afraid
and revolution can't change
the forests gone
and sea the same
welcome to today

so I'm asking where were you
when children took the pay
when promises that answer prayer
declined that they were made

i don't smile for you the cameraman
the answer's in the question
the burning tires don't smell too nice
how long until the end
it seems we're all afraid
when trust is two feet in the grave
and everyone has got a right
to shoot you in the face

My voice of becoming
Is clarity changing
Attend to the sound
To speak is replacing

Drawn satisfaction
From lifeless desires
The smell of success
Is boyhood on fire

Green dew hill
Blue mist sea
Lakewood grey
I miss me

I have this sneaking suspicion
That i would do anything for you
if you let me act
as if it were coincidence
You are just a little too close
To what i am looking for
Ever more so confronting
This evening

i have such a weakness for you
and its gotta be obvious
how hard it is to make conversation
adding to the din
of whatever it is youre wearing
how id like to stay
and so many other things
if it werent so unsettling

Without worrying
I'm sorry I'm so disappointing
No good reason
just a sneaking suspicion

when did it get so dark?
i woke up to thunder and thought i was dreaming
it's all a little too real
why don't you call back this evening?
I'll think of something to say, I always do
see if i can find the connection in this room
I'm going outside, see myself from above
and put me in the shadow of my own interpretation
do you believe in god? that's a real question
and when'd it get so dark in this enlightened nation
I see myself from above, I'm screaming in my sleep
somebody wake me up
and nobody's listening

I'm a freckle kid
In tune with it
Sonic streaks
And yellow teeth

No
I'm my own reality
Stripey blanket
Underneath

im sleeping on the couch
have you forsaken me
flower in the rain
is that heaven calling

darling in my arms
happens in my dreams
im sleeping on the couch
youre hanging in the breeze

is that heaven calling
satan is waiting
its getting on in the evening
and nothing is happening

when the grass can sway the way it stands
and lightness groans in pestilence
even if i'd never kept inside a name
ill never meet a match the same

there's birds of prey that keep a watch
on nightly prison guarded walks
with a feathered collar painted grey
and not one single back to pay

to think if all my mind could hear me well
i might not need this fear of hell
cars crashing into silent seas
the drowning of our enemies

the birds don't answer when i call
chose not to reach before the fall
the good ones fly when you're alone
you seem to miss me when i'm gone

i'll keep on watching far away
you won't be needing the little i saved
the grass will keep on growing tall
the swaying stills and darkness calls

you silver star in shaded breeze
it's never far from where you need
the crown inside the wishing well
death's fool held fast inside a cell

keep it coming till the end
never less than all you can
the devil barks for more than that
so keep it coming down the hatch

drunk in front of Jesus again
I'm paying for my sins
a million copycat saviors
blowing in the wind

last supper saw me drinking
i guess it's kinda funny
jesus is hanging
keeping me company

someone's pouring drinks
but not mine
and this one's on the house
but not tonight

Jesus hangs alone in frame
singing to me softly
drunk in front of Jesus
more of all the same

can't tell what I've done
not this time or last
I'm gonna sleep on the couch
and stop trying to reconnect with my friends

the afternoon is quiet
doesn't help being sober
I'll play some drums
and check the classifieds

shy away from the microphone
what's the point anymore
fill my home with noise
broken bottle nonsense

time to sell the time machines
collected ones and zeros
get back to the basics
and stop trying to reconnect with my friends

lost in thought
you know
half empty
half full

sleeping on the bartop
same old
half open
half closed

bottom of the bottle
no more
half warm
half cold

caught in conversation
old news
half information
half from the *****

half too much
half not enough
half on the clean
half on the drugs

half in the clear
half for the rush
half on the green
half in the rough

Man she dropped in out of nowhere
But i could hear the return of that awful 4 runner
Really makes you wonder If anyone's got an iota of control
While we're living in this unorganized world

While I'm trying to get back into Russian authors
She's got me listening to the *** pistols
It really isn't fair
All i wanted was a clean apartment
Lucky me now I've got paint on the carpet
She doesn't even care

Im past the idea of this making sense
It's not what i wanted if its staying in place
I keep coming back with with a different reaction
i can't help myself being captive again

This is a split up disease, halfway war and peace
I got reasons for taking my time
And unlimited supply waiting in line
She says Its not what it seems
I try and stay sharp while i sleep
Im gonna try and stay sharp while i sleep

i was so lost
i couldn't see you in the blur
even when i heard you
it was just spit in the sea

now it hangs over my head
are you hanging onto me
when you're running around
I'll be listening

there's so much i need to avoid
and without a direction
it makes sense drinking
whiskey in the morning

i wanted to be a cowboy
they keep things moving
look at the stars sometimes
on the trail in the morning

but I'm a child of pollution
and i can't stay gone too long
I'm drawn to the dark
and pain and soot and art

conflict in my insides
needs projection sometimes
barfights, loud noises
and ****** darkness

The world has really gotten to me
And the pit in my stomach
doesnt fill up so well anymore
I've grown bitter
and mean
I'm bored with myself
And overwhelmed by love

oh i love the dude that talks too much
i really wanna keep it up
I'm drinking till i break a glass
I'm sweeping in the dark
the days are getting funny
it's hard to look at sam
it's hard to tell the truth sometimes
i hide under the covers
the waking mind is not enough
my sister writes her dreams
i can barely see the edge
my scaffolding put to the test
my appetite and sleep compete
I'm just like all the rest

you can always see the line waver
as the fan turns in the summertime
in the place among the garbage
where I'm looking for the flowers

because I'm so directed
i search against the screen
face forward all the time
and ever so ill at ease

restless lover close to me
always in my mind lately
burning tragedy in the spring rain
where i was wasted on reality

vacancy lives here
and trains don't drive anymore
I'm deaf to my own potential
and apparently never going anywhere

laid to rest in the passenger seat
like i didn't exist
i might've seen a curling of the lip
but that doesn't mean anything

out of sight out of mind
with the bending of the wrist
now you know where i am
but that doesn't mean anything

there's a strength in your eyes
with your hair down nice
and it looks like you want me
but that doesn't mean anything

dreams, conspiracies
philosophy, fantasy
none of them
mean anything

my mind is trying to **** me
playing tricks on my psyche
won't let me be happy
thinks everyone is out to get me

it doesn't exist in reality

walking circles inside my skull
breaking down my every move
unhappy when it doesn't know
getting bored of all the same stuff

my mind is trying to hurt me
it happens almost daily
starting with my waking
and working towards an ending

there's trouble at home
and i stray further away
i steady myself
and i begin to feel
distance
as i push further away
and this summer heat
i neednt say
compress my guts
and the renewal of my lease
in the back of my mind
like tires melting in the trunk
waiting to take me away
and i let the hours burn
slowly
and i begin to feel
again

the words came to me in the funeral suit
in the backyard watching over the grass
lightly swaying in the sun, eyebrows forward, thinking
the product of countless hours when it finally spills to the forefront
conceived as i speak, and so simple: i get it