Is it less pain to see you go,
Or to let you stay and keep telling you no?

He left without saying goodbye
He left without an explanation why.
Maybe it was all me
Maybe I’m just too naive to see.
Was it all my fault
Why our relationship came to a halt?
I can’t help but asking
Is it my true personality unmasking?

I sit back and watch the world unfold,
There’s nothing left for me to hold.
I sleep until tomorrow,
In hope to wash away my sorrow.
This pain is cascading down,
Not making a single sound.
I’m standing in a lake,
Waiting for my sins to awake.
And deep into my every bone,
And pull me into the unknown.
I’m drowning in my tears,
Collected from many years.
Don’t let this be it for me,
Everything I will ever see.

In preschool I met a boy who ate dirt to impress me.
In kindergarten I met a boy who challenged me to a pizza eating contest.
In first grade I met a boy who shared his crayons with me.
In second grade I met a boy who would always pass me the ball in P.E.
In third grade I met a boy who pushed me on the swings.
In fourth grade I met a boy who would race me to the soccer field at recess.
In fifth grade I met a boy who walked behind me in line to class.
In sixth grade I met a boy who knew my name but only to say it behind my back.
In seventh grade I met a boy who played me to win his own games.
In eight grade I met a boy who befriended me to share my secrets.
In ninth grade I met a boy who had to take his anger out somehow.
In tenth grade I met a man who wanted to make me forget all of the other boys.

I’m no longer even me,
I’m what you wanted me to be.
A robot to your command,
A pawn in your hand.
With no thoughts of my own,
Your words spoken on loan.
To him, saying only, “Yes, sir”,
Otherwise change “is” to “were”.
The pain, I cannot bear,
My soul, more than a tear.
My eyes have seen more pain than most,
Maybe even more than the famous Ghost.
In the end, I stand alone,
Ending where the fire is known.

I want to take away your pain,
Let it go like the falling rain.
Let it wash away,
For tomorrow shall be a sunny day.
You’re my frozen lake,
You’re in my head every second I’m awake.
When I find myself standing alone,
Will you be on the other end of the phone?
No matter if I just want to talk,
Or hold a hand and walk?