wish it was that easy
to say goodbye
to you or uhm...to life
but my nerves betray me
for they feel the pain
that only sustains
the will to love
the will to live

who is ever happy anyway?
since when is that the goal?
if it were no one would ever
fall in love
fall at all

wish it was that easy
to do what i want
to feel how i feel
free from expectation or guilt
but my mind it betrays me
with thoughts of how
it's suppose to be
it's not how it suppose to be

when are we ever free
from country or misery
are we really so foolish to think
that we are our own

are we striving for peace or purpose
'*** God knows you can't have both
if you're fighting the good fight
you have all the right
to know

we all love our chaos
it's ours and ours alone
we all love our own chaos
it's mine and mine alone

putting words out there
just to get them down
to expand the pressure, the energy
that's beating me down

trying
to find
a rhyme

to fill a space
to fill a line

anything to be more mine

to move myself forward
to hold myself back

to make
the thing
that was what i lacked

words
words
words

for better
for worse

for me
for mine

like the need to exhale
or sneeze
or scratch

my words
are the me
that makes me
a match

sparking
fizzling
dimming
and dark

my words
are the fire
that leaves me
a mark

i know who i am
by the stare of blank paper

white.
stark.
accusation.

and all of a sudden

i know how i feel
but i don't know how to say it

and i know who i am
but i don't know how to face it

anything but fresh
a new peice of paper
already has all the lines filled
in my mind

it's a sick kind of relief
to fill in the blank

with...

me