AS THE NIGHT CLOUDS ARE EYES THE FEAR INCREASES,
THE HAIRS ON YOUR NECK STAND,
YOUR HEART PUMPS INCREDIBLY QUICK,
PARANOIA CREEPS INTO YOUR SOUL,
RUN OR FIGHT,
SWEAT DRIPS DOWN YOUR BACK IN THE NIGHT BREEZE,
YOU GAIN A CHILL AND BEGIN TO SHAKE,
YOUR EYES DART BACK AND FORTH, THIS WAY AND THAT,
YOUR HOLDING YOUR BREATH WAITING FOR THE END,
SEEING GLOWING EYES ON THE GROUND,
SURROUNDED YOU THEY HAVE,
YOU BEGIN TO WALK,
A RUNNING SOUND YOU HEAR,
YOU QUICKEN YOUR PACE TO A JOG,
THE SOUND QUICKENS AND BECOMES DEFIANT,
YOUR LEGS BEGIN TO PUMP AS YOU RUN DOWN A STREET,
LOOKING BACK YOU SEE NOTHING,
WHICH ONLY INCREACES YOUR FEAR,
YOU SPEED UP STILL MORE,
SUDDENLY YOU STOP,
YOU HEAR NOTHING BESIDES YOUR OWN BREATHING, PANTING,
AND THEN YOU REALIZE,
NOTHING WAS RUNNING,
YOU WERE NOT BEING CHASED,
THE EYES YOU SEEN WERE YOUR OWN,
YOU SAW THEM IN THE SURROUNDING LAKE WHICH YOU WHERE STANDING BY,
THE DARKNESS IS YOUR FEAR,
YOU ENDANGERED YOURSELF,
REALIZING THIS HELPS YOU,
YOU HAVE NO FEAR AND WALK HOME FARTHER INTO THE DARKNESS.

Another day seems to pass by in the desert as it has for hundreds if not thousand of years,
Except the crunch of gravel and sand as a 2 ton frag 4 tuned up humvee races down another street in Iraq,
no surprise to see this in Iraq since the US led invasion in 2003,
same **** different day, otherwise known to soldiers as SSDD syndrome,
only this day would forever change lives,
the flash was white hot and the melting metal was proof enough of the sheer explosivness of the improvised explosive device,
the blast enough to let Iraqis living miles away look up to see the smoke,
they never heard the screaming though,
but the soldiers did as they raced to what was left of the humvee,
three dead upon impact,
a fourth lay screaming on the ground with what was left of the rest of his legs still in the passenger seat,
medics on  the ground did good and saved the poor soul,
his screams would fill the Iraqi night for for hours,
a short chopper ride to Baghdad Hospital,
they docs put his feet on ice, quite literally,
more than ten hours of surgery and the legs were sewn back on, but this soldiers fight was over,
a flight on the first plane to Ramstein Air Base Germany,
but the doctors cant do anything for this man,
he needs propers medical care,
send him home to Fort Bragg,
Womack Army Hospital,
doctors are optimistic as they tell this hero he will live but his days in the Army are over,
the tears are unexplainable as he pleads with the doctors to **** him
he doesnt want to live,
he may never walk again, he is a freak, his fiancee wants nothing to do with a *******,
over a week the soldier tries everything he can,
pulling out IVs,
injecting his blood stream with air filled needles,
his screams keep the other patients awake during the cold nights,
his crying during the day a constant reminder of the hell that only those who have lived it can ever know,
a week passes by, at least one suicide attempt a day,
then the soldiers fiancee arrives,
the crying becomes unstoppable as he pleads for her to leave him, not to look at his crippled body, that he wishes to die,'
why? she asks,
the question stops his tears,
why? she repeats,
because I am a ******* I may never walk again,
so? she asks, calling in the doctor,
the doctor arrives to find the soldier in tears and the meanest scowl ever seen on a woman,
doctor she asks, so he may never walk correct?
thats correct the doctor replies,
can he still have ***? she asks,
the doctor is stumped by the question and stumbles as he replies, well....yea its only his legs not his *****,
the fiancee looks at her soldier,
well then why the hell are you crying? as long as we can still have *** I am not leaving you!
the soldier sobs uncontrolably as his future wife holds him dearly,
the smiles on the other patients outwardly happy for the both of them,
then dinner arrives, the fiancee freaks out,
throwing the food across the room and storming from the hospital,
the soldier believing she had finally realized he was a *******, sobs once more,
the patients, doctors and nurses stumped,
another suicide attempt made,
thrity minutes pass,
the fiancee arrives, carrying a Dominos pizaa,
she holds him closely as she says he cant eat hospital food anymore,
he needs to eat right so that he can walk again,
and so comes a miracle through pain.

NO **** people this is a true story i witnessed myself in the Womack Army Hosptial roughly early 2006. It was a beautiful sight to see, and any man would consider himself blessed to be with what I can only describe as a miracle and the truest woman alive. That soldier deserved nothing less, oh, and he did walk again.

I remember it like it was only yesterday. But one could only understand the love of the first smile with the back story that comes with which can only be described as the most beautiful site that my eyes ever saw and will ever see again. Picture if you will a man, a soldier, another broken heart of a fool too naïve to realize what life was all about. Ready to give in to what was presumed to be the standard for the rest of time. And just when the decision was beginning to form to end it all a risk was taken that would change everything. An invitation from a friend to go to party with some new people and get out of the funk and smoke that seemed to have eroded any care. The party was obviously for those close friends and I was the outsider.  Plenty of drinks to go around and I could have pounded them away. Erased the night in a cloud of stupor. But realizing I had a long drive back to the base I decided for a few beers alone. As the party was beginning to die down and it was obvious that it wasn’t going to start up till I left I poured out my beer and grabbed my keys. And then she said something to me. First words she had said all night that I remembered. She asked me had I been the one who had made a comment on MySpace that earlier in the week on my friend’s page. I replied with a yes. She told me she had read it and thought it was really good what I wrote. She explained to me that recently her husband had left her and that he had been a soldier too. I didn’t know why at the time but I felt I could have talked forever and never even worried about the party, the drive home, the lateness of the hour. Nothing mattered as long as we talked.  She had the most beautiful eyes and just her relaxed state of dress and mannerism spoke volumes about the type of person she was and the troubles that weighed her shoulders. It was a quick and innocent conversation when I look back at it now. Maybe five minutes. But before I left we exchanged phone numbers so that maybe we could become friends. I wasn’t gone on the road five minutes when the first text rolled in and she stated we should hang out some time. Six days later I would be taking her to the movies.  I remember that night and will remember it to the day I die. I drove to her house and she waited on the front porch to wave me in. Something about the house alone was welcoming. Warm to approach even as a visitor. I was introduced to the family. Mom and dad, the two brothers and the sister who I had failed to realize at the party was there as well. Call it love drunk. It doesn’t matter. I realized soon after the part that this girl was something special. After some short introductions she came down from her room and walked down the stairs. We hoped in my truck and headed back into town to the movies. On the drive there as we were chatting the conversation steered right where I had thought it would. She looked over at me and asked me flat out what it was about her that I had found so interesting to take her to the movies only a week after meeting her. When she asked she had this smile on her face that spoke volumes. It showed pain and apprehension. Almost as if she was scared of my answer. I could tell that the recent events of her husband leaving her had broken her heart. Even today months afterwards I still cant seem to understand why any man would leave her. I could die the most horrible painful death known to the pages of history and still die a happy man to even talk with such a lovable person. As I looked into those eyes and that pained smile, I realized. I realized that without a doubt this day would lead to many happy days, many sad days, but days that nonetheless I would suffer through and come out better for no matter what the ending result was. And my answer meant everything to this belief. I looked back at the road to which I realized I had begun to drift from as I had been lost in that smile. I answered as surely as I would now when anyone asks me why I did everything I did. I told her it was her smile. I had seen in the night at the party and using words like intrigue are weak in comparison to what my heart screamed out as heaven and happiness generated in her smile. When I replied something happened that I would never have expected. The smile was gone. It was replaced what by an even more magical smile without pain, and completely innocent. It was this small event in life to some that would change me forever. The man I am today will never be the same as the man I would have been had I not met this person and not had the chance to see a smile sent from the heavens. I remember the movie we watched. We saw the horror movie, “Haunting in Connecticut”. I can honestly say I don’t remember any of it. My mind was far from any movie.  I could only think to where I had been in life a week ago and where I was now. Content is the only word I can find to describe it. After the movie I thought I would be driving here home but it wasn’t it be. We were near the turnoff when she asked me if I would like to go to a party at a friend’s DJ spot. I said sure. Time meant nothing and any excuse to be with her longer was good for me. We drove to another country where I passed the fire hall where the party was. So I decided to do a turn around on a bridge on the edge of town. Well I over compensated and slapped the bridge with my taillight. To this day I still maintain that the bridge was in fact at fault and had jumped out and hit my truck. I should have been mad about wrecking my new truck on some foolish bridge. It didn’t matter to me though. We looked at the truck when we got out and it had sounded far worse than it looked. I wasn’t worried. To summarize we stayed at the party for a few hours. She danced with her friends some and we listened to some music. All together it was a good party, down to earth really. I stayed back in the corner still not understanding the question that still nagged me since the night at the party where I met here. After the party I drove her home and we talked for a few before I left and headed back to base. So far I had a broken taillight and a new friend. The question that had nagged me and still does at times was what was it about me that such a beautiful and great girl even bothered talking to me. Today is what it is. A lot has changed and some things never will. One thing that will remain forever in my mind whether I am back in the states, here in Iraq, or in the future in Afghanistan. That smile burned not into my memory but into my heart and soul. I have never loved a woman more. And never will again. God can only do me justice in life by making sure that she lives a happy life for all time. No matter what that first smile will guide me through any darkness.

Many have walked the path of life only to be cut down violently. I can hear the voices of the dead whispering their last words. A trace of their souls forever stationary in time. Can you walk past a graveyard of white crosses protecting those who fought for freedom. When you do do your eyes remain level and thank whoever it is that you pray to that such men lived. We should not be thankful that such men died for freedom but rather we should be grateful that such men lived. Or when you walk past that graveyard do your eyes blur as if you see right past the lost selfishly thinking better them than yourself. I say let the voices of the dead ring into the stillness of the night and awaken every living person. Let the voices chastise and haunt the living. Let the living know that we are still here and we must act. We can no longer sit back as if the world  does not concern us. As if the spread of disease and death across the African continent is someone else's problem. As if the slaughter in Cambodia and Vietnam are but the problems of tribal people. Or the slave trade which runs rampant in South America along with the disease of man into madness of drugs. Or the constant gang warfare which spreads in our own nation. Are these gangs any different then the very terrorist which we fight in the middle east. They **** and terrorise in the hopes of personal glory and living a lustful selfish life. Let us put an end to the ******* and apathy which reside in the so called European Union. Which cares nothing of the problems of the world, which vetos every vote to make the world a little safer. Or the starvation of the North Koreans under the madness of the tyrannt. The oppression of so many people in the middle east by by the hands of their masters. Treating their women as mear slaves to which to repopulate the country, tools of breeding. Using their children as instruments of warfare. Is that what we fight for. Is that what the dead whisper, or rather are the dead tired of the living ****. Listen closely and you will hear the dead speaking into the realm of time and history.

I SIT AND WAIT FOR MY PREY, PERCHED IN A TREE WAITING TO POUNCE
BIRDS CHIRP ALL AROUND, BUGS CLICK THEIR PINCERS BENEATH ME
I LISTEN FOR THE SOUNDS OF MY PREY
A BREEXE RUSTLES THE LEAVES
A FEW ACORNS FALL TO THE FOREST FLOOR
THE BREEZE TURNS INTO A LIGHT WIND
I AM DISTRACTED BY THE WIND NOW
I LISTEN TO THE CRACKLING OF THE LEAVES
WATCH THE SWAYING OF THE TREES
I AM DISTRACTED BY THE TREE NOISES
SO DISTRACTED THAT I DO NOT KNOW
I DO NOT REALISE THE SILENCE THAT HAS FALLEN
NO MORE BIRDS CHIRPING
PINCERS NO LONGER CLICKING
IF I HAD NOT BEEN DISTRACTED I WOULD HAVE KNOWN
THE SIDES HAVE CHANGED
THE HUNTER IS NOW THE HUNTED
IT WAS OVER AS FAST AS IT BEGAN
A FAST DROP AND SUDDEN STOP
LEFT TO DIE I WAIT FOR THE END
LISTENING…..LISTENING TO THE WIND IN THE OAKS
A BEAUTIFUL SOUND TO ME
YET MY GREATEST WEAKNESS
MY OWN PERSONAL DOWNFALL
LISTENING TO THE WIND IN THE OAKS.

For all the boasts of man we are still unable to win the simplest of arguments,
when God created man in his image it was good,
but as he is the Lord and the all knowing,
he knew what man could never have obtained himself,
man is useless without woman,
Wars have been waged for women,
One of the most powerful empires, Troy,
came to its end for their ignorance,
as their prince stole another mans wife,
some would argue that the Caesars of Rome were led to destruction by the self indulgence of their lust,
they should have listened to their wife’s,
and now as times have progressed nothing has changed,
man is still lost without a woman,
the most powerful warrior can fall to his knees for the woman he loves,
the most powerful woman can raise an Army,
Liunitus died with 300.
his wife lived with thousands,
no matter how far we come we continue to fall on our ***,
want to see a man in love,
go to the woman’s department in a store and see a man holding a purse,
looking lost but whole,
women are all and everything we need,
so why is it so hard to find the right one,
why is is man will fight over one woman when there are millions
I have searched for years, and still not found what I am looking for,
like cloudless rains my days remain dark,
women are the sunlight that brightens the day,
and with everyone that passes me by the glare becomes harder to take in,
are you the one,
will you be the warmth to the cold,
will you be the light  to the darkness,
can I stop my search,
can I pick up the pieces of my heart and put them in your palm,
can I see me ten years from now being daddy,
can I be your wall, can I part the clouds for you, showing you nothing but rainbows,
being around you changes everything,
the morning sounds as the birds chirp float through my window,
the food I eat makes me happy, the smell of your shampoo is something I will never forget,
and when the sands come in and i am freezing in the mountains,
staring across distant lands, will you be there in my heart,
I want to be in yours, so bad, all you have to do is let me help you,
to show you that this man will fall for none other than you,
I will do so willingly,
I will build bridges and tear down walls in this world,
if only you are with me,
I will change who I am if it helps you feel how I feel,
I will save the world, or I will carry it,
no problem to hard to solve, no weight to heavy,
I will do it all for a woman who can make even the Gods fall

As  the days pass by in a swirling motion of blurred images,
I sometimes wonder is there anything in this world that will catch my eye,
I begin my day in the early morning hours before the sun ever rises to warm the day,
And they do not end on most days till the sun has already retreated hiding beneath the horizon,
And then one day there was you,
Early before  I could feel the brightness of the sun,
I could not explain the feeling in my body,
You are the brightness to my dark days,
As the sun you are to me,
I feel you light up the day,
But without the harshness,
You warm up the soul, and enter it quickly,
But are not unwelcome,
Your smile does not betray or deciet,
But rather inspires,
Even with all this saddness and hate,
Your smile awakens an old flame, an old smile,
A hope,
A hope that not everything has fallen to abuse or lust,
But rather an innocent love,
No questions no answers,
Not a simultaneous crush or a flame to be tickled,
But an unconditional love,
Just a knowledge that you have already saved me,
Saved me from taking a leap into the abyss,
You are my everything,
You may or may not know it,
Not until you catch my eye,
That will be when I tell you all,
Through a glance of chance,
I will open my soul and pour it into your heart,
You are my soul,
You are to me everything that is right and holy,
And if you allow it I will be your stars,
I will shine brightly for you,
So that you may never be afraid of the dark,
For you are the sun which brightens my world already.